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Oprah featured this book on the tenth anniversary of its release, add I was really intrigued. It's not specifically MA-oriented, but the main thrust of the book is that we all have a hard-wired danger signal in our intuition. Intuition, quoth Gavin de Becker, can process information faster than the conscious mind can. This gives us extra time to prepare for the F&F.
He says that predators tend to give specific signals that can tip one off - I'll expand on this for my own benefit to reinforce it in my mind:
* Predator is very charming and engaging.
* Predator gives too much information, more than is appropriate for the interaction. It indicates that s/he has a story to keep straight.
* Predator creates a sense of alliance with the victim by using "we" early on in the interaction.
* Predator manipulates the victim with something to prove - "I'll bet you're too much of a snob to talk to me."
* Predator gives victim some kind of a freebie to incur a sense of obligation.
* Predator makes unsolicited promises to victim.
* Most blatantly, the predator is oblivious to the word "no."
I was pleased to find that I knew most of these already and have been applying them for some time. (If anyone's curious, I'd be willing to share a couple war stories of disasters I've dodged. :wink1: After reading this book I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.)
De Becker goes through different types of violence depending on the perp's relationship to the victim in subsequent chapters - stalkers, domestic violence, workplace (including how to fire "problem" employees,) violent behavior in children, and assassins. He has a very engaging style, quite readable with lots of anecdotes. I've inhaled this book over the last few days. I'm thinking about getting my own copy, and maybe even donating a couple to my local domestic violence shelter.
Has anyone else read this? I'd love to hear some comments.
He says that predators tend to give specific signals that can tip one off - I'll expand on this for my own benefit to reinforce it in my mind:
* Predator is very charming and engaging.
* Predator gives too much information, more than is appropriate for the interaction. It indicates that s/he has a story to keep straight.
* Predator creates a sense of alliance with the victim by using "we" early on in the interaction.
* Predator manipulates the victim with something to prove - "I'll bet you're too much of a snob to talk to me."
* Predator gives victim some kind of a freebie to incur a sense of obligation.
* Predator makes unsolicited promises to victim.
* Most blatantly, the predator is oblivious to the word "no."
I was pleased to find that I knew most of these already and have been applying them for some time. (If anyone's curious, I'd be willing to share a couple war stories of disasters I've dodged. :wink1: After reading this book I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.)
De Becker goes through different types of violence depending on the perp's relationship to the victim in subsequent chapters - stalkers, domestic violence, workplace (including how to fire "problem" employees,) violent behavior in children, and assassins. He has a very engaging style, quite readable with lots of anecdotes. I've inhaled this book over the last few days. I'm thinking about getting my own copy, and maybe even donating a couple to my local domestic violence shelter.
Has anyone else read this? I'd love to hear some comments.