Evil Tai Chi Chuan. . .

AdrenalineJunky

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This has appeared in rec.martial-arts:
Highest Supreme No Can Defend Boxing

Greeting, fellow martial artist. Please allow me introducing myself.
I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
Allow me relate you this story young man who visit my kwoon. He come my kwoon wear Brazil jiujitsu t-shirt and he say his name Gichoke. He
asking me I teaching grappling technique. I say no, young Blowchunk, I
teaching taichi chuan. He getting mad and say my name Gichoke not
Blowchunk, then he disrespectful taichi chuan. He say taichi for old
man like me, then say his Brazil jiujitsu technique beat my technique.
I say young Fudgepoke, you make me laughing, MWAHAHAHA!!!!

So he again getting mad and say my name Gichoke not Fudgepoke and challenge me to fighting. I say you silly little high school boy, go back rolling around on floor with other boy. MWAHAHAHA!!!! My evil-style taichi
chuan is most best combat system, if proper technique no can defend!
Only practicing chi powers making TRUE MARTIAL ARTIST and you young
Sheeppoke are weak in ways of chi! But silly little boy insist so we
go into my training room. He ask where mat for floor because my kwoon
floor hard wood. I say no mat for evil-style taichi young Gijoke!
MWAHAHAHA!!!!

Now he getting afraid but he too stupid to leave. So I say you attacking me now, young Gispunk! And he try to shoot under my arms and taking me to floor, but I using internal strength technique
from evil-style taichi and bitchslapping Gichunk into wall!
MWAHAHAHA!!!! Many time he attacking and many time I bitchslapping
silly boy. But silly boy still attacking so I change to deadly dimmak
technique. Only using one finger striking and only touching Gichoad
now, but every time he attacking and every time he falling to floor
scream in pain and silly boy crying about hard wooden floor!
MWAHAHAHA!!!!

So now I using deadly pressure-point chinna grappling
technique and flipping silly boy into air and landing on hard floor. I
say now I demonstrating more weakness Brazil jiujitsu system. I say
now I demonstrating Chinese animal style kung fu, and my style is
dog-style kung fu. So I blow whistle and my attack dog Fang coming
into kwoon! Fang attacking young Gichimp and Fang biting silly boys
arms and face. I say Brazil jiujitsu not complete martial art, can no
defend against dog! MWAHAHAHA!!!! But stupid boy saying **** you, so
I kicking silly boy in head while he wrestling Fang. So I say see
young Gipoke Brazil jiujitsu technique no can defend multiple
attackers! MWAHAHAHA!!!!

After silly boy bleeding long time I tell
Fang go away. So I asking young Gipuke you believing in chi powers
now? He say no, so I say I now using ancient Chinese secret art of
feng-shui against him. Stupid boy asking what is feng-shui? So I say
feng-shui most ancient art of manipulate chi power
by rearrange furniture. Very powerful system, can no defend! So silly
boy laughing and say you will defeat me using interior decoration?
Then he disrespectful feng-shui so I demonstrating. I kicking coffee
table into silly boys knee, then I move chair behind silly boy, then
kicking Gijoke against chair. Silly boys head is flying into desk
corner and cracking head open. So I say see silly boy this furniture
position much worse for your chi! MWAHAHAHA!!!!

But STILL stupid boy
no give up, so now I using most deadly technique of no touching chi
power KONG JING!!!! So I saying you call your name Gichoke so now I
showing you CHI CHOKE! MWAHAHAHA!!!! So I standing across kwoon from
silly boy but I using kong jing power and choking stupid young Gispunk.
After silly boy waking up I asking now you believing chi powers?

Gichunk get down on hands and knees and begging forgiveness, asking
please me teaching him secrets of evil-style taichi. He finally
learning that Brazil jiujitsu technique no can defend against chi
powers!!! So I saying young Gipunk, you are weak in ways of chi but
you have demonstrating much willpower in our combat. So I teaching you
evil-style taichi!!! EMBRACE DARK SIDE OF CHI, AND WE CAN RULING WORLD
TOGETHER AS FATHER AND SON!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!

So Gispunk becoming Dr
Yang Sze first American student and giving up silly Brazil jiujitsu!
But I no am teaching Gichoad true secret of evil-style taichi! When
silly boy knocked out from hitting desk, I using ancient Chinese
secret. No Dr. Yang not using Calgon! MWAHAHAHA!!!! I using hypnosis
on silly boy so when I doing phoney kong jing technique silly boy
thinking he choking! Now I renaming Gichoke as new name Chijoke, and
he serving Dr. Yang as personal slave! MWAHAHAHA!!!! I teaching
Chijoke fen shou technique, making silly boy to cleaning my toilet with
bare hands! MWAHAHAHA!!!!

And in return I teaching Chijoke phoney
taichi techniques I learn from David Carradine
video tapes and exercise I saying is chi kung really from Richard
Simmons "Sweating To The Oldies" videos! MWAHAHAHA!!!! And Chijoke
paying $200 dollar every month for phoney taichi, and if silly boy
asking about technique not effective I say take twenty year to master.
And if young Chijoke doubt power then he remembering back to him
choking with kong jing power!!! Silly boy mind very weak easy to
manipulate! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
So you maybe asking why I doing terrible mean things to young Chijoke?
Because I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!!
MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
satam.gif

http://www.mindgazer.org/qigong/qijoke.htm

Well, at least I thought it was funny. . .but I have really, really, reeeeeally bad taste. ;)
 

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