Am I being a baby about this?

[Stac3y]

Last night when I came home from class, my husband asked me when I was going to get rid of my karate tournament trophies. This isn't the first time this has come up--he had mentioned it a few days ago, also, but in a gentler way. It really hurt my feelings--I love karate, and I love to compete; he's not a big MA fan, which sometimes causes some marital friction (not the good kind). I don't want to get rid of them, or not all of them, anyway, and thinking about doing it kinda bums me out. He has a good point in that our house is small, and some of the trophies are ridiculously huge, and I bring home about 3 a month. He doesn't want them in the common areas of the house (they clash with the decor, apparently), so they are all in our bedroom, and it's getting crowded in there. I know that trophies aren't intrinsically important, but they are a tangible symbol of achievement, and I think some of them are pretty cool-looking, too. I had suggested that I might get rid of the ones that are not from the current year, and just keep this year's (until next year, that is.)

So am I being a whiny baby about this, or am I justified in feeling a bit like my dh is not being supportive of my accomplishments, and that I should be able to keep the trophies if I want to, or at least most of them?

[Jaspthecat]

Compromise....

Agree between you that you will keep some of them out (those that you are most proud of) and box the rest.

Then tell him that if you had a bigger house there wouldn't be an issue.

[celtic_crippler]

Not at all.

Those are symbols of your achievment in something you love to do.

However, in all fairness you should ask yourself if he loved bowling and had tons of trophies would you ask him to put them away?

At any rate, you're married and that means finding compromise on many things. I think your suggestion about keeping current year trophies on display is fair.

Is there no room for a trophy case or something? Some designated area for your stuff?

[Bill Mattocks]

If it was the other way around, what would you want him to do with his (golf, baseball, etc) trophies?

Not to be too sexist, but it's not unusual for guys to have a 'man cave' room in which they have the obligatory "I love me" wall or trophy case. Why shouldn't you have one?

If space is the issue, and you think someday you might have more room, then perhaps an offsite storage locker is a good solution - gets them out of the house until you have a bigger house with a proper room where you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your efforts.

[Omar B]

Sounds like a bit of fear of achievement. Your victories are making him a bit self conscious (about his achievements or lack of) and he doesn't like it. There's a deeper issue here to be sure, talk to him about it, but in the meantime keep 3 on display and store the rest till this can be sorted out in a civil manner.

[terryl965]

Stacey we all have certain things that we treasure, can you not explain to the man you love what it goes mean to you and why you feel the need to have them. Try to keep a few and put the rest in a box or warehouse somewhere.

[blindsage]

Sounds like a lack of realistic, respectful compromise on both sides. You should be proud of your accomplishments and if you want to keep all of your trophies, you should, but it's not reasonable or considerate to your husband to keep all of your trophies out and on display if you don't really have the room for it, or the ability to have a designated space for it. On the other hand, it is not reasonable or considerate to you that your husband doesn't seem to respect your MA endeavors, or that your achievements mean something to you and should be supported because you care about them. I think you need to sit down and have an open, honest (and non-defensive) discussion with your husband about what your MA accomplishments mean to you, and how you can compromise on the trophy issue. Take Bill's recommendation and get a storage space to put the majority of your trophies in until you guys have a larger space in which displaying them all (or most of them, if that's what you want) is more reasonable.

[still learning]

Hello, Congratutions on all your achievements.....and trophies! 3 per month X 12 = 36 X 2 years = 72 plus trophies + years earlier!

I guess anyone would complain some what!

Someone mention just keeping the latest trophies and box the rest? or donate them to a cause? "Great idea here that was mention earlier"

Nice to keep records and pictures on files ( these will not take up lots of space!) Photo albums...computer files...

...sometimes it is a good idea to see things from his point of view? What happens when a "baby" comes along....

MY brother-in-law was a Professioal Horse Jockey for 20 years...boxes and boxes of photo's and albums....and if he kept all the trophies? ....a warehouse would be needed!!!

As one gets older and more wiser? .....the need for showing off trophies? ...feeling for them will grow smaller and smaller...off course the big ones should be kept!

A balance will need to be found here..

ASK what your husband wants - specfic - exactly what he expects or wants...I am sure he doesn't mind a few...

Trophies "have you notice's" makes great DUST collectors? ....as you get older....you will see them just that...dust collectors? ....

Times changes everyone............regarding the value of a trophy?

Accomplishments will always be remember more.....

Nice thing about catching fish? ...you can eat them...and take pictures too... WE have muliple ablums all over the house from 30 plus years of fishing...( NO mounts) whew....( we do have fun sharing the pictures with friends) .....people like looking at the fish...NOT us?

Aloha, ...going fishing again.......

PS: Trophies size fish? ...always wanted here....for a trophy!

[Big Don]

Three of my cousins raced Semi-Pro Motor Cross. My aunt's house has DOZENS of trophies in every room. When the question of getting rid of, or even my cousins taking the trophies to their homes has come up, it has always been my aunt who refused.
He should be PROUD of your trophies, as should you!

[still learning]

Three of my cousins raced Semi-Pro Motor Cross. My aunt's house has DOZENS of trophies in every room. When the question of getting rid of, or even my cousins taking the trophies to their homes has come up, it has always been my aunt who refused.
He should be PROUD of your trophies, as should you!

Hello, It is nice she likes them....Off course this will vary person to person.....

...some like them hot..some like them cold and some like in the pot..nine day old...? UM?

Aloha, medium for us...

[Frostbite]

I'm going to play a bit of the devil's advocate here and say that it's safe to assume some of your trophies will probably end up having more personal meaning than others. My advice would be to pick out some of the more significant awards and display those and store the rest.

If he still has a problem with that compromise, maybe he should look up the definition of the word compromise (hint: it doesn't mean he gets his way).

[Haze]

Whats more important, your trophies or your relationship?! You need to see why this bothers him so much.

I took my trophies and took the name plates off them and mounted them all on a wooden plaque. I have reminders of what I did but takes up a lot less room.

[crushing]

So am I being a whiny baby about this, or am I justified in feeling a bit like my dh is not being supportive of my accomplishments, and that I should be able to keep the trophies if I want to, or at least most of them?

Maybe he separates the accomplishments themselves from the awards that represent them? Just because he may not be into the hardware doesn't mean that he isn't into you and what you have done. Substance over symbols.

There have been some good suggestions in this thread on possible compromises. I wish you two the best in finding an understanding.

[jks9199]

Y'know... In all honestly, trophies in martial arts tournaments have gotten kind of ridiculous. To begin with, I've seen tournaments with something like 80 divisions... 2 year age breakdowns through adult, then about 5 year breakdowns in the adult range... not to mention belt ranges. Open forms, style-specific forms, and more... Then you add in that the 1st place trophies are running in the 5 to 6 foot tall range... You can easily & quickly end up with a whole heck of lot of trophies taking up a whole heck of a lot of space. Especially if you compete in one of the less populated divisions, virtually guaranteeing a trophy every time you go out. (I'm not trying to cheapen the training, the competitor, or even the competition. It's just a fact of life; if you enter a division that typically has 3 people... you're pretty likely to place. Like when I placed 4th out of 4 the last time I competed...)

I like the plaque idea... but a lot of the trophies I've seen only include the place and event, maybe not even the date. (Probably so they can reuse trophies in divisions that aren't awarded... or use them across divisions for ties.)

I'm actually a fan of medals instead of trophies... They're smaller, they take up much less space, and they're usually cheaper for the tournament promoter! I guess they're just not flashy enough... Or, when I was a kid, for swimming, we got ribbons from each event, and divisionals awarded plaques to the first 6 places or so (or 12 or maybe 24? competitors). Personally -- for small tournaments, I like that idea, too...

For the OP... maybe find a storage space you can put the trophies in? Or even see if your teacher/school can give some of them a home for you... Keep a few that have the most meaning to you at home, and put the rest somewhere else. You can always make a photo portfolio of 'em all to have around.

[Ironcrane]

Could you keep some of your trophies at your school, instead of your house?
Anyways, I have trophies myself (only six) and if someone told me to get rid of them, they'd suddenly find themselves turned into my new trophy case.

[Big Don]

Could you keep some of your trophies at your school, instead of your house?

That is a great idea!

[Rich Parsons]

Last night when I came home from class, my husband asked me when I was going to get rid of my karate tournament trophies. This isn't the first time this has come up--he had mentioned it a few days ago, also, but in a gentler way. It really hurt my feelings--I love karate, and I love to compete; he's not a big MA fan, which sometimes causes some marital friction (not the good kind). I don't want to get rid of them, or not all of them, anyway, and thinking about doing it kinda bums me out. He has a good point in that our house is small, and some of the trophies are ridiculously huge, and I bring home about 3 a month. He doesn't want them in the common areas of the house (they clash with the decor, apparently), so they are all in our bedroom, and it's getting crowded in there. I know that trophies aren't intrinsically important, but they are a tangible symbol of achievement, and I think some of them are pretty cool-looking, too. I had suggested that I might get rid of the ones that are not from the current year, and just keep this year's (until next year, that is.)

So am I being a whiny baby about this, or am I justified in feeling a bit like my dh is not being supportive of my accomplishments, and that I should be able to keep the trophies if I want to, or at least most of them?

Stacey,

I friend mine explained to me that one day when he came home and was frustrated that his wife had yet again dropped her jacket on the floor and kicked her shoes off on the way through the house. At first he thought the problem was hers, but the problem was his. He could either accept her as is or talk to her about the issue and see if some form of understanding could be reached.

I had another friend explain to me that in a marriage if only one person is compromising then that person compromises everything and in the end they comproise themselves and are no longer themselves.

Having lots of useless junk lying around the house can be a problem for some people. Junk being nick knacks to shoes to jackets to pillows to wall art to trophies to sports stuff to ... , .

But, as stated already, the trophies show accomplishment. If you have lots of them, he could possible not see the benefit anymore. If you have reached a certain rank such as black belt he could wonder why you would still train or practice as you have accomplished the end all of being a black belt.


And here is a possibility, and look at the male ego. He could be threatened by your accomplishments and or your skill set. Be kind, the male ego is fragile. ;)



Talk to him, and try to understand what the issue is. Have as you suggested the compromise of only the recent trophies on display and other options as they might be considered or arise during your talk.


Good Luck and best wishes.

[K-man]

If my wife was collecting MA trophies I'd be rapt! However horses for courses. Looks like compromise is in the air as per many great posts.

[Ken Morgan]

Three a month gets added to your collection??!

Congratulations.

That adds up to some serious metal lying around the home.

I have all my grading certificates sitting in a box somewhere, I don’t even know where. They’re not important to me, my practice is what’s important. I will never frame or display them. My bodybuilding trophies and MA trophies were in a box until the kids found them and put them out, unbeknownst to me. I grade this December, if I succeed, the certificate will go in a box too.

When I pass by a dojo in a mall and they have windows full of trophies, it puts me off, it screams ego to me.

Pragmatically, I’m a pack rat, I like saving stuff from the past, but over the last few years I realize, that I can’t save every little thing that comes into my life, there’s just too much stuff. Every few months I grab some garbage bags and go though everything and start throwing stuff out. I keep all photos, anything of value or potential value, items seriously sentimental. Sometimes stuff I save this month, gets thrown out next.

Sorry Hun, I know you’re proud of them, but can you just not keep the really important ones?

[Marginal]

This is just me, but if I was getting three trophies a month, I'd be mighty sick of getting trophies. There's no real place to put 'em, and the fact I'd have so many of the things would diminish their value as a whole in my eyes.

I'd probably keep one or two that represented some kind of major achievement and/or sentiment, but I don't think I could personally justify keeping a few dozen of the things.

[Stac3y]

Thanks to everyone for the ideas, thoughts, and advice. I agree that some tournaments give ridiculous trophies--I wish they would switch to something cool but smaller (patches with the event, placing, and so forth would be great, or even something weird like belt buckles or paperweights). I can't keep them at my school, unfortunately, because the school has no physical location--all of our training sites are rented or borrowed for classes and serve other purposes as well (on Tuesdays, for example, I train in a middle school cafeteria.)

I'm definitely going to go through and weed out all the ones that aren't 1sts. Then I'll look at the 1sts. Last year's 1sts can probably go into storage so I can give them as prizes on fun night once I have my own class (that'll be at least a year--I don't test for my black belt until September 2010.) I may take the toppers off the cooler ones from this year and keep just those. Or maybe I'll make a karate trophy art car (just kidding).

Thanks again, all.

[Phoenix44]

You've gotten some good suggestions. Two points, I think, are most important: 1) find out specifically what your husband is irked about, and 2) make a compromise.

If the major issue is your trophies taking up a lot of space, then a simple compromise is in order. Display 2-3 of the most recent or most valued trophies, with a nice framed photo of you with the rest of your awards. Then store the rest. That seems fair.

If you don't feel that's fair, then you really have to examine your own motivation. No matter what happens to all the pieces of metal and plastic, belts and certificates, YOU still own the skill and the achievement.

On the other hand, you'll have a more sensitive situation if space isn't the issue, but your husband is projecting a different problem on the trophies. For instance, if your husband is actually concerned with the time or money you spend on martial arts, or if it's a power or jealousy issue. But even then, if you get the dozens of trophies out of his face, your actual participation in martial arts may become less of an issue.

Congratulations on your achievements, and good luck working it out.

[girlbug2]

How about, you take a nice picture of yourself with all of your trophies,

frame that and display it prominently,

then take your trophies and put them into STORAGE.

As you get more trophies, repeat.

[Bruno@MT]

Well... there are 2 sides. on one hand, you should be proud of your achievements. otoh, a living room is a living room and not a trophy display room. Or at least, that should not be the primary focus.

And if you bring home 3 per month, then I can understand the frustration of your hubby if you indeed have a small living room and you have problems fitting everything inside.

The key to living together is compromise. Try to agree on a trophy area, and then it is up to you to decide what to display or not. Simply keep the rest in storage. In the end, the achievement is the prize, not the piece of metal / plastic.

[still learning]

Hello...Something to consider? ...if one had only two choices? ...which would be in your best interet?

Husband or Throphies? ..which one would be everlasting...OK-- most would choose throphies here....but you know what I mean?

I love to fish...when my son was born..a few week later I went fishing...our style is call ULUA fishing..normally 1-3 days at the beach 24/7 fishing..SEE ULUA FISHING...

...when we reach the beach...I knew...I wanted to go home and be with my son.....Quit serious Ulua fishing till he was old enough to go with me...

Know what is your priorties....find the balance...

Ego's ....love trophies...keep your ego in place....trying to say it "nicely" here...! Please!

Aloha, .....Eagles...can fly high...NO trophies needed....

[Darksoul]

-Girlbug2 beat me to it, haha! Keep the ones most important to you. Take the others and photograph them, a digital camera will make quick work of this. Keep records about each one in the photos so you remember what you have. As others have suggested, taking the information plate off and attaching them to a wall plaque is a great idea. I hear you on having a small place and little room. I have four limited edition Highlander the Series collector's plates, and nowhere to hang them. Someday...


Andrew

[Milt G.]

Thanks to everyone for the ideas, thoughts, and advice. I agree that some tournaments give ridiculous trophies--I wish they would switch to something cool but smaller (patches with the event, placing, and so forth would be great, or even something weird like belt buckles or paperweights). I can't keep them at my school, unfortunately, because the school has no physical location--all of our training sites are rented or borrowed for classes and serve other purposes as well (on Tuesdays, for example, I train in a middle school cafeteria.)

I'm definitely going to go through and weed out all the ones that aren't 1sts. Then I'll look at the 1sts. Last year's 1sts can probably go into storage so I can give them as prizes on fun night once I have my own class (that'll be at least a year--I don't test for my black belt until September 2010.) I may take the toppers off the cooler ones from this year and keep just those. Or maybe I'll make a karate trophy art car (just kidding).

Thanks again, all.

Hello,
I picked a half dozen, or so, of the ones most important to me to keep and disgarded the rest.
That should allow you to "begin again", and just replace the ones you keep with those most important to you.
And... Your dusting chores will be down to about nothing. :)

Thanks,
Milt G.

[Kenpo17]

I wouldn't get rid of any of my trophies if I were you. Sometimes, like I know my school allows this, they allow me to bring in my MA trophies I recieved a tournaments and they display them outside in the lobby area. I don't know if your school allows you to do this, but this would be one option. Another option is to box some of the smaller trophies, and just keep the bigger standing trophies out and displayed. Remember trophies are a symbol of your accomplishments so never get rid of them.

[Stonecold]

Could you keep some of your trophies at your school, instead of your house?
Anyways, I have trophies myself (only six) and if someone told me to get rid of them, they'd suddenly find themselves turned into my new trophy case.
I think the idea of takeing the trophies to your school can help, you can still see them, if you box them up, you wont. It also gives the school something to display, the hard work of their student.

[Brian R. VanCise]

Whats more important, your trophies or your relationship?! You need to see why this bothers him so much.

I took my trophies and took the name plates off them and mounted them all on a wooden plaque. I have reminders of what I did but takes up a lot less room.

This is an excellent idea! http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/images/icons/icon14.gif

[Stac3y]

Just an update--I have moved all the big standing trophies to our storage shed and kept just a few plaques and medals and a really cool-looking small one in my bedroom. The plaques were non-negotiable--there is no way I'm taking down my Adult Student of the Year award or my Black Belt Medal of Honor, or the 3 first place plaques from my first school tournament as a brown belt. Period. But I did take the others out of the house and put them into the storage shed. I told my husband that I wanted to display new ones in our living room for the first week after getting them, and then they would go out to the shed. The kids get to keep their trophies in their rooms for as long as they want--that's also non-negotiable, but my husband is fine with it anyway.

On another note, my husband suggested I make them into a huge sculpture in the back yard. I think that would be cool, but would be very time-consuming, so I'm not going to do that.

Thanks for all your suggestions!

[zDom]

Last night when I came home from class, my husband asked me when I was going to get rid of my karate tournament trophies. ...

So am I being a whiny baby about this, or am I justified in feeling a bit like my dh is not being supportive of my accomplishments, and that I should be able to keep the trophies if I want to, or at least most of them?

I didn't bother to read the whole thread, but here is my two cents (all just my opinion, your mileage may vary, some settling may have occurred during shipment, etc. etc.):

I think your husband should be more considerate of your feelings: if they are important to YOU, that should be enough for HIM.

(I wonder if this isn't a manifestation of him being jealous of your martial arts and/or time spent on martial arts instead of with him.)

I remember that for the first 6 or 7 years, my trophies were VERY important to me. I could point at any one of them and tell you month/year, particulars of the match or form, etc.

And it kinda hurt my feelings when my ex-wife (was still married at the time) let my toddler children "play" with them and destroy them.

Then, eventually, they just ended up not being so important to me anymore — just a bunch of plastic junk.


But back to you: I hope your husband comes around and realizes that they ARE important to you for the time being and respects your feelings. IMO, that is an important part of being in love — and being in love is an important part of being married.

And no, I don't think you are being a baby about it. You feel what you feel and racking up accomplishments and having (sometimes) visual reminders of those is an important part of the character-building of studying martial arts.

:)