Is there something wrong with me?

Discussion in 'The Locker Room Bar & Grill' started by amateur, Jan 12, 2019.

  1. spidersam

    spidersam Orange Belt

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    Ha! My mom does. I get to hear her complain everyday :D Yes and that takes some strength. Good strength.
     
  2. Gnarlie

    Gnarlie Master of Arts

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    It is not as important for other people to like you as it is for you to like yourself. I hope you can find that.



    Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk
     
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  3. amateur

    amateur Orange Belt

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    When I started using social media, I thought I could chill and chat somewhere online. I was a fool to believe that this is any different from real life. Since I'm not liked in real life, I should have known I wouldn't be liked online either. As I have said, I have been banned from many forums all of sudden, for pretty much no reason, after I had stayed there for a while, opened my heart and being shown sympathy from people. It's not hard to tell that the same thing will happen here. Someday, you will ban me with a 'no reason' message and never reply to my appeals. Since it happens for no reason, there is something about me which cannot be said with words but is plain obvious to everyone but me, because I don't have the elementary intelligence or social skills to see it.
    I have been told by my grandma and my uncle that I was born this way. One time, my father told me that I am a despicable being without an ounce of kindness in me. I don't remember what I had done, but I was only 10! If you're told by your parent such a thing when you're at the supposedly innocent age of childhood, imagine how resentful you are by strangers as an adult. My relatives have no reason to lie to me and their words are proven whenever I see the 'banned for no reason' message, which I will definitely see here as well in the future.
    When I stopped caring and started being rude, years ago, I guess I was still in anger, but now I am not. Now I just don't care, without being angry. I am in peace with the fact that I'll never be liked by anyone. You can ban me and get it over with.
     
  4. jks9199

    jks9199 Administrator Staff Member

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    You're somehow focusing on people disliking you and anticipating a ban. Why? Most here are being rather supportive and offering help. But you are spiraling into this "nobody likes me, they're going to ban me" spin without supporting evidence.

    Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2019
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  5. spidersam

    spidersam Orange Belt

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    You can either keep believing that or prove yourself wrong this time. Don’t think it’ll happen again. Be the change this time. You see now everyone in this forum is currently supporting you. Open your eyes to that and end the doubt because your future will be the result of your actions now. Think before you write and ask yourself is what I’m writing kind. This forum is for learning. Start karate (whatever it is you wish to do), come here with questions or for advice, and you may surprise yourself. Set a goal, man. One month, only write nice things. When you make it there, and don’t say you won’t, aim for a second. Peace.
     
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  6. amateur

    amateur Orange Belt

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    -Forum about cellphones: I was not there for cellphones. I was just discussing in the general section, because it was the only good forum I found in my mother tongue. I did not break a single rule. 2-3 people started being like 'duh, why is he never talking about cellphones?' (annoyance phase) Perma ban!

    -Forum about pokemon: In the general section, there was a thread about sexual preferences. After reading some responses with pretty weird stuff, I was like 'well, I guess I can be open too'. I opened up and, a few hours later 'perma ban'. I explained to them that I have not done anything illegal in real life and I just posted fantasies, like everybody else in the thread. They deactivated my appeal function.

    -Forum about workout: My first and last day there, I posted questions similar to what I have posted here on the beginner section. A few minutes later: 'You are banned/Reason: No reason/Date the ban will be lifted: Never'. Zero responses to my appeals.

    -Forum about anime: I was not familiar with where the warning points icon was, so, when I started receiving warning points for a kind of posts considered spam, I reached the ban limit without realizing it. I got mad, not realizing what was going on and, in the appealing section, I reacted angrily. When I realized it, I was like 'oops, I hadn't seen them'. I posted another appeal, apologized for my behaviour, said I was in a bad day and asked for a second chance. They were like 'no, we don't want you here'.

    -Other forum about anime: It was a new forum. No established rules yet. At some point, 'banned'! I logged in through another computer and, in a thread, there was a mod's post: 'Congrats dude, you managed to be banned before the rules are ever announced'. Other responses to that: 'Good riddance', '(Clapping icon)', 'Come on, guys, we've wasted enough time with his sorry *** already'. I posted on a chatbox connected to the forum and was like: 'Sorry, I thought your forum was one that allows trolling behaviour, because it has similar traits to another forum I have visited. Now that I know, I'll behave myself. May I have a second chance?' They all were like: 'Well, you guessed wrong, we're not like that forum and you're never coming back'.


    Just like the previous times.

    -Religious forum: I was supported by people who were like 'whoah, I'm sorry you're being pushed so hard', until, one day, having received zero warning points, 'you're perma banned for being a troll, have a nice day'. Zero responses to my appeals.

    -Female forum: I was supported by the supposedly more sensitive opposite sex. Nobody ever complained about my behaviour in the slightest. Until one day 'you have been perma banned, contact the admin for info'. I tried to contact them like a budzillion times, they treated me as non existent.

    That's why I'm more than certain this is destined to happen here too.
     
  7. _Simon_

    _Simon_ Master of Arts

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    Ultimately this isn't about anyone else at all and how they feel about you. It's about how you feel about yourself.

    Forget about the forums. Forget about being banned. Forget about what everyone has told you in the past.

    Are you absolutely 100% certain without a doubt whatsoever you are unliked by everyone, right now in this instant?

    I don't even care if you answer it to me, just answer it to yourself if you like.
     
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  8. skribs

    skribs Senior Master

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    Before you post, read your post. Think these things:

    1. What would I think if someone said this to me?
    2. Would I say this in front of my grandmother?
    3. Would I say this in front of a little kid?
    If you realize your post is offensive, rude, or condescending, you can reword it in a way that's more respectful. Over time, you'll learn ways that you usually use to be respectful and it won't take as much thought. Sort of like muscle memory.

    If you've been banned from 7 forums, then either you've been really unlucky, or there's something you can work on. Let's see:
    • Cell phones - you were off-topic. Was there no "off topic" forum?
    • Pokemon - it sounds like you posted some stuff that went over the line there.
    • Anime #1 - you spammed, and then reacted in anger
    • Anime #2 - you trolled them
    • Religious forum - without knowing the details, it sounded like you were complaining about how someone in the religion treated you, but after a while they felt you were not there for apologies but just to vent anger at them
    • Female forum - sounds like you didn't qualify to be on that forum
    6 of the 7 it seems a clear reason why you were banned. If you stay on topic, don't troll people, don't post reactions in anger, and don't discuss taboo topics on forums (religion, politics, etc.), and keep your posts clean of swear words and other R-rated content, you should be fine.
     
  9. _Simon_

    _Simon_ Master of Arts

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    That is absolute and total rubbish. Honestly, 100% ********.

    Our family just pass on what they were taught and what they know, it's not that he consciously knew he was lying to you, he may have felt that. But you in no way need to keep believing that. What a horrendous thing to tell a child...

    You were an innocent child.... when he told you that of course you would believe him. You were an innocent little child who looked up to father. He was also innocent as a child too, and may have been told a similar thing. It is unfortunate, but all of us are told things that we unwittingly believe. Parents are just doing the best with what they know.

    Your experience does not prove that their words were right, it proves that if you believe that, that is what you will experience. Truly.

    Your pain is not PROOF that the world is how you see it, but it is proof that this would be the consequence of believing that it is.

    It's the opportunity to undo that pattern within yourself. Just starts with questioning that belief system, being ruthlessly honest with yourself, and opening yourself up to the possibility that maybe it's not true after all...

    A therapist/counsellor would just do wonders for you. It helps so much to have someone who will sit there without judgement, and assist you in seeing all this. But that's your call. You can take that leap and finally take responsibility or just resign yourself to 'this is how it will always be...'.

    It sounds frightening to go there, but it is really safe. One small step at a time.
     
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  10. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    I have no clue what sort of age (or other criteria) R-rated refers to...
     
  11. Dirty Dog

    Dirty Dog MT Senior Moderator Staff Member

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    In the US. movies are rated based on the maturity of their content. An "R" rating means no one under 17 is allowed into the theater unless accompanied by an adult.
     
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  12. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    So I looked it up... On the surface, from the description, it appears to be almost the same as our "18" rating.

    But it's not when it comes to application...

    The majority of R-rated films are rated "15" here, some even "12".

    I managed to find one single film that is "R" and "18" (there must be more, but I can't be bothered to spend more time looking) - and that's "American Beauty".

    I did have the passing thought it must be due to using the word "American" in the title, but both "American Pie" and "American Ultra" are lower rated here, so that's not it.

    So if you're in the US, keep your posts below "R" rated.

    If you're outside the US, best to think "PG"...

    Cultural differences ftw :D
     
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  13. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    Yeah, I looked it up, see my previous message if you missed it.

    I could post stuff that would very likely pass a "12" rating (and definitely pass "15") and still fall foul of the requirement to not post R-rated content. Like clips from "The Matrix" say ;)


    (Oh, and with reference to PG - that's a bit different to the US PG-13 rating too...)
     
  14. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    I know very little about how these things work but is it possible that one forum's admin would know or find out someone has been banned from other groups and are anticipating a troublesome poster so ban straight away?
     
  15. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    Yes, it's possible.

    There are many ways a reputation can precede you on the internet.
     
  16. Dirty Dog

    Dirty Dog MT Senior Moderator Staff Member

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    I know we don't do anything of the sort, nor is there any Secret Forum Admin Forum where we tell tails of terrible posters.
    We're all too busy thinking of ways to spend our exorbitant salaries to bother.
    The closest thing to what you're describing is sites that track spammers.
     
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  17. Bruce7

    Bruce7 Brown Belt

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    When I was a teenager
    English movie ratings were more concern with violence .
    American movie ratings were more concern with nudity.
    I remember seeing a naked women playing a piano thinking this would be rated R in america.

    Now in america you see naked women after 9:00 on regular TV,
    Old star trek TV shows gave you the idea of sex and violence, without sex and violence.
    Good movies can get the point across without, showing hupping or brains and blood everywhere.
     
  18. amateur

    amateur Orange Belt

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    Yup.

    I haven't been banned only from 7 forums. They're way more. I mentioned just the ones I could remember at that moment.
    The general story is this: In the beginning, I was careless and broke rules indeed, but, on the first mistake, they would perma ban me, without accepting my apologies, without giving me second chances. Humans are ruthless!
    Over the course of years, I became more careful, I really gave much thought to a text before clicking the 'post' button. But still I would end up banned. One forum even admitted banning me 'for no reason' in the ban message. On the forum about females, they banned me for seemingly no reason too, after I had spent months getting along with everyone. And I don't think my male gender was the issue, because I stated I was a man months before they banned me.
    When, on this forum, some people started being annoyed at what they perceived as stubborness on my part, I started seeing the signs. It reminded me of that forum about cellphones where some people were annoyed that I never talked about cellphones (even though I posted everything on the 'off topic' section, so it was not against the rules) and, later, I saw the ban message. But I don't get it. There was a forum where a girl always posted on the off topic section and never posted stuff relevant to the forum's main topic either, yet she was adored by everyone.
    And the fact that people here are supportive means nothing either. They were supportive on the forum about religion too, but that didn't prevent the day of my perma ban from coming.
    That's why I'm totally, absolutely, 100%, beyond any doubt, certain that I'll get banned from here, one way or another.
     
  19. amateur

    amateur Orange Belt

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    I have already explained thoroughly why I don't trust those people. The thought that the only person who will sit and talk with me is someone paid to do it is not really pleasant and I don't intend to waste another fortune to hear predictable stuff like the previous time I attended a professional.
     
  20. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    @amateur - you are wrong.

    You said you are 100% certain that nobody here likes you.

    That's wrong.

    I am entirely indifferent to you, I have pretty much zero feeling either way.
     
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