How to turn a simple ticket into felony dumbass...

Ingredients:

1. POS pickup truck
2. Drunk/high idiot driver
3. Suspended license
4. Bored, proactive cop

Directions:

Step 1: Put the drunk/high driver, hereafter referred to as "Hummingbird ***", behind the wheel of the POS pickup.

Step 2: Hummingbird *** attempts to drive POS truck down a bike path, quickly realizes he can't do that, so back across a 5 lane road.

Step 3: Proactive cop, sees step 2 take place, and begins to follow POS truck.

Step 4: After Cop follows truck for a bit further, observing more suspicious driving, initiate a traffic stop.

Step 5: Hummingbird *** almost rolls truck backwards into cruiser because he can't work the gears. The dying transmission may contribute to this...

Step 6A: Hummingbird *** presents an invalid, expired learner's permit.

Step 6B: DMV return reveals Hummingbird *** is suspended... multiple times, with notice.

Step 7: Hummingbird *** fumbing with truck rolls back towards cruiser 2x more, and is ordered out of the car, and interviewed.

Step 8A: Hummingbird *** decides that it's a lovely moment for a jog... and takes off. Leaving his license and POS truck behind.

Step 8B: Cop joins the spontaneous exercise session. Cop quickly decides it's not worth it since he knows where Hummingbird *** lives, lived, and is probably running right towards.

Step 9: Hummingbird *** shortly makes his way home... only to make the acquaintance of many friends of Proactive Cop.

Step 10: Hummingbird *** opens crocodile mouth, while trying to close bedroom door. Hummingird *** soon makes the acquaintance of Thomas A. Swift's Electronic Rifle, in the handy pistol version.

Step 11: Hummingbird *** continues to run crocodile mouth...

Step 12: Present Hummingbird *** to magistrate. Allow to stew briefly, with crocodile mouth continuing to add heat to the pot.

Serve with multiple warrants (Resisting Arrest X2, Felony Assault on LEO, DUI, Refusal, Drive On Suspended License).

What sucked was I missed the fun at the house, being stuck with Hummingbird ***'s truck...

 

Something a guy I used to work with would say: "Don't let your crocodile mouth overload your hummingbird ***."

 

Entertaining, but when was this ever "a simple ticket" as opposed to a DUI? Is a DUI not a felony where you live? I certainly hope not.

Personally, after 30 years in EMS, trying to put the victims of drunk drivers back together, I'm convinced that any DUI should be 5 years in an 8x10 cell with a hairy backed, knuckle dragging mouth breather named Bubba who wants to be your special friend. Minimum.

 

Ignorance of the law is no exception, but, stupidity. This must be where that saying "slippery slope" comes from.........

 

DUI is a misdemeanor, until the 3rd offense. The kid was mostly looking at simply driving on a suspended, maybe a "baby DUI" or driving after consuming alcohol underage. Note the refusal charge; I don't know what his BAC was.

 

A misdemeanor? How sad/ How very very sad.

 

His name's Larry -- but I'm confident he's not your uncle. It's not an uncommon saying in some parts...