Low Confidence

[kicksindabank]

I know martial women are strong, hard core, and powerful. Yet, I feel so inadquate in karate. No one has done anything harmful, mean, spiteful, or cruel.

I just feel as if I am not a true woman of the martial arts. There are others in the class who are stronger, better, and faster than I am. When we are in practicing weapons, sparring, or kata's they are able to pick it up like snap and I am slower than a turtle going uphill.

What confidence builders to you woman have to.

[Kacey]

Originally Posted by kicksindabank

I know martial women are strong, hard core, and powerful. Yet, I feel so inadquate in karate. No one has done anything harmful, mean, spiteful, or cruel.

I just feel as if I am not a true woman of the martial arts. There are others in the class who are stronger, better, and faster than I am. When we are in practicing weapons, sparring, or kata's they are able to pick it up like snap and I am slower than a turtle going uphill.

What confidence builders to you woman have to.

There will always be someone stronger, better, faster - also younger, more flexible, more athletic, etc. That is the nature of life in general. The question is, are you better than you were before? In the end, that's all that really matters.

[KenpoSterre]

hey. It took me three weeks to memorize lone lapel grab. I have trouble memorizing movements but I still am confident. why? because I practice more than the other girls. I know that when I master a move it will work. I have a sense of accomplishment that they can't get. Once you get another belt or two your confidence will build. Just be confident. The mt ladies and men are rooting for you!

[Swordlady]

Training in the martial arts is about improving yourself. It isn't about becoming the biggest, baddest, strongest, and fastest fighter. What are your training goals? What would you like to accomplish? Have a long-term goal for yourself, with smaller goals along the way. See where you were when you first started, and what you have achieved so far. And try to be more patient with yourself. You may not see dramatic changes in your skill level right now, but as you learn more and grow in your training, you will realize how even the little victories along the way add up into something wonderful.

[kicksindabank]

The sad thing is I am a brown belt.

[Kacey]

Originally Posted by kicksindabank

The sad thing is I am a brown belt.

Why is that sad? I'm a IV Dan, and I still feel the same way myself at times. But I know I am better than I would be if I hadn't started - and that's what matters to me.

[michaeledward]

Originally Posted by kicksindabank

What confidence builders to you woman have to.

Originally Posted by kicksindabank

The sad thing is I am a brown belt.

Pardon me for jumping in over here.

Can you take a hit? When you are training, are you shadow boxing the air? Or do you and your training partners trade blows at 20% power, 30% power, or 50% power?

Do you have a training partner that allows you to hit them? Although you will start with light force, that training partner requests and demands that you increase your force as you repeatedly practice techniques.

I think a big confidence booster is watching your training partner limp away to catch his breathe for a minute or two.

A couple of anecdotes.

I was working five swords with a young lady in one of the classes I attend. I was attacking her. Over a ten minute period, we began to increase force; my incoming roundhouse got stronger, her technique had more force applied. At the end of this training time, we were both sore - "When pure fist meets pure flesh, that's pure karate".

But, the real confidence builder was the next class we attended, two days later, she was showing off her bruised right forearm (from the initial block in 5 Swords). She was bragging how sore it was. She had a great big smile on her face. She did tease me about hitting her, to which I reminded her she got five shots for ever one of mine. (my arm was sore, my neck was sore, my ribs were sore).

Really working a technique can build confidence.


Last week, I was in Pittsburgh, PA. I had the opportunity to share the mat in Josh Ryer's school. There was a young lady in that class running through some material. Again, I kept demanding that she turn up the heat. I'm a first degree brown belt - she was working 3rd degree brown material. I know the techniques she's running, I can prepare for what's coming. She turned it up quite a bit. We had quite a bit of fun. But, I think even more telling, is that Mr. Ryer came over and specifically commented on the increased energy in his student.

You have to find a training partner you can trustand you can hit. That partner will have to hit you back. But when you start to feel, you will start to know.

This does make for shorter workouts.

Mr. Planas tells me the Kenpo School Colors are 'Black and Blue'.

Good luck.

Mike

[Jade Tigress]

Originally Posted by kicksindabank

I know martial women are strong, hard core, and powerful. Yet, I feel so inadquate in karate. No one has done anything harmful, mean, spiteful, or cruel.

I just feel as if I am not a true woman of the martial arts. There are others in the class who are stronger, better, and faster than I am. When we are in practicing weapons, sparring, or kata's they are able to pick it up like snap and I am slower than a turtle going uphill.

What confidence builders to you woman have to.

I understand how you feel. Check out this thread I started along the same lines a while back. Hang in there. I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, try not to compare yourself to your classmates and just focus on your own training.

[King]

Sometimes I think we are harsh judges on ourselves. Comparing your learning ability to others is probably not the best way to gauge your true skill. Some people have better hands, some have better kicks, etc. not one student would be proficient in everything (that would make them instant masters ). I'm guessing you just need to hear some sort of feedback to keep you motivated. I've heard of people videotaping their forms and watching them over to fine tune their techniques. Perhaps you can try this way to see how your entire body moves?

Anyway I wish you well and good luck with your training.

[Martial Tucker]

IMHO, there are only two things you should be concerned with each day:

1. Am I better than I was yesterday? How you compare or progress vs.
other students is totally meaningless, unless your main motivation for training
is competing.

2. Even more important for women, have you established a mindset that will
allow you to actually implement the skills you have learned if attacked on the street? All of the training in the world is useless if you are not mentally prepared and willing to potentially hurt someone else if necessary to save yourself from harm. I've worked with many women, and enjoy it because they don't have the ego/macho issues many men have, but to my dismay, many women are woefully unprepared mentally for an attack.

I think it's really important to regularly visualize being attacked in various manners, and rehearse your defenses in your mind, AND make the very conscious decision in advance that you will do whatever it takes to avoid being injured in any way. In this way, you will train yourself to respond to an attack without thinking first.

[donna]

Im sure we all have times when we feel like this, I know I do. The fact is, you have your brown belt!!, which means you have managed to master the things that you find difficult and have done it well enough to pass your brown belt test (and they dont give those out to people who dont deserve them!). How long it took you to get there is irrelevant, as we all work at different paces and understand things in different ways. The fact that it is difficult for you to memorise forms etc.. means that when you do "get it" you probably have a better understanding of it than someone who seems to get it quickly.(Sorry about the ramble)

[Touch Of Death]

Originally Posted by kicksindabank

The sad thing is I am a brown belt.

I think its good to feel a bit insecure. I can't tell you how many female martial artists have an overblown supposition of their own abilities. Its important that you train hard and this is just the motivation you need.
Sean

[kicksindabank]

thanks everyone for thier support.

[RachelK]

Having an overblown opinion of one's own skill is not specific to women. I see it in men, too. Sadly, it's just something you see in the martial arts. Can't even begin to tell you how many guys with literally a few hours of training under their belt will boss me around, assuming they can fight better than I can simply because they are male. I don't get that from women, although certainly there are women who overestimate themselves just as surely as men do.
Not sure if this already came up, but this thread is similar to the "have a slight problem" thread, which is here http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38698
There is some great advice on that thread and you should check it out. I posted something to that thread as well, which I will not re-post here, but those are my suggestions for improving confidence. I agree with Mike and my earlier post does include something about getting comfortable with sparring, delivering and receiving hits. When you lose fear, you gain confidence. So if you can lessen your fear of getting hit, or any other kinds of fears you might have, like fear of falling on the hard ground, or psychological fears like fear of losing or looking bad, etc., that will increase your confidence.

Even more important for women, have you established a mindset that will
allow you to actually implement the skills you have learned if attacked on the street? All of the training in the world is useless if you are not mentally prepared and willing to potentially hurt someone else if necessary to save yourself from harm. I've worked with many women, and enjoy it because they don't have the ego/macho issues many men have, but to my dismay, many women are woefully unprepared mentally for an attack.

How do you know they are woefully unprepared? Did they say to you, "All this is fine for the dojo, but if someone were to actually threaten my safety, I'd freeze up." How do you measure someone's mental preparedness to handle a survival situation? The reason I ask is because I have found just the opposite: the way women (and men, too) appear to be is actually no indication of how they will react in a violent crisis. Women who seem to be confident and aggressive might freeze up and do nothing when attacked, whereas a timid wallflower might fight like a hellcat if her life were threatened. Take, for example, a new mother, pushing a stroller, carrying a heavy diaper bag, preoccupied with her baby. She may seem vulnerable, like an easy mark, but a mother will fight for her children even above and beyond how she'd fight for her own life.
I just wonder how you gauge mental preparedness to fight for one's life, because I don't think there is any way to know until you are in that situation. Imagining all kinds of violent scenarios in which you'd crush your attacker does no one any good. The real scenario is bound to be different from the fantasy.
People tend to think because women are less aggressive than men, they are less likely to be mentally prepared for violent conflict. I actually think it's just the opposite, because women are more likely to be victims of violent attack, we are more cautious. From the time we are very small, we have an awareness of the superior strength of our male playmates. Women are cautious in ways that men would never imagine. Walking around knowing that half the world is a lot bigger and stronger than you are, and that any potential violent attacker is most likely part of that half of the world, lends a completely different perspective on an ordinary act like walking from a shopping mall to your parked car.
So if your female students say things like, "I could never bring myself to do this to anyone," or if they told you about a violent conflict in which they froze up, then I'd agree they are unprepared, but if you base this assessment on their overall demeanor, or because they might appear shy or timid, that may not be the best way to judge this quality. I don't know of any way to judge readiness for violent conflict except to endure such conflict. Sparring is no substitute; your life is not in danger and you can't know how you'll respond to a truly life-threatening situation until you find yourself in one. I am not saying it's pointless to practice and prepare, just that it's hard to tell how well these skills will serve any of us in a real scenario....
I may have misunderstood your statement so if you want to clarify, Martial Tucker, I might interpret it differently.
Best,
Rachel

[Jonathan]

Originally Posted by kicksindabank

I know martial women are strong, hard core, and powerful. Yet, I feel so inadquate in karate. No one has done anything harmful, mean, spiteful, or cruel.

I just feel as if I am not a true woman of the martial arts. There are others in the class who are stronger, better, and faster than I am. When we are in practicing weapons, sparring, or kata's they are able to pick it up like snap and I am slower than a turtle going uphill.

What confidence builders to you woman have to.

Hi kicksindabank- I know you're asking for women's opinions, but I'd like to drop my 2 cents here, too, since confidence can be an obstacle for many folks. The reason I loved martial arts (past tense, as I'm not officially in training again *yet*) was because there was only one real 'yardstick' by which you can measure yourself- and that is, how much are you putting into it? If you know you're doing 100%, it doesn't matter if the student to your left or right is kicking higher, or moving faster. And that 100% is a sliding scale- everybody has days that they feel sluggish, that things simply aren't 'clicking' for them (personally, I call those days "Monday through Friday" ). But if you get out there, and you put yourself on that mat/floor, and you give everything you've got- that's a person (to give it a unisex spin) of martial arts. That's somebody to respect.

As for people having overblown opinions of themselves, consider the Taoist approach: "Those who speak, don't know the way. Those who know the way, don't speak."