Anger.

[Hagakure]

Hey people.

Not sure where I'm going with this, it's a "make it up as you go" kinda thread. I'm in a place emotionally at the moment, that, I'm so unbelieveably angry most of the time. I can feel it sitting there underneath the surface of my normal behaviour. I feel like a coiled spring.

I'll give you an example. I get home from work, and I'm non-communicative. Last night, my little girl, absolute angel to me, my world, had a heavy cold, temperature, runny nose etc, and is crying for me at 0200 in the morning. So after a while, she wouldn't let me do anything to help her, I tried giving her medicine, and she fought against me tooth and nail, and, I bawled at her to take her medicine. I felt terrible for having scared her, and having lost my temper. It's not the first time either. Not with her, but over the last few months in particular, I've just snapped on a few occassions, no warning, it just happens.

Even with training in the MA, meditation, and doing weights and going running, it's not enough to channel it.

I've tried to analyse it rationally, and look at the reasons in my life as to why this emotion may be manifesting itself so intensely but I don't know if it's just a cop out. The last 2.5 years have seen me become a dad, get married, get made redundant, go back to uni, move house, finish my degree, have my little girl go through some pretty serious surgery, started an uber high powered job that I don't enjoy but pays well and will get us into NZ. Just feels like I can't catch a breath sometimes. My emotions are in an unpredictable loop that's seemingly beyond my control.

Can't seem to shake this anger thing. Wondered if any of you'd experienced similar circumstances/emotions/experiences and how and if you were able to come through the other side ok. Or, if you have any ideas or suggestions for coping mechanisms? Dunno why I'm posting it to you lot, don't wanna keep hassling my wife I guess. She's put up with a lot from me, and I don't want to jeapardise us. I guess it's also easier in some ways sharing with those you don't know particularly well at all...

 

[jarrod]

you, my man, have a lot going on in your life, pure & simple. i'm in a rough spot right now, i'm just trying to keep my mind on the goals i'm working for & making a conscious effort to remain optimistic. good luck!

jf

 

[Andy Moynihan]

Get thee to a video store/channel and overdose on the Three Stooges. Works for me.

 

[seasoned]

There are very few things that mean anything in life. But in your situation, your dividends will pay off down the road through your family. All else will pass, but family will last, and be there for your, when all else fails. I am on the other end of what you are talking about, so please take it from me. Once I got home, it was my sanctuary from the world, once the door closed behind me all was well. Your in the process of adding a human being to this world, and at her age, she only knows love. Think of it in those terms my friend and all will go well. J

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

It seems to me that alot has changed or happen in the last 2.5years.

You may be angry unconsciously about extra responsibility or anger as a means of a safety or coping device to these changes.

Maybe you need someone to talk to professionally to help you with healthier coping techniques and a way to get things off your shoulders and chest.

Hardships and challanges help mold who we are by our response to them.

Patience(a water type of emotion) can help put out the flames of anger.

 

[Jade Tigress]

It just sounds like you need a vacation my friend. You have had a lot of stress and life changes within the past 2 years. Take your family and get away somewhere to recharge your batteries.

 

[Hagakure]

Thanks guys, input is much appreciated, my day's started looking up as it is.

A wise man () briefly explained his past, and I've decided upon a course of action. Just hope it's not too late.

Hagakure.

 

[jarrod]

Maybe you need someone to talk to professionally to help you with healthier coping techniques and a way to get things off your shoulders and chest.

JCA makes a good point too my friend, nothing wrong with finding a good professional listener. i talked to a therapist off & on for about 2 years for anger issues. i was looking for a cure for anger, instead of learning what to do with it. sounds like a simple thing, but it was a huge revelation to me.

it sounds like your problems have crept up in the last few years, so it may very well be different for you.

jf

 

[Hagakure]

JCA makes a good point too my friend, nothing wrong with finding a good professional listener. i talked to a therapist off & on for about 2 years for anger issues. i was looking for a cure for anger, instead of learning what to do with it. sounds like a simple thing, but it was a huge revelation to me.

it sounds like your problems have crept up in the last few years, so it may very well be different for you.

jf

Yep, that's part of the plan mate. I guess I thought I was "ok" and that it was natural to feel like this. The recent explosive outburts though, have proved otherwise. I'm open to pretty much all suggestions, and have made an appointment with my GP (MD I think to you guys) this week.

If I can combine that with everything I currently do, then who knows... Also reading up on NLP and recognising the triggers. Anyone had any experience with this?

Jarrod, you're up late aren't you?

 

[Xue Sheng]

Hey people.

Not sure where I'm going with this, it's a "make it up as you go" kinda thread. I'm in a place emotionally at the moment, that, I'm so unbelieveably angry most of the time. I can feel it sitting there underneath the surface of my normal behaviour. I feel like a coiled spring.

I'll give you an example. I get home from work, and I'm non-communicative. Last night, my little girl, absolute angel to me, my world, had a heavy cold, temperature, runny nose etc, and is crying for me at 0200 in the morning. So after a while, she wouldn't let me do anything to help her, I tried giving her medicine, and she fought against me tooth and nail, and, I bawled at her to take her medicine. I felt terrible for having scared her, and having lost my temper. It's not the first time either. Not with her, but over the last few months in particular, I've just snapped on a few occassions, no warning, it just happens.

Even with training in the MA, meditation, and doing weights and going running, it's not enough to channel it.

I've tried to analyse it rationally, and look at the reasons in my life as to why this emotion may be manifesting itself so intensely but I don't know if it's just a cop out. The last 2.5 years have seen me become a dad, get married, get made redundant, go back to uni, move house, finish my degree, have my little girl go through some pretty serious surgery, started an uber high powered job that I don't enjoy but pays well and will get us into NZ. Just feels like I can't catch a breath sometimes. My emotions are in an unpredictable loop that's seemingly beyond my control.

Can't seem to shake this anger thing. Wondered if any of you'd experienced similar circumstances/emotions/experiences and how and if you were able to come through the other side ok. Or, if you have any ideas or suggestions for coping mechanisms? Dunno why I'm posting it to you lot, don't wanna keep hassling my wife I guess. She's put up with a lot from me, and I don't want to jeapardise us. I guess it's also easier in some ways sharing with those you don't know particularly well at all...

Anger, been there done that... more than once.... I will PM you

 

[Hagakure]

Anger, been there done that... more than once.... I will PM you

Thanks buddy, look forward to hearing from you. Been a while eh.

 

[mook jong man]

I was worse than you , every little thing would irritate me and make me snap and I would also have episodes of depression . I went to the doctor to get a wart burnt off my leg and the doctor noticed that I don't sit still and I am always fidgeting or moving my leg or something .

She sent me to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and I've been on medication ever since . The medication controls my temper and keeps me relatively calm but after I do exercise or training it makes me pretty hyper for a while.

I'm not saying thats whats wrong with you because I've had this condition all my life , but your one is recent so it might just be the stress from your job.
Hope you get better.

 

[jks9199]

The first word is STRESS. Good, bad, your body doesn't care. It ramps up the same way -- and leaves the same chaos behind. Physically and emotionally.

Therapy can help. Meds may be appropriate -- but only after you've seen and discussed it with a mental health professional. Taking a break can help. So can reassessing some things in your life -- because you may be pushing too hard or putting too much pressure on yourself over various issues in your life.

And -- find some time for yourself. Not training, not gym... just some TIME. Maybe stop at a park on the way home from work, and go for a walk. No pressure; no demands, just walking.

 

[Hagakure]

I was worse than you , every little thing would irritate me and make me snap and I would also have episodes of depression . I went to the doctor to get a wart burnt off my leg and the doctor noticed that I don't sit still and I am always fidgeting or moving my leg or something .

She sent me to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and I've been on medication ever since . The medication controls my temper and keeps me relatively calm but after I do exercise or training it makes me pretty hyper for a while.

I'm not saying thats whats wrong with you because I've had this condition all my life , but your one is recent so it might just be the stress from your job.
Hope you get better.

Thanks mate, that's some pretty good advice/thoughts right there. In fairness it sounds fairly similar to my own experiences.

It's odd, in some way, it's a cathartic experience getting if off my chest, and seeking advice. Feels as though I've acknowledged the issue and am working towards resolution.

 

[MA-Caver]

Hagakure, glad you're finding an answer to a problem we both share. I too experience moments of overwhelming rage and it takes everything I got to contain it and sometimes I literally shake involuntarily from the struggle.
It is stress and it is something that is bad... Agree with Xue that there is good and bad stress ...right now what I've been experiencing is more of the bad than the good.
Pam hit it on the nose that a vacation is needed, but $$ is needed for a vacation Plus my present responsibilities wouldn't allow a vacation even if I had the money.
I started therapy myself but because it a free type of clinic (remember no $$) there are far too many patients for them to see me as regularly as I'd like/need. Once a month does not therapeutic healing make... at least not for this fella.
I've got quasi outlets here and there and now I'm working again I should be doing better.

I'm sorry that you had blown up at your precious baby girl. I'm glad that you realize that it's not a good thing to do. Yet in a small way it's good because as she gets older that impression/image of "daddy mad" will help her behave -- if you get my meaning -- when you give her that stern "no" then she'll have that and respond to it and even as she gets older she'll know it's a good idea to obey daddy (and mum). A bad way to do it but it could yield positive results in the long term. I'm sure you're making it up to her in droves.

 

[Hagakure]

Hagakure, glad you're finding an answer to a problem we both share. I too experience moments of overwhelming rage and it takes everything I got to contain it and sometimes I literally shake involuntarily from the struggle.
It is stress and it is something that is bad... Agree with Xue that there is good and bad stress ...right now what I've been experiencing is more of the bad than the good.
Pam hit it on the nose that a vacation is needed, but $$ is needed for a vacation Plus my present responsibilities wouldn't allow a vacation even if I had the money.
I started therapy myself but because it a free type of clinic (remember no $$) there are far too many patients for them to see me as regularly as I'd like/need. Once a month does not therapeutic healing make... at least not for this fella.
I've got quasi outlets here and there and now I'm working again I should be doing better.

I'm sorry that you had blown up at your precious baby girl. I'm glad that you realize that it's not a good thing to do. Yet in a small way it's good because as she gets older that impression/image of "daddy mad" will help her behave -- if you get my meaning -- when you give her that stern "no" then she'll have that and respond to it and even as she gets older she'll know it's a good idea to obey daddy (and mum). A bad way to do it but it could yield positive results in the long term. I'm sure you're making it up to her in droves.

Off to Wing Chun in a bit, but will reply to this in more detail later mate.

H

 

[Hagakure]

Well guys,

I wanted to post a thanks to the ideas, support and general messages of goodwill about this post. Appointment made with the docs on Thursday evening, and a very honest chat with the wife last night. From here, there are two courses of action I'd like to take, including the possibility of medication and counselling. I intend to continue with the MA training, meditation and have finally found a grappling class near to me! I also found out that the well paid job, that I'm not fond of, may not be mine for much longer anyway, oddly enough, not because of the recession, but because of HR policy. So, on the one hand, something to fear, on the other, a possible new start...

Finally, just want to reiterate how cool the replies have been, if we're ever stateside, (and the missus is gagging to go to NYC!) I'll gladly buy any of you a beer or 5 who are able.

Thanks again,

Hagakure.

 

[Jade Tigress]

Best wishes and please let us know how it goes. :asian:

 

[Hagakure]

Best wishes and please let us know how it goes. :asian:

Hi JT, thanks mate, will surely do so. I feel a heck of a lot less pent up just getting it out. From here, the start.

 

[Tez3]

Get yourself up to us, not just to train but to get you into an atmosphere you understand. We have various options here that you are still entitled to use due to your previous employment.