Has anyone else felt weird about hitting people

[autumn1973]

I just started training this past week and I find it hard to actually land any blows on people I don't know. I had no problem hitting my husband...want to do that most days anyway...but other people, I felt weird about it.

I keep making a fool out of myself saying "I'm sorry" every time I have to hit someone. I just wanted to know if others have felt this way when they first began. I am also having a problem following the sequences of some blocks and forms but that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

 

[mj-hi-yah]

Welcome to the forum! :wavey: Don't worry, it's perfectly normal to feel weird about hitting other people, especially for women I think. I used to also say I'm sorry. I don't anymore. Now I can't believe I am saying this, but LOL I l:inlove:ve hitting them, and don't mind them hitting me.

 

[michaeledward]

Amy, don't worry about it, and welcome.

When I started studying, approximately 5 years ago, I, too, didn't ever want to make contact with anyone. I was studying to learn the 'ballet' of motion. As my wife and I went through the lower ranks, we would occassionally make contact with each other (sometimes, she seemed to want to hit me, too --- imagine that).

As we progressed in our study, it became more apparent that contact needs to be made at times, if for no other reason than to have an appropriate response from the attacker.

As you progress, you will learn to make contact with control. You will hit hard enough to get a reaction, but not so hard that your training partner won't come back.

Let this progress take place at your comfort level. You do not need to strike hard now, if you are not comfortable with the idea. Go at your own pace.

Mike

 

[Simon Curran]

I just started training this past week and I find it hard to actually land any blows on people I don't know. I had no problem hitting my husband...want to do that most days anyway...but other people, I felt weird about it.

I keep making a fool out of myself saying "I'm sorry" every time I have to hit someone. I just wanted to know if others have felt this way when they first began. I am also having a problem following the sequences of some blocks and forms but that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

At the risk of sounding blunt, get over it.
We had a discussion here a little while ago about people who feel the same way as you do, and although it is a perfectly natural thing to not like hurting others, unfortunately the predators of the world don't feel that way, so if learning to over come your aversion to hurting another takes place in training, then you will certainly have no problem taking out some a-hole who causes a threat to you and yours.
My personal opinion at least.

Now that I have said that though, I do know how you feel, as a big guy I sometimes do my training partners a disservice by not being aggresive enough.

 

[Lisa]

Welcome Amy! :wavey:

As you get used to training, you will get used to hitting other people. It just takes time. The feeling is new and we all grew up being told that hitting others is wrong, so we have to work past that. The important thing is that you have started training, and I hope that it brings you many years of enjoyment.

 

[KenpoEMT]

I think that your hesitancy to land strikes is a delightful example of common courtesy.

Personally, I don't like training with people that I do not know. There is a measure of...(what's the word? ...intimacy maybe?...) ...trust that everyone must have in their training partner.

We have this trust for each other simply because we each are alive and contributing to this thing we call life. People don't do certain things to people that they don't know.

Whether or not it is ever put into words, this trust is ever present in the back of your mind. I think that you are hesitant to violate this trust. I am the same way. I tend to go very easy on people that I don't know, and I tend to enjoy a limited ferocity with people that I do know.

It isn't a matter of developing trust in our partners; it is a matter of letting our trust for each other assume a new form that allows contact :whip: . That, of course, takes time. If you were arguing with me, you would not hit me in order to emphasize your point because I am a stranger, and we don't do that to strangers. If you knew me very well, you would probably have no problem (depending upon the environment in which you were raised) smacking my arm to emphasize your words. I think that this analogy applies to the discomfort that you feel in the dojo/studio/dojang.

Give it time.

Welcome to the forum and good luck in your training!

 

[searcher]

As others have already stated, it will feel better in time. Most people are on the other side as they like to hit but not get hit. Just remember to breathe and relax. Don't think about what you are doing and enjoy yourself. A little tip I always tell new students is that they need to hit them and go hard, because if the other person gets a chance they will gladly hit them.

 

[Loki]

Hey,

I totally sympathize with you. I've been training for three years now, on my way to black belt, and I still feel awkward about hitting people sometimes. Especially older women ("You could be my mom, I can't hit you!"). I've grown out of the habit of apologizing because I've done nothing wrong, but I can't help but ask people if they're ok after landing a good blow.

The best piece of advice I can give you is that your partner knows what he/she got themselves into when coming to learn martial arts, and they can probably to get hit. It's all part of training. You'll get used to it.


...and welcome to Martial Talk ;-)

 

[still learning]

Hello, In the begining everyone does not want to hit there partners. As you advance in years it will get easier because you will realize it is helping both of you in your training.

Learning to make contact and feeling the impact of your strikes in the right places (not neccessary to hit very hard) will increase your tarketing and feeling the hit. Two- your partner will be learning what it is like to get hit and will learn to defend those areas alot more carefully ( learning they do not like getting hit there) and will protect those areas instinctly.

You will hear this often " most people fight like they train" ....observer this...Aloha

 

[MA-Caver]

My first MA training was with a street-wise black fella who (then) held a red belt in TKD. This was back in the early-mid-70's where racial tensions were still a bit ... tense Even with padded gloves and foot-wear I was still hesitant to go at him punching and kicking. Small wonder since a lot of fights during my early-late highschool years involved classmates of color (black, hispanic, what have ya). He and I were good friends but it was that "sticky" of past experiences.
Finally after one evening of teaching/semi-sparring he sat me down and said that he understood my hesitancy and told me that he doesn't "see color" and thus if I really wanted to learn I would have to start hitting (him).
After that I haven't had a problem. Learned how to pull punches/kicks with this guy and so I don't feel bad now about hitting someone as long as it's in training.

It's a mind set YOU have to put yourself into; understanding that everyone else in that dojo is there to learn how to hit and get hit. None of it is malicious in any shape or form. If it is then the instructor/sifu needs to know about it. Otherwise get over it because someday you might have to do it for real. I mean how's it going to look when you say: (PUNCH!) "ohh I'm sorry mr mugger I didn't mean that!" -- "aww shucks m'am that's ok... I guess I need to mug someone else... d'ya need a eskort home? no? well ok... g'nite!"

:asian:

 

[Aikikitty]

Yeah, I grew up being told to "never" hit anyone! After 18 years of being taught that and naturally being very gentle, it was very hard to re-program myself. Years later, I still sometimes struggle with it. The guys in my class have to keep fussing at me because they can't practice there techniques well if their uke (me) keeps coming at them with sissy strikes/punches or miss on purpose because I'm afraid they won't move in time. I'm still working on it.

On the flip side, when the guys in my class are attacking me, I'm not afraid because I know that they won't really hurt me--either they have enough control or I'll move enough so it won't really connect.

Robyn :asian:

 

[autumn1973]

Simon, I do not take offense at all. After all I did ask didn't I? I like your directness...heh heh.

Thanks for everybody's input, I really appreciate it. I just felt a little weird beating up on a little 15 year old guy even though he has been at it for years and could probably lay me flat on the floor with one blow.

 

[KenpoEMT]

...I just felt a little weird beating up on a little 15 year old guy even though he has been at it for years and could probably lay me flat on the floor with one blow.

He's 15; he probably did SOMETHING during the day to deserve a good hit. :lol:

...you know, balance out his karma for him :lol:

 

[MJS]

I just started training this past week and I find it hard to actually land any blows on people I don't know. I had no problem hitting my husband...want to do that most days anyway...but other people, I felt weird about it.

I keep making a fool out of myself saying "I'm sorry" every time I have to hit someone. I just wanted to know if others have felt this way when they first began. I am also having a problem following the sequences of some blocks and forms but that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

I think that every one of us has experienced this same thing at one point in our training. Like anything, over time, things will become much more natural. The Martial Arts are going to involve contact. Of course this is something that should gradually be built upon.

Keep training hard!!

Mike

 

[Dan Anderson]

I just started training this past week and I find it hard to actually land any blows on people I don't know. I had no problem hitting my husband...want to do that most days anyway...but other people, I felt weird about it.

I keep making a fool out of myself saying "I'm sorry" every time I have to hit someone. I just wanted to know if others have felt this way when they first began. I am also having a problem following the sequences of some blocks and forms but that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

Hi Amy,

Came onto this post late in the game. In the number of years I have been teaching (since 1969), I have found this to be more the case than not. It was fascinating to me becaude I had no trouble hitting anyone but the majority of students did have trouble with it. You are not weird. Keep training.

Yours,
Dan Anderson

 

[autumn1973]

Better late than never Dan. I appreciate all input all the time.

I was able work with, and therefore I got to kick the crap out of, my husband today (highly exaggerated, I can only wish most of the time) So I was okay but I gotta get used to whacking other people.

 

[Loki]

"You could be my mom, I can't hit you!"

Two more moms joined our class... two more people I feel bad about hitting...

 

[shesulsa]

I have this weird thing where I don't always feel how hard I hit and I wind up hurting someone when I think I tapped them - which is unusual for most women. I don't always do it, but it seems to happen at the worst times.

So because of this, I always feel weird about hitting people. It's one of my hurdles to overcome.

But as for you, I think you have to just do it a lot and get used to being hit, then it will become like old hat.

Welcome to MT, and good luck!

 

[Mc Qoorbs]

Yeah i feel you.I have the same problem using all my force in attempt to hit my training partners...its funny because the people i train with think i have no heart haha.But what if i really did hit them full force by accident?Ive done that before and really hurt somebody...

 

[bcbernam777]

Its normal, dont worry about it, eventually you will learn to emotionally detach yourself from the act of punching someone, a punch eventually will be like any other tool to get the job done. You just have to keep in mind that you are there to learn how to fight, and so are 99% percent of people in class, they should expect (hopefully) that they are going to get hit, and that they will be doing some of the hitting.

Good luck with your training