1. Golden Crane

    Golden Crane Green Belt

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    If the name isn't familiar, she is the young University of Virginia lacrosse player that was killed earlier this week by her former UVa lacrosse playing boyfriend. She was found face down in her bed with an eye swollen shut and in a pool of her own blood.

    A bad breakup and threats preceded her death. Both of them were a few weeks away from graduation and NCAA championships...

    Unfortunately, we see stories like this all the time, but this one really rocked me. All those stats about most women being attacked/hurt/killed by someone they know were proven true in this case, it seems...

    A few months ago it was two high school girls who left for school one day and returned. Turns out both were sexually assaulted and murdered probably by the same crazy-*** felon who had already been convicted of sexual assault/rape before. WTH?!?

    Is teaching self-defense and awareness enough? What else can we/should we - as women, as martial artists/instructors, as humans - be doing?
     
  2. seasoned

    seasoned MT Senior Moderator Staff Member

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    Morality is on a down spiral, which affects all aspects of human life. Garbage in garbage out, and tv and a lot of the current movies don't help. One reason is, we as a people have lost respect for one another. There is a lot that parents can, and should be, teaching their kids, and they are not doing it. Husbands should always shows respect to their wives, and dad's need to teach sons that women are not objects to satisfy their needs. The above should be a good start in turning things around.
     
  3. David43515

    David43515 Master Black Belt

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    I always heard that one of the best things a man can do for his kids and to teach them how they should treat people around them is to really love thier mother and show her the care and respect she deserves.
     
  4. Sukerkin

    Sukerkin Have the courage to speak softly

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    Absolutely, gentlemen. I stand with you, shoulder to shoulder on this. Men and women should be partners, fulfiling different roles as their individual personalities and strengths dictate.

    The sexual objectification of women has escalated apace in the 'information age' and has been matched by a de-masculation of men. What I mean by that is that men, it seems, along with the erosion of their (supposed) dominant power have also lost those things that make them men as opposed to merely 'male'.

    I know that it may be that the time of such values has gone now but I was brought up that the main things that were expected of me were self-sufficiency, courtesy, compassion, self-sacrifice and strength under adversity. Each of those values has a multitude of facets - and any one of those facets, properly inculcated, can lead to a man not being capable of what prompted the OP above.
     
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  5. David43515

    David43515 Master Black Belt

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    Seasoned and Sukerkin, you`ve said most of what I was thinking, much more eloquently than I ever could have. The onlty thing that I could hope to add is that while we have a resposability to teach these things to our sons, we also have been lax in teaching our daughters. Despite all the advances women have made socially as far as equal rights, I would say there has been a cost to them as well. Nowadays, much more than I remember in the past, I see young women are buying into the idea that the best judge of thier personal worth is in how attractive they are. We make all the right noises about inner beauty and self respect, but most of the shows on TV have the female charaters there solely for thier looks.

    It seems like so many of the young women I meet these days don`t expect to be treated with respect and don`t seem to realize that they desreve it. I think it has to be a natural result of the great loss of manners, and respect that we`ve had. If you only see people noticing you for your looks, that`s all that`s going to matter in your image of yourself.

    Does that make any sense? Or am I running off at the mouth?
     
  6. Golden Crane

    Golden Crane Green Belt

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    Makes perfect sense, David. I totally hear you.

    I'm sure that the incidents of DV against women and stranger abduction/murders aren't actually on the rise, just seems as if. And yes, educating our young people about self-esteem and respect (well before middle school, IMHO) is important, but perhaps there's more to it. We need to be educating young women about how to get the heck out of Dodge if/when "situations" occur...

    I remember being about 8 or so, watching a prime-time movie of the week with my mom. I can't remember what the heck the show was about, but there was some sort of implied violence against one of the women in it. My mom put down her sewing, turned to me and said "Look - never let any man put his hands on you to hurt you. If it happens, you pick up a lamp, a chair, a butter knife, a book or whatever and you make it known that such behavior will not ever be tolerated. Then you pack your bags and get out." Then she picked up her sewing and continued with what she was doing. And the day my idiot (and now ex-) husband put his hands around my throat, I packed my bags and left.

    But know that DV doesn't begin with a fatal beating. It usually starts small then escalates. We have to be educating our girls that if he treats you like crap today, chances are that tomorrow won't be any better.

    We also need to teach them how to trust their gut and understand that when something just doesn't feel right about a "stranger" situation, it probably isn't. We kind of condition each other to ignore that "bad feeling" and be nice to the evil meanie trying to do us harm. That mentality can get us killed.

    I say common-sense self-defense and awareness - for girls AND boys -should be mandatory by grade 6 at the latest. Just my two cents, though...
     
  7. KELLYG

    KELLYG 2nd Black Belt

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    I think that mass media, what ever type, has one set type of "woman" and one set type of "man". that is projected over and over again. For women it is young, stick thin, with absolutely no flawless. For men it is Men they have to be tall, broad shouldered, cut with muscles, washboard abs. etc.
    There is no room in the media for "normal" sized shaped, looking people. If this image is what you see over and over and over again it becomes what is "normal" anyone outside of that is considered "abnormal". This leads especially young women to have self esteem issues, especially when you fall outside the parameters of what is "normal".

    This coupled with the ever increasing volume of shows dealing with violence, and assault on women, reality tv where people will do anything I mean anything for money. Then there is the INTERNET where you can see people doing anything that you can image good or bad. I don' understand why we are not more screwed up that we are now.
     
  8. Golden Crane

    Golden Crane Green Belt

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    In the grocery store today, I saw an issue of People magazine with Yeardley on the cover. The article gave some unbelievable stats - including one that mentioned that women 16 to 24 have the highest incidences of DV than any other age group - and it is three freaking times higher than the next closest age group! I swear, my knees almost buckled right there in the express checkout lane.

    Houston, we have a problem...
     

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