At what point do you quit and accept defeat?

[Rich Parsons]

Edmund,

I am going to take a shot in the dark and assume your friend is in his thirties.

This is my take on life so far:

What I am about to do (* Compare is how we can depress ourselves *)

Teen years: learn about responsibility, capture one's independence, lose one's virginity.

Two out of three i snot too bad is it.

Twenties: Start life, start a career, play more, gather some conquests and become rather obnoxious and self-righteous about all that one knows

Finished College - Full Time Job(s) and school
Started new Career
Got Married

Tried to avoid conquests and other than my marriage and thinking I was ready (* 20/20 hind sight *) I think I tired to avoid that as well.

Thirties: Crisis of self-importance and place in the world, goals and identity.

Got Divorced (* Ex turned thirty right after I filed *)
Went for Fun - Bought Convertible and Motorcycle and 4X4 Truck
Dated - Some for just friends, others to have fun, others for long term.
No Kids - This seems to be a bigger problem for those around me. Even though I like children a lot.

Career stalled - in industry that is not doing well

Forties: reconciliation with goals, a new beginning on life.

Looking at these and looking at not only having fun, but also what really is happiness and how to keep it or get more of it.

The thirties, in my experience, were some of the sorriest times in my life - depressing, anxious, worrisome, confrontative ... lord! ... worse than high school.

I think as we get closer to 40, we 'grow up'. It doesn't exactly mean ditching a dream but maybe looking at it a different way or from a different perspective.

If I'm correct, your friend probably feels that he has nothing good in his life. But he has air in his lungs. His health is in crisis, and he is rigid in his approach to healing himself. He is probably having trouble with a relationship and maybe in love with someone else.

The very first thing he must do is get a regular job. If this dream venture of his is not working out, then he must find another way to make it work. That might mean changing how whatever it is is funded, it's location, the purpose behind it. He must be able to evaluate his skills and find employment appropriately.

Bottom line ... HE NEEDS A NEW PERSPECTIVE.

This involves a re-evaluation of his needs, his definition of success, and one big, fat break he generously gives to himself.

I think once he finds some gainful employment (outside of his dream, of course), some things will come more easily.

He needs to put his own life on a pedastal and remind himself that while he may (or may not) be surrounded by wonderful people, be financially successful, etcetera, that he must serve himself as he would serve his higher power since he is a vessel for his higher power.

Everyone's parents pass. This will be devastating to him, but he will survive. I think when my father passed away I felt a sense of legacy and strive to carry that forward.

Most important, you probably want to tell him that it's all good - he's gonna be okay as soon as he just takes the leap. It's a leap of the heart and a leap of faith he must make. Just hang in there and listen, and listen, and listen. Get him out and about once in a while and listen some more. Give him a good butt-kicking when he needs it, and ask him if he found a job yet. The job, as you and I both know, will give him a stronger sense of purpose if he has a good perspective on the need for one.

Post again on how he's doing, Edmund. And please feel free to post from your heart anytime. :asian:

I agree a new perspective would be good. :asian: