Things Republicans Believe

[Bob Hubbard]

I found this on a website, and thought it was an interesting read. The contradictions are, interesting. I'm sure there is a comparable one on the Democrats, and would love to see it if found as a counterpoint.

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Things Republicans Believe (received anonymously on the net)



Things Republicans Believe (received anonymously on the net)

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and
you need our prayers for
your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions
against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business
and Big Money but crack
down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the
pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs
to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind without
regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise
the troops in speeches
while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless
you someday run for
governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of
the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care
to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business
with him and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense. A
president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid
defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named
in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring
the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's
cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can
tell states what local voter initiatives they have a
right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
international harmony.

 

[DngrRuss]

Bravo
Bravo

 

[Sam]

I love it.

 

[sgtmac_46]

You might be a democrat if...


You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden

You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.

You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.

You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.

You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.

You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.

You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.

You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.

You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.

You believe Banning abortions will only drive them underground, but banning guns will make them disappear.

You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.

You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.

You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.

You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."

You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.

You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.

When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.

You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.

You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.

You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.

You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.

Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.

You've named your kids "Stardust" or "Moonbeam."

You've tried to argue that all of societies problems are based on the
fact that McDonald's, by law, only has to pay $5/hr.

If you utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" at least once a week.

If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner's rights".

If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said
it right" during an episode of Oprah.

You've ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a
conversation.

You know you never laughed as a kid, the world was in just too
bad a shape.

All of your 1970's "Beware of Global Freezing" signs now have
"Beware of Global Warming" on the back.

Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Grateful Dead show,
but your not sure what year you saw them.

You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating
that your bags are subject to inspection.

You've ever argued that "you can't legislate morality".

Referred to the Founding Fathers as "those aristocratic, chauvinistic,
lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous
personnel".

You argued that a few more months of sanctions and Sadam Hussein would
fold like rookie poker player.

You know more than 2 people who have a degree in "Womyn's Studies."

You've ever said "But look at all the good Ted Kennedy has done for
the women of this country!"

You blame things on "The Man."

You believe that Bart Simpson only needs a little more affection.

You've ever stared at a wall and said "Now THAT is definitely man's
inhumanity to man!"

You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Russia was an agrarian
society.

You've ever called the meter maid a Fascist.

You are giddy at the prospect of the return of bell bottoms.

You argue that the Second Amendment only refers to Federally organized
militias.

You view Jane Fonda as a courageous heroine with strong convictions.

You view Hootie and the Blowfish as the bedrock of culture refinement
for the 90's.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say "America is
undertaxed."

You've ever said "We really should call the ACLU about this."

You've ever referred to "the glass ceiling."

You know 2 or more people with "concrete proof" that the Pentagon is
covering up: Roswell the Kennedy assassination the CIA's role in
creating AIDS.

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember.

You've ever owned a VW bug or ridden in a Microbus.

You own something that says Dukakis for President, and still display
it.

You believe it because "Dan Rather wouldn't lie about something this
important."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a
tax hike because..."

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "is a victim of Draconian
budget cuts."

You've ever argued that with just 1 more year of welfare that person
will turn it around and get off drugs.

You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.

You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic
category.

You are outraged that Baseball Players make millions and the poor clerk
at the unemployment office only makes 28 bucks an hour doing such good
work.

You believe that an elected official attending religious services is a
violation of the separation of Church and state.

You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the
defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.

You think that Al Gore macherena thing was a laugh riot.

You feel that Green Peace is misunderstood.

You keep your PC dictionary with you at all times so as not to offend.

You think communism will catch on once society has evolved.

You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on "Well, they're
gonna do it anyway so...."

You've ever stated "How does what he does in his personal life have
any bearing on doing his job?" (Note: only valid when referring to a democrat)

You believe that Children can be exposed to years of violent and sexually-explicit imagery in popular culture with no ill effects, but an adult who is exposed to a racially insensitive remark is emotionally scarred for life.

You believe that The Enron accounting scandal is an indictment of free markets as such, but UNSCAM is no big deal.

You believe an unemployment rate of 5.6% during the Clinton administration was unusually low, but an unemployment rate of 5.6% during the Bush administration is unusually high.

You believe a work of art portraying Jesus submersed in urine is daring and avant garde, but a work of art portraying Mohammad submersed in urine would be bigoted and hateful.

You believe George Bush invaded Iraq for the oil, but the many profiteers from the oil-for-food program opposed the war out of principle.

You believe scientists and engineers can't build a safe nuclear reactor, but global warming activists can accurately predict the weather.

You believe we need to move beyond 9/11, so we can get back to obsessing over Vietnam.

You believe the Second Amendment does not protect the right to keep and bear arms, but the Fourteenth Amendment mandates race preferences.

You believe fetuses do not have rights, but animals do.

You believe parents should have a choice over whether their children are born, but not what school they attend.

 

[michaeledward]

Gee Bob, I do really dislike soundbite politics.

But, (and there always is a but), when the Gingrich revolution named Rush Limbaugh an 'honorary member of Congress', they earned that first smear.

And isn't it the Republicans who go on, and on, about the intent of the founding fathers; yet they disreguard Article 1, Section 2, Clause 1, with that self-indulgent celebration.

 

[TonyM.]

When democrats and republicans fight each other our common enemies win. This is exactly what they are counting on.

 

[arnisador]

I found the take on both sides funny! That's why I'm a fierce independent.

When democrats and republicans fight each other our common enemies win. This is exactly what they are counting on.

Well, the other point of view if that it keeps each side honest if they have an opposition. If there was only one party, legislators would make $10 million per year and serve 60 year terms.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

They don't?

OHH!!!! You're looking at base pay. Not graft, bribes, kickbacks, donations, perks, and spending 60 years in the same job because the deck is seriously stacked against kicking an incumbent out hmm?

 

[bustr]

Amen!

 

[dianhsuhe]

Thanks sgt Mac- I am glad you posted that!

 

[DngrRuss]

I found the take on both sides funny! That's why I'm a fierce independent.

Well said Arnisador. I too am fiercley independant. I think that they are both going the wrong direction.

And they wonder why I drink...

 

[bustr]

Truth hurts. Republicans will really get steamed over this topic.

 

[FearlessFreep]

I guess only if they were serious or something.

Both sets of lists were just tongue in cheek humour. Sarcasm with a grain of truth blown out of proportion. Good for a laugh but I would hope nobody would take them seriously.

I've given up thinking those in the party in either party really have principles anymore, other then to maintain power by making promises to their carved out list of constinuents and demonizing the other side in hopes of attracting the undecided

 

[Sam]

both were funny, but too many of the "things democrats believe" were in reference to hippie culture and had nothing to do with politics.

what does seeing the dead and not remembering the year or wanting bell bottoms to come back have to do with how the government should be run?

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Same thing as who you slept with, or if you inhaled.

 

[hardheadjarhead]

Somebody ought to send that off to Rush Limbaugh.


It goes a long ways in pointing out the hypocrisy of the Republican party...or shall we say its most right wing pundits?



Regards,



Steve

 

[Tgace]

Some repeats from Sgtmac, but a few new ones..


Things Democrats Believe

People who use drugs deserve compassion and understanding -- unless their drug of choice is tobacco.

Children can be exposed to years of violent and sexually-explicit imagery in popular culture with no ill effects, but an adult who is exposed to a racially insensitive remark is emotionally scarred for life.

Banning abortions will only drive them underground, but banning guns will make them disappear.

Teaching children about safe sex in school will make them sexually responsible, but teaching children about safe gun handling in school would make them violent killers.

The Enron accounting scandal is an indictment of free markets as such, but UNSCAM is no big deal.

An unemployment rate of 5.6% during the Clinton administration was unusually low, but an unemployment rate of 5.6% during the Bush administration is unusually high.

Successful government programs should be praised and publicized -- unless the program is welfare reform.

A work of art portraying Jesus submersed in urine is daring and avant garde, but a work of art portraying Mohammad submersed in urine would be bigoted and hateful.

George Bush invaded Iraq for the oil, but the many profiteers from the oil-for-food program opposed the war out of principle.

Janet Jackson's breast is protected by the First Amendment, but political advocacy ads are not.

Scientists and engineers can't build a safe nuclear reactor, but global warming activists can accurately predict the weather.

Education should be value-neutral, except for values like multiculturalism and environmentalism.

We need to move beyond 9/11, so we can get back to obsessing over Vietnam.

The Second Amendment does not protect the right to keep and bear arms, but the Fourteenth Amendment mandates race preferences.

Fetuses do not have rights, but animals do.

Parents should have a choice over whether their children are born, but not what school they attend.

American corporations outsourcing jobs to poor foreign workers is bad; taxing American corporations and sending money to foreign dictators who promise to give it to poor foreigners, but actually squirrel it away in Swiss bank accounts, is good.

 

[Tgace]

A few others I found on Ye Ole Internet....some I agree with, others less so.

What Democrats believe.

1. White people are evil.
2. American Indians were better off living in the stone age than their descendants are now.
3. Christianity is evil, but Buddhism and New Age religions are okay.
4. Israel is evil.
5. Capitalism is evil, but Communism was just poorly implemented.
6. People who want to reduce immigration are evil.
7. Taxes should be raised.
8. Government spending should be raised.
9. If cops arrest more blacks than whites, that proves cops are racist.
10. Violence by blacks against whites or asians is never a hate crime.
11. Private property isn't.
12. All rights are granted by the government, and revocable at any time.
13. We must not allow private individuals to do anything that those in power find distasteful.
14. The government should discriminate against whites.
15. Children should be bussed across town to ensure racial balance at all schools.
16. It is wrong for poor whites to want vouchers for their kids, but okay for government officials to send their kids to private schools.
17. Islam is a religion of peace.
18. "Christmas" should be changed to "Winter Festival."
19. The internment of Japanese citizens and their American-born children during the war was more evil than anything done by Japan, and motivated purely by racism.
20. It is okay for homosexuals to publicly condemn Christians, but not okay for Christians to criticize homosexuals in any way.
21. It's only cheating if you get caught.
22. Global warming is real, and is mostly caused by Americans.
23. It is okay to lie, if you are doing it for a worthy political purpose.
24. It is okay to slander someone, if it is for a worthy political purpose.
25. Right and wrong are not universal, but depend on who is doing the acting and who is being acted upon.
26. Individuals do not have rights, groups do.
27. America and the Soviet Union were morally equal.
28. It would be a good thing if America were defeated in Iraq.

 

[Tgace]

This one is so blatantly slanted, or at least blunt, that I will just post the link...

http://www.federalistjournal.com/columns/orourke080700.htm

Amusing nonetheless.

 

[hardheadjarhead]

What Democrats believe.

2. American Indians were better off living in the stone age than their descendants are now.

Been to a reservation lately? My wife's Aunt's home had a dirt floor the last time she was up on the White Earth Reservation. We might observe that the alcoholism rate among native Americans was somewhat lower before the Europeans landed...and their population higher. We killed them, enslaved them, took their land and then said we "bought it" from the French. It wasn't the French's to sell.


3. Christianity is evil, but Buddhism and New Age religions are okay.

I love this one...THERE ARE NO CHRISTIAN DEMOCRATS. The implication here is that all Democrats are Buddhists and Raelians.

Personally, I think Buddhism IS okay. They tend to skip those nasty Inquisitions and stuff.

5. Capitalism is evil, but Communism was just poorly implemented.

Probably why Democrats Truman, Kennedy, and Johnson got us involved in Korea and Vietnam...they wanted to properly implement communism.

7. Taxes should be raised.

True. But only on the rich. Not on you, TGace. We gotta pay for W's war somehow. Or would Republicans suggest we take a collection?

8. Government spending should be raised.

George W. Bush is a Democrat?

Talk to us how he's slashed spending since he's come into office. He has yet to veto a spending bill.

13. We must not allow private individuals to do anything that those in power find distasteful.

Like marry the person they love, grow medical marijuana for treatment of chronic pain...oops...I forgot. We're talking about Democrats, not Republicans.

17. Islam is a religion of peace.

George W. Bush is a Democrat?

That's exactly how he's described Islam in at least one State of the Union address.

19. The internment of Japanese citizens and their American-born children during the war was more evil than anything done by Japan, and motivated purely by racism.

Not at all...just a little bit beneath us, don't you think?

20. It is okay for homosexuals to publicly condemn Christians, but not okay for Christians to criticize homosexuals in any way.

THERE ARE NO CHRISTIAN HOMOSEXUALS. Thanks for pointing that out.

21. It's only cheating if you get caught.

Enron head Ken Lay, George W. Bush's biggest campaign contributor in 2000, would agree with you.

22. Global warming is real, and is mostly caused by Americans.

Actually, that's true. We do claim that. We're also right.

23. It is okay to lie, if you are doing it for a worthy political purpose.

George W. Bush is a Democrat?

WMD's, anyone?

How about Cheney lying during his debate with John Edwards? That was a real zinger.

24. It is okay to slander someone, if it is for a worthy political purpose.

George W. Bush is a Democrat?

(As John McCain about the slander issue.)

28. It would be a good thing if America were defeated in Iraq.

No. No we don't think that.

Many Democrats would think it good had we never gone in there at all.




Regards,


Steve