Is this what's wrong with kids today? Bumpers?

[Carol]

http://www.parents.com/blogs/goodyblog/2014/02/what-is-wrong-with-kids-these-days-bumpers/#fb-comments

A friend of mine recently posted this on FB, describing a bowling establishment remarkably like one where I live. My friend loved the article and openly wished she could meet the author.

While I fully agree with the "too much coddling is a bad thing" sentiment, this mother really struck me as a person eerily obsessed with making an example out of her kid, in front of her friends, on her birthday.

In the first paragraph she admits that this is something that she and her kids hardly ever do. Whether its bowling, or French, or karate, or dance, or piano....no skill can be learned if you hardly ever do it!

If you want to show your kids they suck, fine, show them they suck. But to show your kids they suck (and use a birthday celebration at that) without ALSO showing them what it takes to get better seems a bit off the mark to me.

What do you all think?

 

[Steve]

I don't know. Is tee ball bad for kids? I don't think so, and bumpers aren't different.

Honestly, as a father of three, there are ample opportunities to crush your children's spirits and embarrass them in public. The key to being a good parent is knowing how to temper the cold splash of reality without letting it turn to poison.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

 

[ballen0351]

I don't see anything wrong with it. She was right the kids were too old for bumpers and in the end they learned to bowl correctly. She said her son could still use them because he's 5 but the older girls were not allowed and in the end they all had fun. Win win for everyone

 

[ballen0351]

I don't know. Is tee ball bad for kids? I don't think so, and bumpers aren't different.

Except middle schoolers don't play Tball. Here once you turn 6 you no longer get to use the T your pitched to first by coaches for a few years then by other players.

 

[DennisBreene]

I didn't get the impression that any spirits were crushed, or any child made to feel that they "sucked". I got the impression that the kids had a good time; like we used to when we fell off our skateboard the first 100 times. A great deal of pleasure can be derived from finally getting it right ONCE, and then 50 tries later getting it right twice. Sometimes in our zeal to appropriately protect our kids, we forget to protect them from our own insecurities. Failure is the inevitable precursor to success and it's better for them to learn that lesson in small ways early. At some point in their lives they will face challenges that don't include an easier alternative, and I hope that perseverance is a trait that has been instilled when they face those challenges.,

 

[Carol]

I read it a bit differently, but granted, the story was heavily colored by my own experiences.

The lanes she's describing sounds identical to a candlepin bowling place near me that has the separate building with lanes in black lights, they crank up the 80's music, offer bumpers, and serve pitchers of soda. They have a birthday party deal that offers a great rate on shoe rental and games as long as you reserve in advance and bring 10 people or more...so a friend of mine did that for her birthday.

Candlepin is much harder than 10 pin. No one has ever rolled a perfect game. Rolling a few games can indeed mean zero after zero after zero. I rolled a game with bumpers for the first time when I was at the party, it was a bit more fun than the one I rolled without...although it wasn't a big deal either way. To be honest, I don't like the game very much, but I wasn't really there to be a bowler. I was there to spend time with good folks I care about.

View attachment $melissa and me.jpg

 

[crushing]

Through the ages the adults always think "there is something wrong with (other people's) kids these days."

I wonder; did she teach the girls to keep score manually or did she 'coddle' them by letting the scoring system take care of that tough part?

 

[Carol]

Through the ages the adults always think "there is something wrong with (other people's) kids these days."

I wonder; did she teach the girls to keep score manually or did she 'coddle' them by letting the scoring system take care of that tough part?

I was thinking that same thought! My dad loved to bowl 10 pin league, and I often bugged him to take me with him sometime. One weekend day he took me to the lanes and if I was strong enough to roll a ball down the alley, then we would play. I was, and we did. And I loved it. We kept playing, and then Dad insisted that I learn the rules and keep score (manually). Learning how to keep the math straight in my young mind was a better skill to learn than learning how to roll a ball.

 

[jks9199]

I've got mixed feelings. I've seen kids who never were permitted to fail growing up become young adults who are shocked when they actually must perform effectively for a boss. Or who feel entitled to opportunities and positions simply by showing up, rather than putting the time in to earn them. (And who don't even bother to try if they don't feel like they've got much of a chance...) I've noticed some of the younger people at my job who are less willing to put in extra time, and are more willing to simply "do enough" rather than push to do their best and do more. And they need more reinforcement; it's not enough that they didn't get a report kicked back, they need to be told it was good or good enough.

But that doesn't mean you need to crush kids publicly or embarrass them, either. I wasn't at the bowling alley. This actually reminds me of a discussion I had with some friends on Facebook recently. They'd been at a TKD class with their kids, and saw a parent "encourage" his son when he got hurt (mildly, a bloody nose, as I recall... something most of us have dealt with!) with "blood is weakness leaving the body." In the end, my point of view was that a lot of things like this are very individual, and it depends on how the kid takes it and their relationship. Same thing here...

 

[granfire]

Throwing a gutter ball in bowling is hardly embarrassing (unless you are a league bowler) but still something you have to deal with in life. What are you going to do if you wipe out in public? Sit, cry and hide, or get up, knock the dust off your clothes, get a good laugh and move on?

We are lucky to have church to meet at that lets us use the skating rink. I never roller skated in my life (well, I did, but my old strap on skates were so really bad, it did not count), and yet, I strapped some on, looked like a fool, busted my butt (but only twice the first time) and went on to skate, most likely looking like I had my pants loaded.
When I get to take the girls to the ice rink, I will do the same, encouraging them to go and try. No bumpers, no walkers.
I think falling down (figuratively speaking) is a better teacher.

 

[Steve]

Except middle schoolers don't play Tball. Here once you turn 6 you no longer get to use the T your pitched to first by coaches for a few years then by other players.

Ah, I got caught not reading the article. My bad.

 

[crushing]

Throwing a gutter ball in bowling is hardly embarrassing (unless you are a league bowler) but still something you have to deal with in life. What are you going to do if you wipe out in public? Sit, cry and hide, or get up, knock the dust off your clothes, get a good laugh and move on?

I threw an embarrassing gutter ball (at least) once. It was at the state bowling tournament in the 90s and the 3rd ball in the 10th frame. I still finished in 3rd place for handicapped series, which was a $500 prize. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw that I missed out on 2nd place, a $750 prize, by 3 pins. I now refer to my last roll of the state bowling tournament as my $250 gutter ball.

 

[Carol]

Throwing a gutter ball in bowling is hardly embarrassing (unless you are a league bowler) but still something you have to deal with in life. What are you going to do if you wipe out in public? Sit, cry and hide, or get up, knock the dust off your clothes, get a good laugh and move on?

We are lucky to have church to meet at that lets us use the skating rink. I never roller skated in my life (well, I did, but my old strap on skates were so really bad, it did not count), and yet, I strapped some on, looked like a fool, busted my butt (but only twice the first time) and went on to skate, most likely looking like I had my pants loaded.
When I get to take the girls to the ice rink, I will do the same, encouraging them to go and try. No bumpers, no walkers.
I think falling down (figuratively speaking) is a better teacher.

But you meet at a rink regularly. So sure, learn the hard way and give the kids a chance to build upon what they can do. That's awesome, because it sounds like the rink is a regular place to meet and it would give the kids a chance to actually try and build upon what they do.

To introduce the game "we don't usually do this, but this was a special occasion" -- that exactly how my mom described doughnuts :lol: We never had doughnuts (or similar pastries) in the house growing up. The one exception was around Christmas, when my uncle would bring over a dozen Dunkin's. Even then, we weren't allowed to get our hands on one until we heard "Remember, we don't usually do this...."

In this case, the mom hasn't given the kids a chance to learn the skill. Had she taken them before, she would have known that when you go to get your lane assignments in glow bowling, you're given the lane number and then immediately asked "Do you want the bumpers up?" Age has nothing to do with it. They've asked my group the same question and we're all over 25. In this case it sounds like the guy at the desk asked one of the girls, and while the girl wanted to do so, she had enough respect to ask the parent in charge if it was OK.

I don't have anything against learning things the hard way, I just think its very inconsistent to be denigrating a kid for not wanting to commit to formal of the game when the parent isn't even willing to commit to the game overall.

 

[granfire]

we have not made it a regular thing yet. The church lets us use the facilities for free, so far we had a couple of outings in 2 years, special occasions (its their 'other' church building) so we do have a few month in between skates.

 

[Grenadier]

I see nothing wrong with making a pre-teen face up to the challenge, as long as it's done in an encouraging way.

By the time they're pre-teens, they should be "toughening up their skins" (figuratively speaking) in preparation for what cruelties they may face in the outside world, and shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes along the way.

At the same time, a parent shouldn't excessively rip into his kids if they make an honest mistake along the way. They should be encouraged to learn from their mistakes, adapt, and overcome. Isn't that how we learn many of the things in life, after all?