How to deal with young martial artists?

[Galens]

I recently became involved with martial arts after a long personal desire to do so. I personally get more satisfaction and motivation when training with a group or a partner. However, recently, I've been having a lot of trouble with training since I started training together with a younger martial artist than myself. This individual is a child at heart and a teen in body. He also happens to be extremely unfocused, unorganized, extremely skeptical, bossy, showy and overall, way too hyper for me to keep up with. I tried getting this individual to train with me, but he doesn't grasp that training is serious and not a contest to see how many tornado kicks you can do within 3 seconds. I unfortunately regret coming to this particular training area now because this is where his other friends are, and I have an overwhelming desire to yell at this kid, or take a jar of peanut butter and shovel feed him so he can stop talking and hopefully, stop creating hurricanes with his flying monkey style.

How do I get through to this type of kid?

What can I say or do to help this kid understand that I mean business about training, without hurting his feelings, without outcasting him, and in a way that he can remember what I said the next week?

 

[Laurentkd]

Do you have an instructor? Surely he/she is in control of the floor? Or is this more of an open training group?

 

[Ken Morgan]

Do you have an instructor? Surely he/she is in control of the floor? Or is this more of an open training group?

Agreed. Get the instructor to talk to him or get you a new partner.

Or just come right out and tell him, (He's still a kid and probably needs to be told stuff), that you are paying your dues and are here to train seriously.

 

[Galens]

Well, at the school, he acts completely different, quiet, and rarely ever speaks. At the public gym, he goes ballistic on the punching bags.

I could use this kid as a partner, if I could get him out of the Jackie Chan stage.

Got any ideas on how to coax him into taking training seriously?

 

[Mr G]

There is no way to change other people. It is just frustrating to try. He is doing his thing that fits in his place in life.

Are there opportunities to train with people with your level of focus? Is there another potential partner? This guy is not your ideal partner...

 

[ATC]

You can't. I am an instructor and deal with all types and this type every day. You are who you are. You can put a face on for a while but your true face is always there, even when you cover it up.

However because he is young, life experiences are still shaping him, and what you see today may not be what you see down the road, just give him guidance and hope for the best.

I am amazed at what things I have done or said that seemed insignificant to me hit home to a young person and stick with them, only to have them tell me years later that this small thing I did or said really left an impression and helped them out down the road.

But for your own issue, just find another to train with that is more to your liking.

 

[Galens]

Thank you all very much for your replies. They are very helpful.

 

[blindsage]

You could also try sitting this kid down and having a adult, kind, respectful conversation with him, telling him what you are looking for from him, why you want to train with him (i.e. why you think you will get some benefit from him personally), and the difficulty you have with training with him when he acts he way you have experienced. He can then take it or leave it, and as long as you go into the discussion detached from the outcome, you can take it or leave it as well. I think you'd be surprised at the results of this approach. People (including kids and teens) respond surprisingly well to respect.

 

[Steve]

galens, how old are you? I get the impression you're not much older than this kid.

It's impossible to know for sure, but is it possible that you're taking things too seriously? If he's acting as expected in class, who are you to tell him what to do or how to train on his own time? Should he change the way he enjoys himself on his own time? Should he do so because you think he'd be a good training partner for you? I don't know, dude. If you came over to my house (or wherever I might be training outside of class) to roll and presumed to tell me that I'm goofing off too much, I'd thank you for sharing your opinion and probably not ask you back.

 

[Galens]

galens, how old are you? I get the impression you're not much older than this kid.

It's impossible to know for sure, but is it possible that you're taking things too seriously? If he's acting as expected in class, who are you to tell him what to do or how to train on his own time? Should he change the way he enjoys himself on his own time? Should he do so because you think he'd be a good training partner for you? I don't know, dude. If you came over to my house (or wherever I might be training outside of class) to roll and presumed to tell me that I'm goofing off too much, I'd thank you for sharing your opinion and probably not ask you back.

You're right, I'm not much older than him, nor do I know very much of anything.

I'm looking for a training partner in our area of studies since I excel greater when I have someone with the same interests to develop and train with. In my current circumstance, there aren't many candidates to train with whom have the time, dedication, or same field of study as we do. I have considered cross training with people of different fighting styles, but I'd like some input on this from anyone who's done this before, and whether or not it can hinder or improve skills.

 

[TKDHomeSchooler]

I say catch him in the middle of a tornado kick and send him to the floor. While he is down there explain your perdiciment to him and see how receptive he is.

 

[Galens]

I say catch him in the middle of a tornado kick and send him to the floor. While he is down there explain your perdiciment to him and see how receptive he is.

I have a feeling this may not be the best approach to the scenario. But thank you for your comment, I value it.

 

[TKDHomeSchooler]

I have a feeling this may not be the best approach to the scenario. But thank you for your comment, I value it.

Its either that or sit down with him over coffee or while stretching, some time you both are seated and tell him what you expect out of your training and that you hope the two of you can help each other progress.

If that doesn't do the trick go to the Senior Instructor and have the same conversation with him/her and tell them you don't think you can be an effective student with him as a training partner.

 

[Galens]

Its either that or sit down with him over coffee or while stretching, some time you both are seated and tell him what you expect out of your training and that you hope the two of you can help each other progress.

If that doesn't do the trick go to the Senior Instructor and have the same conversation with him/her and tell them you don't think you can be an effective student with him as a training partner.

Well this is outside of the Dojang, at the city gym. My hopes are to get him more serious or convince him to train at my level. It would be very convenient for myself and more than likely, become a great benefit to both of us. But StevenBBJ has a good point and it brings a new perspective for me to think about. It wouldn't be fair to try and change someone's training habits, whether they are bad or good. I'm just hoping that I can convince him to become my partner for convenience and mutual benefit.

 

[LuckyKBoxer]

sorry.. i am just too harsh sometimes.. I have no patience with some things so let me restate this...

do not try to get into a relationship(any relationship) with someone who has problems you cant live with and expect that they will change... you are setting both of you up for bad times and a bad breakup...... instead do your due diligence and find a partner that fits what you need.

 

[Tez3]

I say catch him in the middle of a tornado kick and send him to the floor. While he is down there explain your perdiciment to him and see how receptive he is.

Such a good idea in public of course. Galen is talking about the way the kid behaves out of martial arts class not in it. the kid is entitled to behave exactly how he wants to out of class, it's nothing to do with his fellow martial artists.
I wouldn't recommend doing this in class either, its called bullying.

Galen,this kid isn't there to be a suitable training partner for you outside class and to be criticised for being young when he is in fact young. Stevebjj is totally correct in saying what he does is nothing to do with you, he behaves himself as he should when in class, anything outside is nothing to do with you. Leave the kid alone. and have a good talk with your instructor instead.

 

[tshadowchaser]

simple answer:
If he insists on behaving badly in public restrict him from being able to go to the dojo/school every time . Explain that he is learning something that is NOT ment to be for showing off and if he wants to continue to show off he will not long get to practice and learn

 

[Tez3]

simple answer:
If he insists on behaving badly in public restrict him from being able to go to the dojo/school every time . Explain that he is learning something that is NOT ment to be for showing off and if he wants to continue to show off he will not long get to practice and learn

I don't think a fellow student can do that to another.

 

[tshadowchaser]

possibly not but he/she can sure as heck report the behavior to the instructor and/or parent who can do just that

 

[Tez3]

possibly not but he/she can sure as heck report the behavior to the instructor and/or parent who can do just that

I think though the problem is that you have one young person who disapproves of another young persons behaviour outside the dojo. It depends on what the complainant considers 'bad behaviour', the OP has already said that the student behaves in class. If he's just messing around with his mates there's no harm done but it sounds as if the OP thinks he should be training with him instead. I'm not sure at all that the person is actually behaving badly.
What concerns me is that the OP says that he wants this student to change so he can have a training partner, he says it's for his benefit not so much the student's and it would be convenient for him to have a training partner.
It may be as well that the OP left the student alone and concentrated more on his own training.