Some Biker Jokes

[Shaderon]

Just for Wade... and the rest of ya


A young man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "On a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of macho bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker . I smacked him in the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, "Leave her alone now, or you'll answer to me.'"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago."


and...

A good looking biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, he now had a problem: How to carry all of his purchases home. The owner of the sotre said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.
But in the parking lot he was approached by a lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely woman without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens".

 

[Jade Tigress]

Heard the first one before (always makes me laugh) and the second one was a new one for me and great! LOL!

 

[Drac]

What the difference between a harley and Hoover?? With a Hoover the dirtbag is on the inside...

 

[wade]

Give me a minute to respond, my printers broke and it's taking me awhile to write the 2nd one down so I don't forget.

 

[Kreth]

So why is it that the PETA nutjobs aren't as offended by a biker's leather jacket as they are by an old lady's fur coat?

 

[zDom]

I'll LOL at your biker jokes and raise ya THIS:


A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


(OK ... it was a blonde joke, not a biker joke ... but it WAS in a biker bar! )

 

[Drac]

A biker and his girlfriend are watching an action movie being filmed..The director notices and tells the leading man , "Hey go pick a fight with that bike trash and we'll film it and put in in your next movie"..

So the actor walks up to the wild one and says "Hey dude, is that ho your old lady?"..."Yeah man, what about it?", say the biker.."Well that the uglest, fattest amd nastyist ***** I ever saw"..

The bike turns to his girlfriend and says "SEE, what I tell you".....

 

[Xue Sheng]

So why is it that the PETA nutjobs aren't as offended by a biker's leather jacket as they are by an old lady's fur coat?

That's easy

What will happen if you throw paint on an old lady's fur coat?

Now,

What will happen if you throw paint on a bikers leather jacket?

 

[crushing]

That's easy

What will happen if you throw paint on an old lady's fur coat?

Now,

What will happen if you throw paint on a bikers leather jacket?[/quote]

The biker would suddenly realize the error of his ways, trade in the leather jacket for a nice cotton pullover, become a vegan and then thank you profusely?

 

[Xue Sheng]

That's easy

What will happen if you throw paint on an old lady's fur coat?

Now,

What will happen if you throw paint on a bikers leather jacket?[/quote]

The biker would suddenly realize the error of his ways, trade in the leather jacket for a nice cotton pullover, become a vegan and then thank you profusely?

First :lfao:

Second

Some how I doubt it... but what the heck I think someone from PETA should go give it a try to see which of us is right... what do you say

 

[Cryozombie]

God & The Motorcycle


The inventor of the Harley Davidson, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
So, St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that was me..."
God commented, "Well, what's the big deal of inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention":

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but ...according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours!"
​

 

[Cryozombie]

A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women." Then she got up and left.
The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
​

 

[Kreth]

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
​

Damn! Me too! :lol:

 

[MA-Caver]

Originally Posted by Cryozombie
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Damn! Me too! :lol:

Hell, I've always known I was! :uhyeah:

I remember one...
Truck driver pulls over for a bite to eat at a roadside diner. Orders a large hamburger, large fries and a huge shake. Just as he's about to eat a gang of 8 outlaw bikers ride up and make their way into the diner. They look the place over and spot the trucker. They go over to him and without a word one of them grabs his hamburger and wolfs it down in three bites, another grabs his fries and splits it with another one of the gang and they wolf them down. Still another grabs his shake and gulps it all down quick as you please. The gang steps back to see what the trucker would do.
He gets up and moves through the biker gang and without a word goes to the register and pays for his food and walks out the door. Moments later his truck could be seen passing by the windows of the diner. The bikers look at each other and start laughing! "Geez!" one of them says, "that guy shure wasn't much of a man was he?"
The cook who had come out from the back nodded sagely and said: "Yep, and he wasn't much of a truck driver either, just ran over 8 motorcycles!"