Uncomfortable

Discussion in 'Women of the Martial Arts (Women Martial Artists)' started by Lilian, Feb 23, 2018.

  1. AngryHobbit

    AngryHobbit Master of Arts

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    If it's any consolation - it's not all your fault. In the process of evolution, men became hard-wired not to notice easily anything smaller than a wildebeest. Just ask @gpseymour - he knows all about this. So, if a subtle clue is smaller than a wildebeest, you won't notice it and you can't help it. That said... I am pretty sure your dining room is bigger than a wildebeest. ;)
     
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  2. CB Jones

    CB Jones Senior Master

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    I just tell my wife that when I pull into the driveway my brain goes off the clock. ;)

    And in regards to the Thread....

    Whether the guy is a creep, socially awkward, clueless, or harmless if she is uncomfortable with their interaction then their is nothing wrong with going to the instructor and making sure there are clear boundaries he shouldn’t cross and clearing up any misconceptions.
     
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  3. jks9199

    jks9199 Administrator Staff Member

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    But the changes aren't... until you try to sit down in the chair that was moved.

    Related to the idea of offering rides, missing social clues... On Marc Macyoung's Facebook page, the topic of Unsolicited Promises came up recently. (A promise made out of the blue, often to solve a problem that wasn't self-evident... like most political promises.) One person described a similar situation; they'd been outside a bar, sobering up enough to drive home. Noticed a couple that were waiting for a cab for over an hour, in the freezing weather. Having sobered up, they took pity on the couple, and offered them a ride, saying "If I promise I'm not an axe murderer, can I give you ride?" In retrospect, they realized how creepy that sounded. Here's the difference I pointed out -- they recognized a real, apparent problem, and offered them a human solution, with no strings attached. In a similar vein -- why do I think I never crossed the line? I took no for an answer, and (after a couple tries) finally asked if she was always going to be busy. In other words, I (eventually) took a hint... :D Creeps don't take the hint, the look for a way around it. Like I said before -- they never openly cross the line, but they're constantly blurring it, and each time, the line gets moved a bit further.
     
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  4. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Grandmaster

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    If I could go back in time. The older me would straighten out the younger me, and the older me would hide the $500 that I blew trying get the attention of a specific lady. All the things I could have done with that money other than waste it.

    Sometimes it takes a hard lesson to learn. Better to learn it while young though.
     
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  5. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    Like they say in BJJ you win or you learn. The money wasn't wasted, you gained experience.
    A well known footballer here George Best, one of the first playboy sportsmen who made a huge amount of money said “I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted”
     
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  6. JR 137

    JR 137 Senior Master

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    I’m not defending the creepers here, so bear with me...

    Regardless of our age and circumstances, we never completely figure out women’s cues. I’ve been with my wife for going on 16 years. We’ve been living together for about 14 years, our next anniversary will be our 12th, we have 7 and 5 year old daughters, and on and on.

    How the hell is it that I STILL can’t figure out what she’s upset about most of the time without asking her a few times? And to her - why the hell can’t you just tell me exactly what’s on your mind? What’s up with the figure it out nonsense? If I haven’t figured it out after all these years, odds are pretty strong that I’m never going to. And the funniest part of it all - my wife is far more up-front and direct than 90% of the women I know.
     
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  7. gpseymour

    gpseymour Sr. Grandmaster

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    Okay, that gave me the biggest laugh I've had today. @Steve, see? I do enjoy a good pratfall - as long as it's only in my mind!
     
  8. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    What makes you think it isn't confusing for females? What if she doesn't know yet whether you are a friend or a potential mate? What if it's you who is giving mixed signals she can't decipher so she can't tell what you want?
    So many seem to think that women know exactly what a bloke is like and can make their mind up what they want from him immediately, but it's simply not true. It's a process of you both finding out and exploring each other's personality, seeing what you have in common and what you disagree with and can be lived with or comprised over. She may thinks she likes you enough to go to bed with but then finds out you keep your socks on all the time and that's a turn off. She might find out your political views are ones she can't live with, something that isn't immediately obvious unless you start discussing politics the minute you meet. She may think you could be a lover/mate at first but then realise you aren't but she still likes you just not that way. Equally you could think all that about her.
    When you meet someone it's a voyage of discovery for both of you. she's as nervous, scared perhaps, worried about it all as you are. Take that into consideration.
     
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  9. oftheherd1

    oftheherd1 Senior Master

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    I have to agree as it's what my wife tells me all the time. :oops:
     
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  10. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    You always get the last word though..... as long as it's 'yes dear'. ;)
     
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  11. oftheherd1

    oftheherd1 Senior Master

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    One of the most important lessons I learned. :( :D

    Actually I run things on a strict schedule at our house; washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner ... :)
     
  12. AngryHobbit

    AngryHobbit Master of Arts

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    I have the advantage of having been influenced primarily by men during my teenage years. So, most of the time, I interact like a guy. I want to fix everything. I troubleshoot instead of listening. And when I am cross - I actually say "I am SO ticked off right now!" Do you suppose I should offer a class to women? :)
     
  13. Dirty Dog

    Dirty Dog MT Senior Moderator Staff Member

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    YES!
     
  14. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Grandmaster

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    I never said that it wasn't confusing for women. Being a male, I was only talking about it from the male's point of view. I can't feel what other women feel or know what goes through their mind. In this context.

    Feel free to share what it's like for women.
     
  15. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Grandmaster

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    YOU ARE AWESOME.
     
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  16. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    Well, actually quite normal for most women I know. There's nothing amazing about it, sorry AngryHobbit, but it's rather insulting that you think you can teach women how to be more like men because we aren't enough as ourselves. It's International Women's Day today ( yes, there is a man's one later in the year) and you are contributing to the myth that women are fickle, won't say what they mean and mess men around.

    If a woman isn't telling you something straight away ask yourself why, perhaps the way you react to things has taught her that really she shouldn't tell you anything in plain language.
     
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  17. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Grandmaster

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    I haven't come across many women like this. I don't see solving a problem as a Woman or Man thing. For me it's just makes sense. If your water pipe is leaking water, then fix it. If you don't then all you'll end up doing is complaining and being upset that your water pipe is leaking water.
     
  18. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Grandmaster

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    Wow I tell a woman that she's Awesome and I get a DISAGREE.
     
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  19. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Grandmaster

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    My wife likes those tell me straight away because she likes to torture me. She likes to watch my "man brain" burn up on something that I can't figure out.
     
  20. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    Of course you do, if I tell a man he's awesome because he implies men aren't good enough and that I'll teach them to be something else what would you say? :cool:

    If I told you Americans weren't good enough and I would teach them to be like French people, what would you say? :cool:

    It's perpetuating the myth that women have to be like men to be good enough, they don't. It's also a myth that women don't straight talk.
     

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