Phil Elmore
Master of Arts
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 1,514
- Reaction score
- 54
Greetings, Earthling! Please, do not be alarmed, Yes, I have descended from the sky in what your people whimsically call a "flying saucer." Yes, I am an alien. As it says on the transmissions you beam into space, "I come in peace."
Yes, we watch your television shows. We have learned how to convert our language, which would be meaningless in your speech, to Earth words you will comprehend, for we have identified certain correspondences based on the words most frequently (my elders would say, incessantly) beamed from your world into the blackness of space.
Using our painstakingly complied conversion program, therefore, I believe you will be able to understand me. I am Lipitor, from the planet Viagra. I bring a message from Ambassador Paxil, We are a peaceful people, but we are a people at war. You see, my cherished people are being oppressed by the evil Zoloft Alliance, based on the dark and forbidding planet Nexium. Our war requires much in the way of resources. Specifically, to fight the Zoloft, we require Protonix to fuel our starship for an incursion into the Propecia cluster. There, our allies of the Xanax Ring may be able to offer some small amount of support.
You may be asking yourself, why the Viagrans? Why not, perhaps, our allies from the Verizon Nebulae? They would very much like to assist us, Earthlings, but they have their own war to fight, a war against the Cingulars from Element K. They cannot help us.
Please, gentle Earthlings, set aside your fears and render us aid. No amount of Prozac ore from the Serepax Belt will suffice. We must process the Protonix we mine from your planet into Ativan, Rohypnol, and Tranxene, if we are to have a chance to free the occupied world of Normison from the Zoloft tyrant, Mogadon.
I know that I ask much. Not since the mythic hero Ritalin confronted the Pirates of Dexedrine, killing many innocent Focalins in the ensuing fray, have we faced so grave an hour, so urgent a need.
You may be asking yourselves if helping aliens may have repercussions. We will not lie to you. Yes, when you take sides, there may be certain side effects. These, however, are similar to sugar pill, and include dry mouth, headache, certain unusual viral conditions, and slow immolation by alien Death Ray.
If slow immolation by alien Death Ray is not for you, consult your physician. Oh, also drowsiness.
Yes, we watch your television shows. We have learned how to convert our language, which would be meaningless in your speech, to Earth words you will comprehend, for we have identified certain correspondences based on the words most frequently (my elders would say, incessantly) beamed from your world into the blackness of space.
Using our painstakingly complied conversion program, therefore, I believe you will be able to understand me. I am Lipitor, from the planet Viagra. I bring a message from Ambassador Paxil, We are a peaceful people, but we are a people at war. You see, my cherished people are being oppressed by the evil Zoloft Alliance, based on the dark and forbidding planet Nexium. Our war requires much in the way of resources. Specifically, to fight the Zoloft, we require Protonix to fuel our starship for an incursion into the Propecia cluster. There, our allies of the Xanax Ring may be able to offer some small amount of support.
You may be asking yourself, why the Viagrans? Why not, perhaps, our allies from the Verizon Nebulae? They would very much like to assist us, Earthlings, but they have their own war to fight, a war against the Cingulars from Element K. They cannot help us.
Please, gentle Earthlings, set aside your fears and render us aid. No amount of Prozac ore from the Serepax Belt will suffice. We must process the Protonix we mine from your planet into Ativan, Rohypnol, and Tranxene, if we are to have a chance to free the occupied world of Normison from the Zoloft tyrant, Mogadon.
I know that I ask much. Not since the mythic hero Ritalin confronted the Pirates of Dexedrine, killing many innocent Focalins in the ensuing fray, have we faced so grave an hour, so urgent a need.
You may be asking yourselves if helping aliens may have repercussions. We will not lie to you. Yes, when you take sides, there may be certain side effects. These, however, are similar to sugar pill, and include dry mouth, headache, certain unusual viral conditions, and slow immolation by alien Death Ray.
If slow immolation by alien Death Ray is not for you, consult your physician. Oh, also drowsiness.
