Johnny Lawrence's Facebook Message to Ali, but it's Shakespeare

Ivan

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Message from Sir Johnathan Lawrence The Third, to Miss Alice Mills The Second:

And then in 1992, iron eagle 3 cameth out. Thee knoweth what? i careth not what the critics sayeth, i bethought t wast quaint valorous. Not as valorous as iron eagle 1 and iron eagle 2, but ho, what movie is? i bethink wayne's ordinary wast yond year too. Yond one wast well enow. Those nerds hadst most wondrous gust in music, and the chick wast hot. What wast the lady doing with that gent? how cometh the hot chicks wend f'r the losers in these movies? concluded, be it, other than yond 1992 wast a quaint quiet year. Did get fir'd again, but what the hell doth those gents knoweth? i didn't liketh construction concluded, be it. Those gents all speaketh spanish and i'm quaint sure those gents wast making excit'ment of me oft. Doth thee knoweth what a "gringo" is? i did start learning a dram did bite of spanish from miguel and his family. I knoweth "hola", "plantain", "taco" and "dinero. " quaint valorous, i understand you not? whither wast i? oh, right, 1993. Thither wast yond dinosaur movie. Quaint valorous f'r the nineties. I cullionly, not anywhere near what we hadst backeth in the day. Recall predator? yond movie wast badass! this dinosaur thing wast quaint merit but too much sciencey stuffeth f'r me. I guesseth thee belike did like yond though, right? i cullionly, thou art a leech anon. I couldst nev'r beest a leech. Not after yond incident at community college (i did talk about yond a couple paragraphs ago, doest facebook alloweth thee wend backeth and reread?) still bethink those gents o'erreact'd. All the most wondrous scientists setteth things on fireth, right? liketh einstein or whoev'r. Concluded, be it, 1993. Dutch did get did arrest. Yond one wast quaint no more brain than stone. I wast malt-worm f'r most of t, but i'm quaint sure that gent hotwir'd a golf cart from the state club. I did look up from the bar and dutch is driving this thing at high speedeth, or i guesseth as high as something liketh yond can wend, and crashes t into the pool! those gents hadst to bringeth a crane in to receiveth t out. That gent didst some timeth but t wast worth t! concluded, be it, i bethink not i've been backeth to the state club since then. Sid wonneth't alloweth those folk baneth me but those guys art all uptight, and those gents only serveth foreign beer. T's offensive. We wonneth two ordinary wars drinking american beer. What the hell hast belgium ev'r done except receiveth invaded? who is't wanteth to drinketh yond the horror? i bethink i did get off topic again. Alloweth's receiveth backeth to the mid-nineties. 1994 wast a sloweth year. The nineties did suck, sir. Thee did turn on the radio and t wast just alas. Who is't writes a song about being a loser? and all those grungey types with the flannel. Alloweth me bid thee music is did suppose to beest about being badass and most wondrous, not about wanting to killeth yourself. Yond the horror can't beest valorous f'r kids to heareth, right? behold at me, worrying about what the kids art hearing. I guesseth being a parent changes thee. Not yond i'm all yond most wondrous of a parent. Well, miguel seemeth to liketh me well enow. Robby doesn't, i mess'd yond one up quaint valorous. Can't coequal receiveth the peat to talketh to me anymore. That gent's did stick in thither f'r a few moo months, and that gent's did get nobody. That gent wonneth't taketh mine own calleth. I desire his mother is talking to that gent at least. I bethink t might beest too late f'r me and that gent. I mess'd up too many times. Not yond i'm a total screweth up. I've done some valorous stuffeth too! which endues me to 1995 and how i madeth two grand betting on the OJ trial
 

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