You Might Be a Redneck Pagan If....
If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb...
If you chose your High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night...
If your anointing oil smells like "Old Spice"...
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg...
If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube top,
Or if you think a "family tradition" is a dating club...
If you've reached the 3rd degree but not the 3rd grade,
If your ceremonial chalice says "Budweiser" on it...
If your circle dance includes the words "dosey-do",
If you have EVER worked love magick on livestock... ...AND FAILED....
If your children and your dog have the same magical name (Skeeter! Get on over here and cast this circle!)...
If your cakes and ale consist of moonpies and a cold "Bud"...
If your coven sword says "Power Rangers" on it...
If your divination kit consists of a picture of Dionne Warwick and a 1-900 number...
If you need to get the High Priestess to enact the Great Rite and you call out, "HEY, SIS!!!!"
If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu.
If your Great Rite partner is your first cousin, your mother, and your sister -- and it's all the same one person.
If "Casting a Circle" means taking an old tire and throwing it across the yard.
If your Goddess picture looks suspiciously like Miss September.
If your God statue is wearing a sequined jumpsuit and has a pompadour hairstyle.
If your Craft name is Bubba.
If your truck has an athame rack.
If you have a 12-gauge athame.
If your covenstead is up on blocks.
If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb...
If you chose your High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night...
If your anointing oil smells like "Old Spice"...
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg...
If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube top,
Or if you think a "family tradition" is a dating club...
If you've reached the 3rd degree but not the 3rd grade,
If your ceremonial chalice says "Budweiser" on it...
If your circle dance includes the words "dosey-do",
If you have EVER worked love magick on livestock... ...AND FAILED....
If your children and your dog have the same magical name (Skeeter! Get on over here and cast this circle!)...
If your cakes and ale consist of moonpies and a cold "Bud"...
If your coven sword says "Power Rangers" on it...
If your divination kit consists of a picture of Dionne Warwick and a 1-900 number...
If you need to get the High Priestess to enact the Great Rite and you call out, "HEY, SIS!!!!"
If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu.
If your Great Rite partner is your first cousin, your mother, and your sister -- and it's all the same one person.
If "Casting a Circle" means taking an old tire and throwing it across the yard.
If your Goddess picture looks suspiciously like Miss September.
If your God statue is wearing a sequined jumpsuit and has a pompadour hairstyle.
If your Craft name is Bubba.
If your truck has an athame rack.
If you have a 12-gauge athame.
If your covenstead is up on blocks.
