What it really means.....

Bob Hubbard

Retired
MT Mentor
Founding Member
Lifetime Supporting Member
MTS Alumni
Joined
Aug 4, 2001
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Land of the Free
What the Company Really Means when it says things

"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some overtime each night and some overtime each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Everyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED:" Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

What a Potential Employee Means:

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:" I've used Microsoft Office.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.

"WHEN YOU NEED ME I'M THERE:" I'm there -- not here!

"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm gone!

"I AM ON THE GO:" You'll never find me at my desk.

"I AM CONSTANTLY ON THE GO:" I have serious intestinal problems.
 

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