anyway to word this better

[TallAdam85]

Aug 22nd I am having 10 or so kids testing for novice belts anyways for the people who buy there sparring gear in Aug they get a free testing. I normally charge 20 for each belt. Now that fee is waived if you get gear the sparring gear set is 99.99 you get headgear feet gear and hand gear plus a mouthpiece. I am sending letter home to the parents with the Aug newsletter but as you can tell I am not good at wording things out. Now we are school witch does a lot of point sparring and the sooner they get the gear the sooner they start sparring anyways I can put this so parents don’t think I am all about the money and the benefits of getting there own gear.

 

[terryl965]

Explain the benefits of having there gear and how it will help in there training, also remind them that there is going to be cost up front so they are aware od it. We have a intro letter explaining what is going to be needed as they go though there journey and if they want to compete what they will in detail. It has worked for us so far.

 

[jks9199]

How about something like this:

Our school is providing a special incentive to purchase sparring gear. If you purchase the full sparring set of hands, feet, headgear, and mouthpiece, at $99.99 (separately, it would cost...), we'll waive the next testing fee (a $20 value!). This package guarantees that your child will have all the required gear for class.It's important for each child to have their own sparring gear to ensure that they'll be able to participate in all class activities, and to ensure that they have equipment that fits properly.

 

[TallAdam85]

Explain the benefits of having there gear and how it will help in there training, also remind them that there is going to be cost up front so they are aware od it. We have a intro letter explaining what is going to be needed as they go though there journey and if they want to compete what they will in detail. It has worked for us so far.

can u email me the intro letter i was thinking of making something like that but i am not very good with grammer.

also jks9199 thanks o

 

[terryl965]

can u email me the intro letter i was thinking of making something like that but i am not very good with grammer.

also jks9199 thanks o

Yes it will be on monday since it is on the computer at the school.

 

[TallAdam85]

thanks terry sir, i hope u enjoy the watch and thanks for all the help.

email it to [email protected]

 

[MBuzzy]

Adam,

Also, if you would like to post it here, I (as well as many others, I'm sure) would be happy to check for grammar and spelling. Those are very important points when communicating with parents on a professional level. Especially if you are dealing with well educated parents. The difference between "which" and "witch" can make a world of difference in how they view you.

 

[terryl965]

Adam,

Also, if you would like to post it here, I (as well as many others, I'm sure) would be happy to check for grammar and spelling. Those are very important points when communicating with parents on a professional level. Especially if you are dealing with well educated parents. The difference between "which" and "witch" can make a world of difference in how they view you.

Yea we all know my grammer sucks, so go a head and post it, even though Yolanda dod proof it.

 

[MBuzzy]

I always have as many people as possible read anything that is going public like this. Everyone is susceptible to mistakes - and the more eyes to check it out, the higher the likelihood that they will be caught.

 

[TallAdam85]

hows this sound

Our school is providing a special incentive to purchase sparring gear. If you purchase the full sparring set of hands, feet, headgear, and mouthpiece, at $99.99 (separately, it would cost$125.00), we'll waive the next testing fee for the upcoming test Aug 22nd 2008 (a $20 value!). This package guarantees that your child will have all the required gear for class as well as tournaments. It's important for each child to have their own sparring gear to ensure that they'll be able to participate in all class activities, and to ensure that they have equipment that fits properly for there own saftey.

 

[TallAdam85]

terryl965 can u please email me that intro letter?

 

[MBuzzy]

hows this sound

Our school is providing a special incentive to purchase sparring gear. If you purchase the full set of hand guards, feet guards, headgear, and mouthpiece, at $99.99 (normal retail value $125.00), you will receive a free testing on Aug 22nd 2008 (a $20 value!). This package guarantees that your child will have all the required gear for class as well as tournaments. It's important for each child to have their own sparring gear to ensure that they'll be able to participate in all class activities and to ensure that they have equipment that fits properly for there own saftey.

Here's my crack at it. Not bad at all though.

 

[sadantkd]

I hope you'll take this as advice, and not criticism. I hope you and everybody else on here is using a program with a good spelling and grammar check built in. Spelling words wrong and typo's are one thing in a chat forum with other martial artists, but when we're sending things home to parents, it really needs to be spot on. Again, I'm not trying to criticize anybody, because Lord knows I make a lot of mistakes when I'm typing.

 

[Tez3]

I hope you'll take this as advice, and not criticism. I hope you and everybody else on here is using a program with a good spelling and grammar check built in. Spelling words wrong and typo's are one thing in a chat forum with other martial artists, but when we're sending things home to parents, it really needs to be spot on. Again, I'm not trying to criticize anybody, because Lord knows I make a lot of mistakes when I'm typing.

I can correct all your spellings to English rofl! :ultracool
ie programme and self defence classes lol!

TallAdam, you won't go wrong with the chaps here, they're first class!

 

[Stac3y]

Um...perhaps you have some special kind of sparring gear your students must have, but if it's standard point sparring stuff, $99.99 is pretty high. Your students would come out better shopping here: http://www.karatedepot.com/sparring-gear-sets.html (or at one of the many online stores with similar prices) and just paying the $20 for the belt test. You might want to include something about why your set of gear is better or different.