How Fights Start
My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and
said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
"Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went20back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with
a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather
out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which
one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started ...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas
tion.
And the fight started...
******************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I
looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason
took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium
rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and
said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
"Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went20back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with
a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather
out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which
one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started ...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas
tion.
And the fight started...
******************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I
looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason
took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium
rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
