How martial arts saved my life

[Headhunter]

Okay people I've debated long and hard about posting this up here but I think it's time I shared the true meaning of what my martial arts means to me. Quick warning there's some heavy stuff in here.

So I did my fight career and all that retired and trained part time. I got married and had 2 beautiful children. But then about 8 years ago my wife was killed by a hit and run driver who never got caught.

Obviously I was a mess and truly I didn't handle it well at all. I started drinking very very heavily I put on about 10 stone and just didnt look after myself at all. Didn't wash didn't shave didn't eat right, didnt train. Luckily my kids were adults by then and living away from home so I didn't neglect them but they were obviously worried about me. I was never diagnosed with it but now I know I had severe depression and was an alcoholic and I considered taking my life many many times but thankfully I never followed through with it but there were times I had a knife in my hand or a pill bottle and a bottle of vodka that's how close it got.

My kids were very worried about me and tried hard for the 2 years I was in that slump for to get me help but nothing worked. But then one day my daughter asked me to come to the kickboxing gym she trained at. I don't even know why I said yes but I just found myself saying yes and I went and I watched and I was a mess and saw the looks I was getting off other people. I looked like a tramp but anyway I watched everyone trained and that spark of passion I hadnt felt in those 2 years was reignited slightly. I felt the pull of training again so I went over to a bag and did a few combos and I was out of breath in seconds. That disgusted me so much and that was when I truly saw the damage I'd done to myself and knew I had to get myself better.

It wasn't like a movie where I worked out every day and became perfect in a few weeks. It was a hard struggle for 3 years to get off the drink and to work hard to get in shape again. With a number of relapses. Eventually it happened and I stated getting back to who I was. I was training in kickboxing and karate 5 times a week and doing training at home, eventually I truly got my love of martial arts again and now I haven't had a drink In 3 years and last year for the first time I started to see a therapist. I do still have my dark days but no where as bad as they used to be. If it hadnt been for martial arts I know I'd be dead by now.

For everyone this will seem like it came out of no where and It's not just here I hid this part of my life from everyone because I was so ashamed of how I handled my grief and my way of dealing with my shame was to pretend it never happened. But my therapist said I had to accept it did happen and learn from it. I'm posting this here as me accepting it and also telling anyone who may read this to never give up even in your darkest day.

I truly love the martial arts against but truly one of the reasons I do keep training is because I know if I stop I could easily fall back into where I was that's my motivator. Not fighting, not rank, not trophies, not for my ego. I'm training so I can keep my life clean.

I know some people see me as the grumpy bastard and I am sorry if I come off that way I have tried to make myself as light hearted as I can and I know I'm getting better but I know I'm not fully recovered. I probably never will be fully but I am happy in my life right now and martial arts has helped me so much with it. So to anyone going through any struggles. There is always hope even in the most dark days.

Apologies for this bleak post. This was kind of for my own needs and benefit and it's liberating writting these writes but if it also helps or inspires one person then ill be happy with that.

 

[DanT]

I'm so sorry about what happened to your wife. I can't even imagine how that must be. You're brave for talking about it. It takes a lot of courage to talk about it, and it takes a lot of courage to change. Reminds us of how human we are.

 

[ks - learning to fly]

that took guts to post and I'm glad you did - RESPECT.

 

[jobo]

it isn't martial arts that did those things, it was you. The arts only helped you along the way. It's you resolve to get better, that got you through.

respect for your journey so far and best wishes for the future

 

[JP3]

You're right, sometimes you are grumpy Headhunter. That being said, I still enjoy reading what you write.

And what you think about your training and the things that surround training. All good.

 

[Tames D]

Congratulations on your sobriety. I'm right there with you brother.

 

[Jenna]

Okay people I've debated long and hard about posting this up here but I think it's time I shared the true meaning of what my martial arts means to me. Quick warning there's some heavy stuff in here.

So I did my fight career and all that retired and trained part time. I got married and had 2 beautiful children. But then about 8 years ago my wife was killed by a hit and run driver who never got caught.

Obviously I was a mess and truly I didn't handle it well at all. I started drinking very very heavily I put on about 10 stone and just didnt look after myself at all. Didn't wash didn't shave didn't eat right, didnt train. Luckily my kids were adults by then and living away from home so I didn't neglect them but they were obviously worried about me. I was never diagnosed with it but now I know I had severe depression and was an alcoholic and I considered taking my life many many times but thankfully I never followed through with it but there were times I had a knife in my hand or a pill bottle and a bottle of vodka that's how close it got.

My kids were very worried about me and tried hard for the 2 years I was in that slump for to get me help but nothing worked. But then one day my daughter asked me to come to the kickboxing gym she trained at. I don't even know why I said yes but I just found myself saying yes and I went and I watched and I was a mess and saw the looks I was getting off other people. I looked like a tramp but anyway I watched everyone trained and that spark of passion I hadnt felt in those 2 years was reignited slightly. I felt the pull of training again so I went over to a bag and did a few combos and I was out of breath in seconds. That disgusted me so much and that was when I truly saw the damage I'd done to myself and knew I had to get myself better.

It wasn't like a movie where I worked out every day and became perfect in a few weeks. It was a hard struggle for 3 years to get off the drink and to work hard to get in shape again. With a number of relapses. Eventually it happened and I stated getting back to who I was. I was training in kickboxing and karate 5 times a week and doing training at home, eventually I truly got my love of martial arts again and now I haven't had a drink In 3 years and last year for the first time I started to see a therapist. I do still have my dark days but no where as bad as they used to be. If it hadnt been for martial arts I know I'd be dead by now.

For everyone this will seem like it came out of no where and It's not just here I hid this part of my life from everyone because I was so ashamed of how I handled my grief and my way of dealing with my shame was to pretend it never happened. But my therapist said I had to accept it did happen and learn from it. I'm posting this here as me accepting it and also telling anyone who may read this to never give up even in your darkest day.

I truly love the martial arts against but truly one of the reasons I do keep training is because I know if I stop I could easily fall back into where I was that's my motivator. Not fighting, not rank, not trophies, not for my ego. I'm training so I can keep my life clean.

I know some people see me as the grumpy bastard and I am sorry if I come off that way I have tried to make myself as light hearted as I can and I know I'm getting better but I know I'm not fully recovered. I probably never will be fully but I am happy in my life right now and martial arts has helped me so much with it. So to anyone going through any struggles. There is always hope even in the most dark days.

Apologies for this bleak post. This was kind of for my own needs and benefit and it's liberating writting these writes but if it also helps or inspires one person then ill be happy with that.

is not a bleak post.. it is inspiring! on your road ahead you can, and will with your open eyes, see the reason you did not take your life.. wishes to you xo

 

[Reedone816]

Respect to you yo be able raise from the bottom.
The training and camaraderie really help me also when i was down.

Sent from my Lenovo A7010a48 using Tapatalk

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Thank you for sharing this, Headhunter.

We all get grumpy at times - that's part of being human. You've dealt with far more than most of us, and I'm glad you re-found martial arts and it gave you a path out of the deepest part of that depression. And I'm glad you're one of "us" here, on MT.

 

[Headhunter]

Thanks for the support guys. To @jobo yes it was me who made the changes I agree but If I hadnt had any interest in martial arts I wouldn't have felt that pull towards it which is got me to change. So yeah I did it but I wouldn't have without martial arts.

One thing I'll add to my original post is now martial arts isn't just a hobby now it's like my motivation isn't to win a trophy or get a belt. It's to keep me going. That's why whenever I miss or class due to illness or whatever i get nervous because I'm worried without the thing I do even for 1 night it could cause me to slip back. I mean I've missed a fair number over the years and it hasn't happened but it's still on my mind.

 

[hoshin1600]

thank you for posting this. one thing that is important is that even if someone has had struggles they are never alone. i know a few who attribute martial arts to saving their lives, even more who say martial arts changed their lives. myself included on maybe both counts.
someone ( cant remember who) posted some time ago how martial arts helped with their depression and there were many posters who came out of the wood work and stood up and said "me too".
this may be the internet but we are a community of sorts and posts like this make us, as a community better and stronger.

respect to you

 

[jobo]

Thanks for the support guys. To @jobo yes it was me who made the changes I agree but If I hadnt had any interest in martial arts I wouldn't have felt that pull towards it which is got me to change. So yeah I did it but I wouldn't have without martial arts.

One thing I'll add to my original post is now martial arts isn't just a hobby now it's like my motivation isn't to win a trophy or get a belt. It's to keep me going. That's why whenever I miss or class due to illness or whatever i get nervous because I'm worried without the thing I do even for 1 night it could cause me to slip back. I mean I've missed a fair number over the years and it hasn't happened but it's still on my mind.

I think you would have pulled yourself out anyway, what you need is a project to occupy you mind and give you purpose, you chose martial arts, my friend who had his own,significant trauma, he lost his leg in a work accident and his wife left him as a result, chose to buy, rebuild and teach himself to ride with one leg,a motorcycle. That worked for him as martial arts worked for you.

your not dependent on ma to stop you slipping back,your dependent on your state of mind to move forward and progress your life or there is a lot more you can,accomplish that ma if you want to

 

[lklawson]

For everyone this will seem like it came out of no where and It's not just here I hid this part of my life from everyone because I was so ashamed of how I handled my grief and my way of dealing with my shame was to pretend it never happened. But my therapist said I had to accept it did happen and learn from it.

Most men don't react any better. You ended up expressing it in alcoholism and self neglect, but that is not unique. Statistically speaking, men do not handle the loss of a mate particularly well. In fact, most tend to die soon after (again, statistically speaking).

Congrats. I pray you can continue fighting away from the brink.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[Balrog]

Okay people I've debated long and hard about posting this up here but I think it's time I shared the true meaning of what my martial arts means to me. Quick warning there's some heavy stuff in here.

So I did my fight career and all that retired and trained part time. I got married and had 2 beautiful children. But then about 8 years ago my wife was killed by a hit and run driver who never got caught.

Headhunter, I am very sorry to hear what happened to your wife.

You've been through some rough times, bro, but it sounds to me like you are climbing back up. Just keep in mind that you have friends and people who respect you in here. Unload on us all you want - burdens are lighter when they are shared.

<Bowing while typing>

 

[JowGaWolf]

Okay people I've debated long and hard about posting this up here but I think it's time I shared the true meaning of what my martial arts means to me. Quick warning there's some heavy stuff in here.

So I did my fight career and all that retired and trained part time. I got married and had 2 beautiful children. But then about 8 years ago my wife was killed by a hit and run driver who never got caught.

Obviously I was a mess and truly I didn't handle it well at all. I started drinking very very heavily I put on about 10 stone and just didnt look after myself at all. Didn't wash didn't shave didn't eat right, didnt train. Luckily my kids were adults by then and living away from home so I didn't neglect them but they were obviously worried about me. I was never diagnosed with it but now I know I had severe depression and was an alcoholic and I considered taking my life many many times but thankfully I never followed through with it but there were times I had a knife in my hand or a pill bottle and a bottle of vodka that's how close it got.

My kids were very worried about me and tried hard for the 2 years I was in that slump for to get me help but nothing worked. But then one day my daughter asked me to come to the kickboxing gym she trained at. I don't even know why I said yes but I just found myself saying yes and I went and I watched and I was a mess and saw the looks I was getting off other people. I looked like a tramp but anyway I watched everyone trained and that spark of passion I hadnt felt in those 2 years was reignited slightly. I felt the pull of training again so I went over to a bag and did a few combos and I was out of breath in seconds. That disgusted me so much and that was when I truly saw the damage I'd done to myself and knew I had to get myself better.

It wasn't like a movie where I worked out every day and became perfect in a few weeks. It was a hard struggle for 3 years to get off the drink and to work hard to get in shape again. With a number of relapses. Eventually it happened and I stated getting back to who I was. I was training in kickboxing and karate 5 times a week and doing training at home, eventually I truly got my love of martial arts again and now I haven't had a drink In 3 years and last year for the first time I started to see a therapist. I do still have my dark days but no where as bad as they used to be. If it hadnt been for martial arts I know I'd be dead by now.

For everyone this will seem like it came out of no where and It's not just here I hid this part of my life from everyone because I was so ashamed of how I handled my grief and my way of dealing with my shame was to pretend it never happened. But my therapist said I had to accept it did happen and learn from it. I'm posting this here as me accepting it and also telling anyone who may read this to never give up even in your darkest day.

I truly love the martial arts against but truly one of the reasons I do keep training is because I know if I stop I could easily fall back into where I was that's my motivator. Not fighting, not rank, not trophies, not for my ego. I'm training so I can keep my life clean.

I know some people see me as the grumpy bastard and I am sorry if I come off that way I have tried to make myself as light hearted as I can and I know I'm getting better but I know I'm not fully recovered. I probably never will be fully but I am happy in my life right now and martial arts has helped me so much with it. So to anyone going through any struggles. There is always hope even in the most dark days.

Apologies for this bleak post. This was kind of for my own needs and benefit and it's liberating writting these writes but if it also helps or inspires one person then ill be happy with that.

Losing someone you love is never easy. My wife has cancer and the thought of having that part of my life ripped out of existence scares the mess out of me. I wouldn't expect anyone including me to be in their right mind from something like that. We are only human and there's no "perfect way" of dealing with a loss like that. Literally if you are a breathing organism that has emotions, then having someone ripped out of your life is one of the most difficult things a person can experience in life. I would never expect anyone to get get over something like that. It's like a scar from a bad wound. It doesn't go way. The most we can do is heal the wound so it doesn't become infected and cause other problems. You seem to be doing that and it takes a lot of strength to share something like that.

If Martial Arts helps then keep on doing it until it doesn't; and if that happens find something positive to grasp hold of and keep getting back up.

 

[Ironbear24]

Okay people I've debated long and hard about posting this up here but I think it's time I shared the true meaning of what my martial arts means to me. Quick warning there's some heavy stuff in here.

So I did my fight career and all that retired and trained part time. I got married and had 2 beautiful children. But then about 8 years ago my wife was killed by a hit and run driver who never got caught.

Obviously I was a mess and truly I didn't handle it well at all. I started drinking very very heavily I put on about 10 stone and just didnt look after myself at all. Didn't wash didn't shave didn't eat right, didnt train. Luckily my kids were adults by then and living away from home so I didn't neglect them but they were obviously worried about me. I was never diagnosed with it but now I know I had severe depression and was an alcoholic and I considered taking my life many many times but thankfully I never followed through with it but there were times I had a knife in my hand or a pill bottle and a bottle of vodka that's how close it got.

My kids were very worried about me and tried hard for the 2 years I was in that slump for to get me help but nothing worked. But then one day my daughter asked me to come to the kickboxing gym she trained at. I don't even know why I said yes but I just found myself saying yes and I went and I watched and I was a mess and saw the looks I was getting off other people. I looked like a tramp but anyway I watched everyone trained and that spark of passion I hadnt felt in those 2 years was reignited slightly. I felt the pull of training again so I went over to a bag and did a few combos and I was out of breath in seconds. That disgusted me so much and that was when I truly saw the damage I'd done to myself and knew I had to get myself better.

It wasn't like a movie where I worked out every day and became perfect in a few weeks. It was a hard struggle for 3 years to get off the drink and to work hard to get in shape again. With a number of relapses. Eventually it happened and I stated getting back to who I was. I was training in kickboxing and karate 5 times a week and doing training at home, eventually I truly got my love of martial arts again and now I haven't had a drink In 3 years and last year for the first time I started to see a therapist. I do still have my dark days but no where as bad as they used to be. If it hadnt been for martial arts I know I'd be dead by now.

For everyone this will seem like it came out of no where and It's not just here I hid this part of my life from everyone because I was so ashamed of how I handled my grief and my way of dealing with my shame was to pretend it never happened. But my therapist said I had to accept it did happen and learn from it. I'm posting this here as me accepting it and also telling anyone who may read this to never give up even in your darkest day.

I truly love the martial arts against but truly one of the reasons I do keep training is because I know if I stop I could easily fall back into where I was that's my motivator. Not fighting, not rank, not trophies, not for my ego. I'm training so I can keep my life clean.

I know some people see me as the grumpy bastard and I am sorry if I come off that way I have tried to make myself as light hearted as I can and I know I'm getting better but I know I'm not fully recovered. I probably never will be fully but I am happy in my life right now and martial arts has helped me so much with it. So to anyone going through any struggles. There is always hope even in the most dark days.

Apologies for this bleak post. This was kind of for my own needs and benefit and it's liberating writting these writes but if it also helps or inspires one person then ill be happy with that.

I am happy to hear that it has helped you so much. It isn't easy to go through those things, I can't say that with experience because I never have, but nonetheless I am glad you found peace in it.

 

[Headhunter]

Looking back on this thread now and even from then to now I've improved even more. I'm on this forum more now because I feel I need more distraction because frankly I don't like Christmas. Haven't done since this happened. Yeah I've still got family and I go through the happy motions and yeah I do enjoy the day with family but it's all the build up I don't like especially when it starts so early.

Yeah I sound miserable but hey but I'm better than where I was previously and frankly I have no desire to drink again. Honestly I hate alcohol always have. It tastes disgusting to me and I don't like what it does to people so the fact I went down that path right now Is baffling to me. I don't even believe I was an alcoholic from it because since I stopped I just stopped I haven't craved it or needed it and I've been in pubs and bars around people drinking and had no desire to touch a drop at all.

I don't know needed to put this out here

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Looking back on this thread now and even from then to now I've improved even more. I'm on this forum more now because I feel I need more distraction because frankly I don't like Christmas. Haven't done since this happened. Yeah I've still got family and I go through the happy motions and yeah I do enjoy the day with family but it's all the build up I don't like especially when it starts so early.

Yeah I sound miserable but hey but I'm better than where I was previously and frankly I have no desire to drink again. Honestly I hate alcohol always have. It tastes disgusting to me and I don't like what it does to people so the fact I went down that path right now Is baffling to me. I don't even believe I was an alcoholic from it because since I stopped I just stopped I haven't craved it or needed it and I've been in pubs and bars around people drinking and had no desire to touch a drop at all.

I don't know needed to put this out here

Sometimes we just need to share out loud, brother.

 

[Buka]

Martial Arts has done so much for so many. How can anyone wonder why we would love it so?

And rock on, Headhunter, rock on, brother.

 

[Headhunter]

Martial Arts has done so much for so many. How can anyone wonder why we would love it so?

And rock on, Headhunter, rock on, brother.

Absolutely that's why it annoys me when people think it's all about fighting. Yeah sure fightings a big part but it's never been about that for me. I've never been in a real fight in my life and I never plan to and I'm proud of that but I still train hard all the time not because I want to take someone out but simply because it's fun. The styles I train I know are physical hard styles but more than likely I won't be able to do those forever when im in my 80s so I'll probably transition to something like tai chi and that will be fine with me. I don't give a damm about who I can beat in a fight now if I'm ever attacked I'm confident I could defend myself quite well but that's never been why I do it. I couldn't care less if my styles are realistic or street practical it just doesn't matter to me