Why can't you help someone anymore?

[shesulsa]

So I'm standing in line at the grocery store the other day and this poor young woman is trying to hold a toddler in one arm and unload her bursting basket with the other hand. Having been there, I popped over and said, "need help with that?" and started unloading her basket onto the conveyor. She looked at me like I was crazy. So I said, "I've had three kids and I remember wishing someone would just help me a little bit, ya know?" So I got most of her stuff onto the conveyor until her toddler could fit safely into the basket and she could get the rest. Even when she said "thank you," she looked like she thought I was utterly insane. She completely avoided me afterwards and seemed to shrink from me.

I suppose she might have some kind of history or something, but ... dammit, why can't we help each other out anymore? Have manners and kindness gone so far out the window we can't extend common courtesy any longer?

I'm just a crazy old lady now, I suppose.

 

[Simon Curran]

I know how you feel,

On my way down to training the other night, an elderly lady was quite obviously struggling with a large amount of shopping and no carrier bag, just as I approached she dropped some of it, which I bent down to pick up for her.
Not only did she not say thanks, she actually told me quite forcibly to leave it be...
Some people...

 

[Jade Tigress]

It's too bad you can't help someone out these days just to be nice. My guess is that with so many warnings about scams and cons people are suspicious of any kind act. Don't take it personally and keep helping when you can. I'm sure that afterwards your help makes the person grateful then they realize they weren't taken advantage of in some way and aren't missing any property. Sadly, it's the state of our society that we have to be so cautious all the time. But as long as random acts of kindness continue to show up there is hope!

 

[elder999]

So I'm standing in line at the grocery store the other day and this poor young woman is trying to hold a toddler in one arm and unload her bursting basket with the other hand. Having been there, I popped over and said, "need help with that?" and started unloading her basket onto the conveyor. She looked at me like I was crazy. So I said, "I've had three kids and I remember wishing someone would just help me a little bit, ya know?" So I got most of her stuff onto the conveyor until her toddler could fit safely into the basket and she could get the rest. Even when she said "thank you," she looked like she thought I was utterly insane. She completely avoided me afterwards and seemed to shrink from me.

I suppose she might have some kind of history or something, but ... dammit, why can't we help each other out anymore? Have manners and kindness gone so far out the window we can't extend common courtesy any longer?

I'm just a crazy old lady now, I suppose.

At least you're an attractive caucasian woman:you can go ahead and think she's crazy!

I've about given up on helping less than desperate strangers....
....being a somewhat menacing appearing, large swarthy male of visually indeterminate ethnic origin myself, I actually had a woman screaming bloody murder-for the manager and the cops- last time I tried the very same thing in the very same situation. I hadn't even offered to "hold her kid."

I also drive a fairly isolated stretch of road to and from work: I live in the Santa Fe National Forest, in the Jemez Mountains west of Los Alamos, NM. Tourists break down all the time, and cell phones typically don't work out that way. I just stop, roll down my window and offer to call when I get to the house-don't want to scare anyone silly, or maybe get shot!

On the other hand, what with pregnant women being kidnapped and murdered for the babies inside them, it's no wonder we can't help each other: we're too busy being righteously scared.

 

[oldnewbie]

You know, if you watch the new, or listen to the radio, you will see that the "bad guys" are using the same "acts of kindness" to perpetuate their crap on people. So, therefore, it is not to outlandish to see strangers being cautious.

In your paticular situation, her response was a little over the edge...just a little though.

You know it's funny, we teach our kids not to talk to strangers, could it be that she grew up thinking the same thing?

With all the recent crap here is Florida with the predators, etc., I think I would look long and hard a someone who just tried to "help"...but on the other hand no one ever does with me.. my wife says it's the permanant scowl on my face...:idunno:

 

[terryl965]

I suppose she might have some kind of history or something, but ... dammit, why can't we help each other out anymore? Have manners and kindness gone so far out the window we can't extend common courtesy any longer?

I'm just a crazy old lady now, I suppose

Shesulsa, In todays world people have forgotton how to help, when someone try's they always look at you like your an idiot. Myself try to hold doors open for lady's and older adult but most of the time I get I have it.The world would be a better place if people was tought etiquete and compassion, insteed we teach how to be in a hurry and get there faster and it does not matter what other people think well it is wrong in my life I need to stop and smell the roses once in a while, just two weeks ago we was at Texas state tournament and my son Zachary was trying to talk to this other young man and the 11 year old told him he could not talk and told his instructor that my son was trying to get valuable info. all he did was ask where are you from, like they have some type of secret MA training need \less to say mt\y saon beat him and all that kid said was Zachary cheated because he was asking him questions.
It's a sad sad world when we can't even talk to each other.

 

[Makalakumu]

So I'm standing in line at the grocery store the other day and this poor young woman is trying to hold a toddler in one arm and unload her bursting basket with the other hand. Having been there, I popped over and said, "need help with that?" and started unloading her basket onto the conveyor. She looked at me like I was crazy. So I said, "I've had three kids and I remember wishing someone would just help me a little bit, ya know?" So I got most of her stuff onto the conveyor until her toddler could fit safely into the basket and she could get the rest. Even when she said "thank you," she looked like she thought I was utterly insane. She completely avoided me afterwards and seemed to shrink from me.

I suppose she might have some kind of history or something, but ... dammit, why can't we help each other out anymore? Have manners and kindness gone so far out the window we can't extend common courtesy any longer?

I'm just a crazy old lady now, I suppose.

Our society is so cut off socially that I think that alot of us get depressed from this. This concept of the nuclear family is a direct result of the unsustainable, frenetic pace that we live our lives. In the US many people are so wealthy and so used to wasting that people think that they really don't need anyone else.

This kind of stuff pisses me off because it's so hard to get away from it. In my opinion, we could all use a dose of poverty in order to learn how to reconnected, depend on each other, trust each other, and share!

*gets off the soapbox*

upnorthkyosa

 

[Bammx2]

This kind of stuff pisses me off because it's so hard to get away from it. In my opinion, we could all use a dose of poverty in order to learn how to reconnected, depend on each other, trust each other, and share!

*gets off the soapbox*

upnorthkyosa

AMEN!!

Being from the south,where everybody is polite(well...more so than other places)
and now living in the UK...the supposed "more culturaly tolerant capital"(ACK!)
I have found a new game to play and keeps me smiling.....
it's called BE POLITE!
95% of the people here flip out when you are polite to them!
And comming from an american?!?! ooowee!
They are waiting for a gun at that point!
I have been told to get.......bent

just for saying "yes ma'am" or holding a door open for someone.
I just smile and tell them its a new exchange program....
I imported manners to see how "culturally tolerant" they really are

 

[Gemini]

AMEN!!

Being from the south,where everybody is polite(well...more so than other places)
and now living in the UK...the supposed "more culturaly tolerant capital"(ACK!)
I have found a new game to play and keeps me smiling.....
it's called BE POLITE!
95% of the people here flip out when you are polite to them!
And comming from an american?!?! ooowee!
They are waiting for a gun at that point!
I have been told to get.......bent

just for saying "yes ma'am" or holding a door open for someone.
I just smile and tell them its a new exchange program....
I imported manners to see how "culturally tolerant" they really are

I look at it very much the same way. Otherwise, you get mad. The majority of the time I hold the door open for someone (which is quite often) they walk through like it was my job. Not a word, a look, smile or anything. I'm sorry but that's just plain rude. I look at them, smile and say "your welcome". Sometimes they say "I'm sorry, thank you". Usually they just keep walking. I understand how people can be a little skeptical, but it's to the point it's rediculous. Being POLITE is a fun game. It reminds me I'm not the worst person in the world....

 

[shesulsa]

Being from the south,where everybody is polite(well...more so than other places)
and now living in the UK...the supposed "more culturaly tolerant capital"(ACK!)
I have found a new game to play and keeps me smiling.....
it's called BE POLITE!

Maybe that's part of my problem - my parents experienced WW2 in their teen years and were born and raised in Nashville. Though they raised me in Southern California, lots rubbed off on me, I guess ... calling people Mr. this or Miss/Mrs. that, Sir and Ma'am, please and thank you, opening doors for others, etcetera.

Perhaps that's why I feel a bit uncomfortable when my children's friends call me by my first name.

I agree that we could all use a nice big dose of poverty to help understand what helping each other is all about ... also the value of being personable when you can be.

I like to challenge others (especially my girl scouts) to do unexpected nice things like this. A little means a lot in so many ways.

 

[Gemini]

I agree that we could all use a nice big dose of poverty to help understand what helping each other is all about ... also the value of being personable when you can be.

I think you're right. Let's try an experiment. Everyone here send me all your money and we'll see if I can still be as nice and polite as before.


j/k. I agree with your point.

 

[Feisty Mouse]

shesulsa, I'm sorry you came up against this, which seems to be everywhere! I'm a very non-threatening figure, and I still sometimes get the odd look or rapid walking away when I hold a door for someone, or help pick up items that they dropped on the floor. It makes me sad - but I also see the same paranoias in myself, too, which I have to check when someone is actually being nice.

It's a sad thing when we all feel we must be so suspicious of others. It seems like almost everyone is an "outsider", because our own social groups have gotten so small.

 

[Lisa]

I get confused by people who don't accept random acts of kindness. When someone opens a door for me,or holds one open while I walk through I always make a point of making eye contact and thanking them. It is just plain nice. We all teach (or a majority of us anyways) our children to say please and thank you, etc. So where does it get lost? Somewhere between being an innocent child and being an adult we become tainted and afraid of our own shadows.

Remember when you were a kid? I remember taking off from home in the morning and not really returning unless I was hungry. We played, unsupervised for hours and hours, without fear. Now, people are afraid to let their children out of their back yards. We fence them in, make play dates for them and generally don't let them out of our sight. In this day and age we don't feel comfortable in our own homes and we take that with us when we go out in the world and we look at everyone strangely when they try to lend a helping hand. Perhaps we are programming our children to mistrust everyone.

 

[Shizen Shigoku]

Reminded me of this thread: http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21478

All I can say is what I said then:

"See. That's how they get you. First one person does something nice, then another person has to retaliate and do something nice too, and then all of a sudden all sorts of people are doing nice things for other people . . .

Oh what is this world coming to?!! "

 

[Gin-Gin]

shesulsa, I'm sorry you came up against this, which seems to be everywhere! I'm a very non-threatening figure, and I still sometimes get the odd look or rapid walking away when I hold a door for someone, or help pick up items that they dropped on the floor. It makes me sad - but I also see the same paranoias in myself, too, which I have to check when someone is actually being nice. It's a sad thing when we all feel we must be so suspicious of others. It seems like almost everyone is an "outsider", because our own social groups have gotten so small.

Very true, Feisty! Last month (on St. Patrick's Day to be exact--guess I didn't have the luck of the Irish with me :lol: ) I got a flat tire on the way home after class & it seemed to take forever to change it (I was tired from class & it had been a long day). Since it was 9pm, I waited until I could pull into a well-lit parking lot, which turned out to be the parking lot of a fast food restaurant. I parked behind the drive thru sign & got out my tools & started to change the tire. At least 6 or 7 people drove by & just looked at me. None of them said a word, they just sat in their cars & watched me as they ordered their food! Only the last person said anything to me which was, "Are you changing a tire?" [Wow! nothing gets by you, genius... ]

The thing is, as pissed as I was at them for their response (or lack of it) being a single woman, I also understand it because these days you do have to be careful. *sigh*

 

[dubljay]

We all have had encounters with this, and it is getting worse. I remember a couple of years ago I had just pulled into a parking lot to walk into a store when some one's car died at an intersection. I crossed the traffic to help them push and all I got was a strange look and a barely audible "uh thanks". I get odd looks when I hold the door for people... its generally depressing.

 

[shesulsa]

Only the last person said anything to me, which was, "are you changing a tire?" [Wow! nothing gets by you, genius... ]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

 

[oldnewbie]

The last time I stopped to help someone, I was in high school, (I'm 42 now)
It was an elderly couple, with car trouble. It was dusk, and I was looking under their hood, with both of them in the car, when all of a sudden I heard tires squeel, I lowered the hood and looked through the windows, to see headlights comming fast from the rear...
I jumped to the side, had my feet clipped from the elderly couples car, and landed some 15 feet away.
I was fine, the elderly couple had cuts and scraps from banging around without their seat belts, and the driver in the car behind us, broke her nose on her steering wheel.

I was done with that.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I used to help but too many sour experiences have made me more jaded towards things.
I've held doors open for people just to watch them slow down, or even stop dead to avoid it while I was there. I've paused to let someone merge just to have them flip me off as a 'thank you'. I've gone the extra step and snow blowed my neighbors walks and driveways, just to be repaid by them blowing their snow onto my clean walks the next time it snows. I'm rarely surprised by the apathy, indifference or outright rudeness anymore. People are too "self important", too paranoid, in too much of a hurry anymore it seems. And, it sucks.

 

[TonyM.]

I've been told to do something that's physically impossible on several occasions when I've held a door for someone. I find it amuzing and continue to behave like a gentleman.