Tactifool

Discussion in 'General Weapons Discussion' started by Bill Mattocks, Jan 4, 2017.

  1. Bill Mattocks

    Bill Mattocks Sr. Grandmaster

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    My wife just got a spam email for a 'tactical pen', which is (from what I can tell), a common ink pen with a black rubber gripping surface.

    It claims to be the world's leading choice for military and police the world over.

    Huh.

    When I was a Marine MP, I carried a pen. A 'Bic'. Very tactical. Oooh, scary stuff, kids.

    And I find myself surrounded these days by guys in their twenties and thirties who have never served a day in the military, but they dress the part. Kind of. They try to cultivate the 'operator' look.

    It starts with tattoos. Generally an entire sleeve or both arms, and perhaps an edgy "I don't really care if I can't find a job later" neck or face tattoo.

    Then we've got the epic beard. I'll give them credit for this, it's usually better than I can grow. I don't know how they do it - I've seen kids in high schools with better beards that I can grow now. Heck, in Marine Corps boot camp, I hardly had to shave - I was mostly cutting peach fuzz and zits.

    Then the plaid shirt, or some kind of pseudo military shirt. The 'Tapout' shirts seem to have gone away, but I still see them once in awhile; usually stretched over a belly that is bigger than mine.

    Baseball caps for sure - usually designating some military service or another, or a famous police department.

    Jeans have to be greasy for some reason - I guess to show they work on cars?

    Doc Martens or boondockers round out the outfit.

    They love them some jacked up four-wheel-drive vehicles, although from the looks of all that chrome and stuff hanging off them, they've never seen a non-paved trail, let alone really gone 'wheeling'.

    Then we have the weapons. Oh dear me, they do love them some black guns. AR15, AK47, and of course all the FN-FAL and CETME and other fine semi-automatic versions of military weapons they can find.

    And the accessories! Wow, they sure have a lot of accessories! Besides the weapon itself, they have aftermarket lasers, and usually iron sights AND one or even two optical sights as well. Sometimes they have night-vision stuff. Flash suppressors, hand guards, pistol grips, collapsible buttstocks, shortened barrels, trigger guards designed to allow extreme winter use with polar gloves on. I'm surprised they don't have a thing in the stock which tells time.

    They were all operators. Let me tell you, they are all special forces. They have more jump time than I have time in. They have more wings than an angel. More cloth on their combat ribbons than a Turkish bath towel.

    Well.

    Just had to get this off my chest. My non-hairy, non-tattooed, non-tactical chest.
     
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  2. drop bear

    drop bear Sr. Grandmaster

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    Not really a thing that happens in my area.
     
  3. Tames D

    Tames D RECKLESS

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    Well, did she buy the tactical pen?
     
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  4. Buka

    Buka Grandmaster

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    Got a lot of chuckles from that post. (I'm sure the Goose Raspberry smoothies helped) (as well as being a really old fart)

    Never had a tattoo, but thinking of getting one when I get my dog. Probably a small pic of his puppy face on my bicep. Folks have asked me "why don't you have any ink?" I always replied "because you don't put bumper stickers on a Ferrari." But that may change.

    Trained a lot of guys. Lot of cops, lot of ex-military who were now cops, lot of protective services guys, lot of soldiers, but also a lot of mooks. When you first meet them in the group, they look awesome, just like you described. Shirts with "Kill them all, let God sort them out" emblazoned across their chests, or "Death From Above" or whatever. The bloused BDU pants, boots, cammo, a wrist brace here and there, placed more for looks than support, sleeves torn off, or cut just so, for freedom of movement of course.

    I always dressed in kind. In "my teaching "outfit" for that kind of group. Usually a baggy, threadbare pair of grey sweatpants, which are more the consistency of an old towel than a sweat pant, and my favorite faded, white and yellow t-shirt with even more faded bunnies and kittens on it. (It's so fricken cute. No, really, it is)

    It throws them off when you first walk in, or when they walk in and look to see who the instructor is. And there's always a giggle or a guffaw. But it's one of the easiest rooms to read in all of teaching. You see who's grouped with who, who's looking to who. In less than a minute you know exactly who you're going to use for what. And you know exactly who's going to ask the inevitable questions of "but what about when a guy does this?' Or "what about if it's a guy my size?" And ask, they do. (God bless them, couldn't do it without them) That's usually when you pull the guy that giggled to the front.
    It's all good though. Always liked those kind of groups. Fun to teach, don't have to worry about anyone complaining that they got hurt (they would never admit it) And I always got lots of t-shirts and caps out of the deal, which I usually gave away.

    Kids. Gotta' love em.
     
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  5. Bill Mattocks

    Bill Mattocks Sr. Grandmaster

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    My 'tactical' outfit for working out in the backyard.
     

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  6. Flatfish

    Flatfish Black Belt

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    Well, at least you got the hat right.....
     
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  7. stonewall1350

    stonewall1350 Blue Belt

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    Let's see. I'm in my 20s. I got the beard. That's more of a trend thing. But I also LIKE my beard. Has nothing to do with operating while I operate to the operation so I can say I operated as an a operator. And I have a 4 wheel drive truck. Because I'm an outdoorsy guy. It isn't jacked up, but it does look that way...because 4 wheel drive raises the truck. I have a "tactical" flashlight that was a gift. But it strobes. Which is great for dance parties, dogs, and idiots. :)

    No tats, a college football hat, and I do have a belly. But every man needs a toolshed. Never had tapout. I only have a few "plaid" shirts, but they are real plaid. Wool. And they are warm and comfy and naturally anti microbial so they don't stink. I never wear them. I live in Florida. Lol.

    But I saw the guy you are talking about. He works in the gun store. Or in the outdoors store. Lol.

    Me? I dress Florida tactical. Sandals. Cargo shorts. Sun glasses. I have my gun concealed and a Mag in the pocket. That's it. I don't look special. I find it funny when people try to cultivate those looks too. The look YOU are talking about is called the funker tacticool look and is also popular with former military guys. And yet? It looks ridiculous on them too. :)


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  8. Bill Mattocks

    Bill Mattocks Sr. Grandmaster

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    I used to call that Bermuda camouflage.
     

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  9. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    Not with our lot lol. Mind, none of that is a Brit look anyway whether ex military or pretend military ( those are know to us as Walts). I suppose we must be quite boring really.
     
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  10. stonewall1350

    stonewall1350 Blue Belt

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    Lol. I love it. You know who began the look?

    [​IMG]


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  11. stonewall1350

    stonewall1350 Blue Belt

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    Lol. The old school guys are mainly who don't look or act that way. They are the guys still in jean shorts and blurry old tats.


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  12. Flying Crane

    Flying Crane Grandmaster

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    Night-vision equipment is simply AMAZING stuff for star-gazing. You can really see a lot of the Milky Way with that gear. Stunning!! Love it!

    If I ever got a Ferrari, the first thing I would do is cover that thing with tree-hugger bumper stickers. And not just on the bumpers.
     
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  13. gpseymour

    gpseymour Grandmaster

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    I determined some time ago I really don't need anything fast. I drive too fast as it is. Thus, if I ever get a Ferrari, I'm putting on a lift kit and a gun rack.
     
  14. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    We have a Landrover, standard for where we live, in the countryside we need it plus they last for decades. I've seen fifty year old plus ones still running around here. :D
     
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  15. JowGaWolf

    JowGaWolf Senior Master

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    Just because of this rant you are going to get 1 for your birthday. lol.. The beauty of this pen is that you can use the top to get rid of any evidence that may get stuck under your finger nails. You the clear plastic operates as an under water breathing apparatus so when you need to hid under water you just pull the ink out and use it breath. It also doubles as a miniature blow dart. Did I tell you that it makes a great stabbing tool?
    [​IMG]
     
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  16. Transk53

    Transk53 The Dark Often Prevails

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    Mmm, can't really help having a hairy chest lol.
     
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  17. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    These are standard issue in the MOD, for use as pens I hasten to add. in my job we always carried our own pens because we had a chap on one of the shifts who used the pens in the office to clean his ears out. I kid you not, the black stud bit at the top would be removed at some point and you'd see the ear wax building up........ Other pens would be chewed by someone else. We used to sign keys out so it was a pain trying to find a clean pen for people to use, the rule was you never used your own as people would walk off with them (which was how we'd got ours in the first place lol)
     
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  18. Transk53

    Transk53 The Dark Often Prevails

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    Apart from Doctors doing tracheotomies on airlines, I thought only 007 used bics.
     
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  19. Flying Crane

    Flying Crane Grandmaster

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    Anyone who has time to sit around and dream up a "tactical pen" has too much free time, needs to grow up and move out of their parents' basement. Take a shower, wash their clothes, start dating and maybe even have sex someday. With an actual partner.
     
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  20. Transk53

    Transk53 The Dark Often Prevails

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    Dream up a tool. What is wrong with that?
     
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