Introduction
...I don't want to be a teacher...I see myself as the Student in the Dojo of the Universe...but I already know so much; I just don't want to risk the responsibility of becoming a teacher, but perhaps it's my inevitable destiny. In a way, it's both a blessing and a curse. I get told that I'm "such a bright light" by the people in my life...but I rarely feel like one. I am full of fear; terrified of the world, of people, of all the things that can hurt me...of ever being a victim again. I tried running away from the darkness in me; tried becoming a pacifist and tried to look at the world in a positive light, and not through dog-eat-dog colored lenses. Those feelings consumed me to the point that I became angry all the time; hated everyone and everything. I sunk deep into depression and indulged myself in the drug and alcohol party scene...all the while planning horrific vengeance upon the monsters who did this to me...I nearly made it back to that godforsaken desert thousands of miles away; my family finally pieced together the real reason I decided to go on vacation; mother pulled the old "I'm dying" card on me over the phone to guilt me into postponing my crusade...That was pretty recent, so I'm still pretty angry, and I have some severely mixed feelings on my empathy; part of me feels it's a weakness that I should have kept in check better...but nonetheless, I've returned back to the Arctic where I was born and raised, and have been coming to accept the fact that I need more training before considering taking on my enemies, for they are overwhelmingly powerful; they're a multi-billion dollar Fortune 500 company with armies of lawyers at their disposal; they have the money and the will to buy people off with hired experts to back them up....they are above the law....as much as burning their world to the ground with no mercy or restraint would sate my thirst for retribution....it might be the only way to stop what happened to me from ever happening again...when the law is unjust, is it right or wrong for justice to then become an outlaw? I've tried lobbying, I've tried petitioning, I spent thousands of dollars flying to the Capital Building to expose my enemies to people who had influence, only to discover that there's "pushback". I kept it up for years, and nothing has changed....and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that maybe in the years I spent trying to do things "the right way"....some other kid was getting beaten to a pulp or killed....and things far worse than death....if they turned another child into an empty shell, I can't help but feel responsible...and I still wonder whether or not taking justice into my own hands is the right thing to do, or not. I know so much, but I can't help but feel in this world of uncertainty and fear, that I still have so much left to learn...
...I don't want to be a teacher...I see myself as the Student in the Dojo of the Universe...but I already know so much; I just don't want to risk the responsibility of becoming a teacher, but perhaps it's my inevitable destiny. In a way, it's both a blessing and a curse. I get told that I'm "such a bright light" by the people in my life...but I rarely feel like one. I am full of fear; terrified of the world, of people, of all the things that can hurt me...of ever being a victim again. I tried running away from the darkness in me; tried becoming a pacifist and tried to look at the world in a positive light, and not through dog-eat-dog colored lenses. Those feelings consumed me to the point that I became angry all the time; hated everyone and everything. I sunk deep into depression and indulged myself in the drug and alcohol party scene...all the while planning horrific vengeance upon the monsters who did this to me...I nearly made it back to that godforsaken desert thousands of miles away; my family finally pieced together the real reason I decided to go on vacation; mother pulled the old "I'm dying" card on me over the phone to guilt me into postponing my crusade...That was pretty recent, so I'm still pretty angry, and I have some severely mixed feelings on my empathy; part of me feels it's a weakness that I should have kept in check better...but nonetheless, I've returned back to the Arctic where I was born and raised, and have been coming to accept the fact that I need more training before considering taking on my enemies, for they are overwhelmingly powerful; they're a multi-billion dollar Fortune 500 company with armies of lawyers at their disposal; they have the money and the will to buy people off with hired experts to back them up....they are above the law....as much as burning their world to the ground with no mercy or restraint would sate my thirst for retribution....it might be the only way to stop what happened to me from ever happening again...when the law is unjust, is it right or wrong for justice to then become an outlaw? I've tried lobbying, I've tried petitioning, I spent thousands of dollars flying to the Capital Building to expose my enemies to people who had influence, only to discover that there's "pushback". I kept it up for years, and nothing has changed....and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that maybe in the years I spent trying to do things "the right way"....some other kid was getting beaten to a pulp or killed....and things far worse than death....if they turned another child into an empty shell, I can't help but feel responsible...and I still wonder whether or not taking justice into my own hands is the right thing to do, or not. I know so much, but I can't help but feel in this world of uncertainty and fear, that I still have so much left to learn...