Phrases we have all heard and what they mean

[Rob_Broad]

These are the phrases you see in the magazines and hear at the seminars. But here is the hidden messages in them.

An American karate pioneer. -- Somebody who enjoys the feel of arrows in his back

High kicks are impractical. -- I'm not very good at high kicks

If you know your stuff, you only need to know one move. -- I only have one technique that works

Martial arts schools need to be regulated. -- By me

The martial arts build character. -- A lot of people in the martial arts are real characters

I can't show you my art because it is so powerful it always results in death. -- Everybody who has tried to use it in a real fight got killed

I can't show you my art because it is illegal. -- There's a law against fraud

I teach eclectic martial arts. -- I haven't studied anything long enough to know what I am doing

I study karate to stay in shape. -- I got beat up

I practice street karate. -- I spend a lot of time kissing the concrete.

Tournaments can't teach you how to react in a real fight. -- I never won a match in a tournament

Use no way as way, liberate yourself from the classical mess. -- Don't mess with me, I talk like Bruce Lee

You can become a credentialed instructor at a seminar. -- Did you bring your checkbook

None of that kata or philosphy stuff matter on the street. -- Sesame Street

 

[Kirk]

The Top 13 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School

13> Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target.

12> First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling
into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.

11> Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his
spilled pocket protector.

10> The "gis" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars"
are just slices of old cheese.

9> The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.

8> The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of
the Three Stooges.

7> Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop
quizzes" in dark alleys.

6> Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.

5> Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to
end.

4> Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does
not exist in this dojo!"

3> You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying
to tie your belt on.

2> Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the
neighbors when he moved in.


and the Number 1 Sign You've
Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School...


1> Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a
can of whoop-***" on someone?