Your "partner"

[Zero]

So something that happened a couple weeks back got me thinking a bit. It is obvious, but there are times (and this would generally apply to the blokes rather than the other way around) when a guy can be placed in an awkward, sometimes potentially violent, situation by the actions of his girl.

I had been an idiot and being in a rush in a busy and packed street had parked my car unknowingly over the exit of a dude’s driveway. Don’t know how it happened but there you go. When I got back to the car, the home owner was quite steamed as he needed to drive out and head off. He was a bit worked up (rightfully so) as this thing obviously happened quite a bit. I apologised as was clearly my fault and things cooled down. Then his bird comes up on the other side of my car and bangs her hands on my car’s roof and starts kicking off and asking what I was going to do about parking in their drive. Not making any judgment as to whether the guy could fight or whatever but for context the dude was almost half my size (just saying as I don’t really go out to look for trouble with blokes who are double my size).

Now, I got a bit of steam under the collar as I don’t like people hitting my car’s roof or anything of the sort and I told her to get her hands off my car and that I was sorry for the mishap, I was keeping an eye on the dude, but he did not seek to escalate or present a threat. I got in my car and drove off.

That situation did get me thinking though that a bloke can, if his bird is a bit of a hot head, find himself in a troublesome scene if his missus runs her mouth off or seeks to throw fuel on a fire. I, like you all I am sure, used to see this from time to time when I was out at the clubs or bars.

I think the above scenario resonated with me as when I was younger I dated a chick who was, actually, an intelligent girl and reasonably proficient at karate – but she, for who knows what, was a bit of a hot head and could get worked up over things when on the town. I had to sit down with her and tell her to ease up and to leave it to me to decide if I wanted to get into a dumb fight over nothing and not to orchestrate problems.

For those of you, and this applies equally to men and women, with partners that do not train in SD or MA or whatever training you do (or even if they are also into MA), do you take the time to discuss with your partners concepts of SD, avoidance/situational awareness, etc?

Do you have discussions about the safety of letting strangers/”door knockers”/unsolicited tradesmen into the house or the back yard?

Do you have keywords/passwords to indicate trouble?

 

[wingchun100]

So something that happened a couple weeks back got me thinking a bit. It is obvious, but there are times (and this would generally apply to the blokes rather than the other way around) when a guy can be placed in an awkward, sometimes potentially violent, situation by the actions of his girl.

I had been an idiot and being in a rush in a busy and packed street had parked my car unknowingly over the exit of a dude’s driveway. Don’t know how it happened but there you go. When I got back to the car, the home owner was quite steamed as he needed to drive out and head off. He was a bit worked up (rightfully so) as this thing obviously happened quite a bit. I apologised as was clearly my fault and things cooled down. Then his bird comes up on the other side of my car and bangs her hands on my car’s roof and starts kicking off and asking what I was going to do about parking in their drive. Not making any judgment as to whether the guy could fight or whatever but for context the dude was almost half my size (just saying as I don’t really go out to look for trouble with blokes who are double my size).

Now, I got a bit of steam under the collar as I don’t like people hitting my car’s roof or anything of the sort and I told her to get her hands off my car and that I was sorry for the mishap, I was keeping an eye on the dude, but he did not seek to escalate or present a threat. I got in my car and drove off.

That situation did get me thinking though that a bloke can, if his bird is a bit of a hot head, find himself in a troublesome scene if his missus runs her mouth off or seeks to throw fuel on a fire. I, like you all I am sure, used to see this from time to time when I was out at the clubs or bars.

I think the above scenario resonated with me as when I was younger I dated a chick who was, actually, an intelligent girl and reasonably proficient at karate – but she, for who knows what, was a bit of a hot head and could get worked up over things when on the town. I had to sit down with her and tell her to ease up and to leave it to me to decide if I wanted to get into a dumb fight over nothing and not to orchestrate problems.

For those of you, and this applies equally to men and women, with partners that do not train in SD or MA or whatever training you do (or even if they are also into MA), do you take the time to discuss with your partners concepts of SD, avoidance/situational awareness, etc?

Do you have discussions about the safety of letting strangers/”door knockers”/unsolicited tradesmen into the house or the back yard?

Do you have keywords/passwords to indicate trouble?

Ah yes, I remember being out with a bunch of my friends and their girlfriends. We were at a concert. When we left, a bunch of alpha males were being their typical loud mouth selves. Somehow their attention got drawn toward us, and they said something (can't remember what).

One of my friend's ladies says, "Oh yeah? Well my boyfriend takes tae kwon do. He's a black belt and he will kick your ***!"

Surprisingly it didn't escalate to violence, but it could have. The sad thing? I would have been drawn into it too, even though I was a bachelor at the time and didn't have anyone running their mouth on MY behalf! LOL

 

[Transk53]

Sadly never had a bird that was a MA, but the above posts bring back some pretty bad memories with me. Used to work the clubs and oh yeah, some of the girls can cause an awful amount of trouble. Thankfully most of the blokes do disappear and usher the girl(friend) away, but some do not have much luck. Of course both sexes do and cause an equal amount of trouble, but generally a bloke will try and use a Haymaker, the girl has the Stiletto, plus kick - scratch - bite etc

 

[tshadowchaser]

When I was younger it was me who had the big mouth. I could get verbal without much provocation and my wife would have to calm me down. Today it's the other way around. My wife is more apt to tell someone off or where to go than me.
We both watch out for the other and try to keep each other from getting in to much trouble with our words.
As far as letting people in the house both of us realized from the start that strangers did not get in and if there was any question about them or a bad feeling the door did not get opened. As for the yard (front or back) in the early days we had DOGS that took care of the problem. maybe thats why not many people got to the door.
Our place always had and has a weapon of some kind within reach of where we are in the house

 

[Xue Sheng]

in all honesty, my wife does not train SD and never has, but they should be more afraid of her than me. But to answer your questions

do you take the time to discuss with your partners concepts of SD, avoidance/situational awareness, etc?

Yes, but...she is pretty good at that all by herself

Do you have discussions about the safety of letting strangers/”door knockers”/unsolicited tradesmen into the house or the back yard?

Yup, but she already was aware of this

Do you have keywords/passwords to indicate trouble?

Nope, we are both pretty good at picking up on that but then we have been together over 10 years

 

[colemcm]

Is something like this what you had in mind?

The flip side of this is having your antagonistic girl start a fight with you, then having some guy think that that's his queue to try and score points with your girl by starting **** with you.

 

[Carol]

I've had discussions like this with friends. I can feel easily overwhelmed in social situations. I have some friends that are good folks, but sometimes get a bit rambunctious. I've explained to them that if I make an early departure from a gathering, its nothing personal. I enjoy seeing my friends have a good time together, but if the setting gets too much for me, then I need to go be an introvert for awhile. They get it

When I'm starting to get to know someone, that's more of a challenge, but generally I make it work for me. I do not keep the company of fussy people. I keep where I live as "secret" as possible. If I do reveal my address to someone, I always request that they call or text me when they are on their way as I do not answer the doorbell unless I know for sure someone is stopping by shortly.

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

I've seen things escalate either way when a gentleman spouts of his mouth or his girlfriend does. Makes you shake your head some times.....

On another note my wife knows never to grab, cover, cling to my arms if some thing looks potentially dangerous. Just give me some space and I will do my best to get her out of there without any trouble. Fortunately though, we are older so nights on the town are very few.

 

[MJS]

So something that happened a couple weeks back got me thinking a bit. It is obvious, but there are times (and this would generally apply to the blokes rather than the other way around) when a guy can be placed in an awkward, sometimes potentially violent, situation by the actions of his girl.

I had been an idiot and being in a rush in a busy and packed street had parked my car unknowingly over the exit of a dude’s driveway. Don’t know how it happened but there you go. When I got back to the car, the home owner was quite steamed as he needed to drive out and head off. He was a bit worked up (rightfully so) as this thing obviously happened quite a bit. I apologised as was clearly my fault and things cooled down. Then his bird comes up on the other side of my car and bangs her hands on my car’s roof and starts kicking off and asking what I was going to do about parking in their drive. Not making any judgment as to whether the guy could fight or whatever but for context the dude was almost half my size (just saying as I don’t really go out to look for trouble with blokes who are double my size).

Now, I got a bit of steam under the collar as I don’t like people hitting my car’s roof or anything of the sort and I told her to get her hands off my car and that I was sorry for the mishap, I was keeping an eye on the dude, but he did not seek to escalate or present a threat. I got in my car and drove off.

That situation did get me thinking though that a bloke can, if his bird is a bit of a hot head, find himself in a troublesome scene if his missus runs her mouth off or seeks to throw fuel on a fire. I, like you all I am sure, used to see this from time to time when I was out at the clubs or bars.

I think the above scenario resonated with me as when I was younger I dated a chick who was, actually, an intelligent girl and reasonably proficient at karate – but she, for who knows what, was a bit of a hot head and could get worked up over things when on the town. I had to sit down with her and tell her to ease up and to leave it to me to decide if I wanted to get into a dumb fight over nothing and not to orchestrate problems.

For those of you, and this applies equally to men and women, with partners that do not train in SD or MA or whatever training you do (or even if they are also into MA), do you take the time to discuss with your partners concepts of SD, avoidance/situational awareness, etc?

Do you have discussions about the safety of letting strangers/”door knockers”/unsolicited tradesmen into the house or the back yard?

Do you have keywords/passwords to indicate trouble?

Believe it or not, my wife is actually the cooler head in certain situations. Now, I'm not saying that I'm some hot head that flies off the handle every 30sec, but when certain things pop up, and I start to get heated, I can always count on her to bring me back to reality, so to speak..lol. Of course, she can and has, gotten fired up herself, but in a situation like you describe above, no, she would not involve herself in that.

In the situation you describe above...I probably would've apologized and left the area. No doubt I'd have gotten pretty pissed off, if this crazy ***** started assaulting my vehicle. Providing there was no damage, no need to call the cops, but nonetheless, I would have told her to stop hitting my vehicle. Of course, we'd all like to hope that the guy would control his crazy girl.

As for strangers, opening the door, etc. We don't let anyone into our home unless they're invited in. The doors are locked and if we're not expecting anyone, we look to see who's standing at our door. We also have a dog, who is very attentive to things, especially when we're at the door. He'll either sit at the end of the hall, watching us or he joins us at the door. He's a Shepherd/Husky mix. He's friendly, but protective as well. I've had more than one person tell me how scary and/or intimidating he looks, because of his eyes. I've had people tell me he looks like a wolf. LOL! Hey, if that's all it takes to make people take a step back, I'm not complaining. He's our furry son. LOL! No keywords or anything like that. Probably not a bad idea though. We take steps to make sure we're safe when we're out together.

 

[Zero]

On another note my wife knows never to grab, cover, cling to my arms if some thing looks potentially dangerous. Just give me some space and I will do my best to get her out of there without any trouble. Fortunately though, we are older so nights on the town are very few.

This is a good and important point, and I also have this understanding with my wife about being able to keep my hands free and not being restricted. I had to explain this to a male mate when we were out clubbing ages back, this guy was really trying to wind me up and my buddy (not having any clue about fighting or confrontations) did the "stupid grab round the waist thing" to hold me back (not that I was at the stage of initiating); I am glad nothing in that split moment occured.

You can be put at a real disadvantage if your partner or mate(s) seek to grab or pull you back; while they may be trying to help out or avoid trouble they can end up getting you off balance, sucker punched or they in turn getting pulled off balance and into the fray.

 

[Zero]

Is something like this what you had in mind?

The flip side of this is having your antagonistic girl start a fight with you, then having some guy think that that's his queue to try and score points with your girl by starting **** with you.

Yes, that certainly exists too and really sucks! No offense, but that is a "last date" indicator in itself.

 

[Zero]

No keywords or anything like that. Probably not a bad idea though. We take steps to make sure we're safe when we're out together.

Look, maybe we are just that level more paranoid, I don't think I'm too "para" though! We hit upon key (but not apparent) words and phrases to provide (or at least attempt to provide) a heads up/warning in the however very unlikely situation that someone unwanted/armed etc has managed to get into the house or a meeting point; ie armed dude waiting behind door inside with partner "hostage" and you phoning home or coming up the front steps etc; I often knock rather than just let myself in (I'm lazy in that respect ).

They are also there to indicate trouble brewing in an environment where for whatever reason the other party has not picked up on this, like a "hey, might be time to leave/I want to leave", when saying that outright may not feel like an option.

I think I would give pause before coming into your house with some "furry son" waiting in the background also : )

 

[MJS]

Look, maybe we are just that level more paranoid, I don't think I'm too "para" though! We hit upon key (but not apparent) words and phrases to provide (or at least attempt to provide) a heads up/warning in the however very unlikely situation that someone unwanted/armed etc has managed to get into the house or a meeting point; ie armed dude waiting behind door inside with partner "hostage" and you phoning home or coming up the front steps etc; I often knock rather than just let myself in (I'm lazy in that respect ).

They are also there to indicate trouble brewing in an environment where for whatever reason the other party has not picked up on this, like a "hey, might be time to leave/I want to leave", when saying that outright may not feel like an option.

Nothing wrong with that at all, IMHO. Like I said, it's not something my wife and I have really talked about or have done in the past, but it probably isn't a bad idea.

I think I would give pause before coming into your house with some "furry son" waiting in the background also : )

LOL! One Summer night, a few years ago, she was walking the dog. I wasn't there that night. Anyways, we live in a condo. Towards the top of the complex, there's a wooded area. There are homes on the other side of the woods. Anyways, they're walking past, and the dog comes to a stop and is looking off into the woods. Out walks this teenage kid, holding something that was apparently making a clicking or popping noise. There was still some distance between the kid and my wife, but nonetheless, the dog moved from her side and was basically putting himself between her and the kid. The kid never approached my wife and was walking in the other direction. However, he looked in his direction until the kid was out of sight. Was the kid up to no good? Don't know. Probably just taking a short cut. But apparently something was off about him.

 

[Zero]

LOL! One Summer night, a few years ago, she was walking the dog. I wasn't there that night. Anyways, we live in a condo. Towards the top of the complex, there's a wooded area. There are homes on the other side of the woods. Anyways, they're walking past, and the dog comes to a stop and is looking off into the woods. Out walks this teenage kid, holding something that was apparently making a clicking or popping noise. There was still some distance between the kid and my wife, but nonetheless, the dog moved from her side and was basically putting himself between her and the kid. The kid never approached my wife and was walking in the other direction. However, he looked in his direction until the kid was out of sight. Was the kid up to no good? Don't know. Probably just taking a short cut. But apparently something was off about him.

Yeah, dogs can be awesome beasts and friends to have about. They often have the kind of senses, including picking up on "vibes" we humans should have (or indeed we humans do have - but they are covered up in social programming and distractions/clutter we submerge ourselves in consciously and subconsciously).
Here's a funny dog story (to me at least): I flatted with a mate for some time and he had a cross between a rodesian ridge back and a mastiff, basically a rodesian but with a set of bear jaws on her : ) a lovely dog though. We were having some friends from France stay with us a few days on their travels. And they turned up at the house and went round to the back door while we were out at work. We got back at night to find the poor Frenchies, a guy and two girls, stuck in the back porch with the dog sitting facing them. Apparently she'd barked and yawned a bit when finding them and every time they made a move to get off the porch. They'd been "imprisoned" there for a few hours by the time we got back. Luckily they could laugh at the situation (we and the dog certainly did).