View Full Version : Pulp...errr TKD Fiction
cali_tkdbruin
05-03-2003, 10:48 PM
Okay, since I'm a TKD practitioner only I can make fun of my Art :p
TKD Fiction
John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson sitting in car talking. (Pulp Fiction music fades off...)
S: OK, so tell me again about TaeKwonDo.
J: Waddya wanna know?
S: It's a martial art, right?
J: Yeah, it's a martial art, but it ain't a 100% martial art. I mean you can't just walk into a dojo, throw on a gi and start punching away. They want you to hit in certain designated places.
S: And that's not on the face right?
J: OK, it breaks down like this: it's legal to kick someone in the head,it is legal to kick someone on the body, and if you're quick it's legal to trip someone up, it's ILLEGAL to kick someone in the legs but...but...but that doesn't matter 'coz, getta loada this, the TKD people don't know how to hit the face with the hands, I mean that's one skill TKD DON'T have.
S: Aw man. I'm goin', that's all there is to it, I'm f___in' goin'.
J: Yeah man, you'd dig it the most. But do you know what the funniest thing about TKD is?
S: What?
J: It's the little differences, I mean they got the gis and the same ego instructors as we got here, but there they're a little different.
S: Example?
J: OK. You can walk into a TKD dojo and do a Kata and I'm not talkin' about no 10 movement Kata, I'm talkin' about a 30 movement Kata. And in TKD you spar with 10 inches of foam padding. Do you know what they call a dojo in TKD?
S: They don't call it a dojo?
J: Nah man, they don't come from Japan, they wouldn't know what the f___ a DOJO is.
S: So whadda they call it?
J: (assumes Korean accent) A Dojang.
S: A Dojang?
J: That's right.
S: And whadda they call a Kata
J: A Katas a Kata, but there they call it a Form or a Poomse (accent again).
S: (imitating accent badly) A Poomse? (Both men laugh)
S: Whadda they call a Bokken?
J: I don't know, I didn't go play with any sticks. Do you know you can get a Black Belt in TKD in 2 years.
S: What???
J: Two years.
S: Aw man...
J: I've seen 'em do it man, they f___in' given 'em away.
(cue music and fade...)
cali_tkdbruin
05-04-2003, 02:45 AM
Who needs hands techniques when I can knock you out with one clean axe kick... :idunno:
;) :D
Just playin' with all yall :kiss:
Jill666
05-05-2003, 09:24 AM
Wow- well done, I must say! :D
What about the part where they start talking about Dead Black Belt Storage?
jfarnsworth
05-08-2003, 08:23 PM
Originally posted by cali_tkdbruin
...one clean axe kick...[/B]
Hey, I like the axe kick.:D :D
MartialArtist
05-09-2003, 01:44 AM
ROFL
Cliarlaoch
05-10-2003, 08:21 PM
Not bad, Cali... good thing you're a fellow TKDer, or we'd have to give you a good ol' fashioned *axe kick to the groin.* Assuming those of us with black belts have been training for more than 2 years and can hit the broad side of a barn.
In all seriousness, though, cool post, man. That's really funny
KenpoDragon
05-10-2003, 09:16 PM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :boing2: :lol: :roflmao:
cali_tkdbruin
05-10-2003, 11:39 PM
Originally posted by Cliarlaoch
Not bad, Cali... good thing you're a fellow TKDer, or we'd have to give you a good ol' fashioned *axe kick to the groin.*
An axe kick to the Groin...errr... to the Nads???
I'd be more concerned about an AXE Kick to the upper regions such as my noggin, not my lower regions. :o
BTW, I always wear a cup when it gets down and dirty... ;) :p
Cliarlaoch
05-22-2003, 11:28 PM
Well, yeah, Cali, an axe kick is normally aimed for the head, sure... or the shoulder, or some other upper area... darnit, you're interfering with a perfectly good attempt to take a humour thread and inject a poorly disguised attempt to ride on someone else's joke into what was otherwise a good thread... er... yeah... so anyway, about that axe kick to the noggin? I think I could use it now. :P
Besides. We're flexible in TKD. We could figure out some way to get an axe kick into the groin. If we were sadistic. For that, talk to the Kenpo guys. (J/K ya'll)
Not all Kenpo guys are sadistic:angel:
jfarnsworth
05-25-2003, 09:13 PM
Yeah, I mean some of us just like to beat the guy down with like 18 strikes and all; then axe kick 'em to the groin while their laying horizontal.:D :rofl:
RCastillo
05-25-2003, 11:29 PM
Originally posted by Seig
Not all Kenpo guys are sadistic:angel:
Just IKKO guys who go deer hunting in winter!:eek:
jfarnsworth
05-28-2003, 08:29 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Just IKKO guys who go deer hunting in winter!:eek:
They have to be thinned out or you find deer in your windshield and stuff around here.:rolleyes:
RCastillo
05-28-2003, 08:50 PM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
They have to be thinned out or you find deer in your windshield and stuff around here.:rolleyes:
I see...........:(
Jill666
05-28-2003, 08:54 PM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
They have to be thinned out
The IKKO guys or the deer? :D
RCastillo
05-28-2003, 09:06 PM
Originally posted by Jill666
The IKKO guys or the deer? :D
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Good one, Jill!
jfarnsworth
05-29-2003, 10:00 AM
Originally posted by Jill666
The IKKO guys or the deer? :D
The Deer; dear.;)
jfarnsworth
05-29-2003, 10:03 AM
Originally posted by RCastillo
I see...........:(
Don't you have wild game that has a hard time being controlled in your area? Deer are the worst thing here in ohio. If there's one there's always more and they all run across the road; always. It's pretty much a given at some time or another you are going to hit one. Last month my mom hit 2 of those stupid things. One was hit and killed instantly the other I guess was hit in the back quarter of the heiney. It ran off. However the 1900 dollars of damage to her new blazer made her more angry.
tonbo
05-29-2003, 10:31 AM
That's a good post!! I like the interplay!
Had me laughing, that's for sure...;)
:rofl:
Peace--
RCastillo
05-29-2003, 11:58 AM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
Don't you have wild game that has a hard time being controlled in your area? Deer are the worst thing here in ohio. If there's one there's always more and they all run across the road; always. It's pretty much a given at some time or another you are going to hit one. Last month my mom hit 2 of those stupid things. One was hit and killed instantly the other I guess was hit in the back quarter of the heiney. It ran off. However the 1900 dollars of damage to her new blazer made her more angry.
The only wild game in this concrete jungle that needs controlling are the students . For that I need a cattle prod.:mad:
Originally posted by RCastillo
Just IKKO guys who go deer hunting in winter!:eek:
Just for that, I shan't share when you finally drag your butt up here. I will be eating venison while you shall be eating Big Bites from 7-11.
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
They have to be thinned out or you find deer in your windshield and stuff around here.:rolleyes:
That would be considered the "Drive" technique while hunting. Now you know why I have such a large truck.
Originally posted by Jill666
The IKKO guys or the deer? :D
That would depend on wether you are talking about my hair, yes, it nees to be thinned on a regular basis, my waist line, it goes throw a constant thinning/thickening process, or the deer popultaion, I do my best to contribute.
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
Don't you have wild game that has a hard time being controlled in your area? Deer are the worst thing here in ohio. If there's one there's always more and they all run across the road; always. It's pretty much a given at some time or another you are going to hit one. Last month my mom hit 2 of those stupid things. One was hit and killed instantly the other I guess was hit in the back quarter of the heiney. It ran off. However the 1900 dollars of damage to her new blazer made her more angry.
I guess she supports deer hunting then.
Originally posted by RCastillo
The only wild game in this concrete jungle that needs controlling are the students . For that I need a cattle prod.:mad:
I guess the wild armadillos and javelinas are not an issue then?
Dan Anderson
05-29-2003, 07:28 PM
A buddy of mine who runs a kung fu school related this to me. When tkd was in the Olympics for the first time a student came up tohim and asked, "Sifu, I just saw the taekwondo competition and I don't understand it." My friend said to him, "It's like this: you can't punch the guy in the face, kick him i the balls or hithim when he's down." His student replied, "Well, what the hell kinda fightin' is that?"
Yours,
Dan Anderson
RCastillo
05-29-2003, 07:38 PM
Originally posted by Seig
I guess the wild armadillos and javelinas are not an issue then?
Hey, my Kenpo don't work against them Javelinas!:eek:
RCastillo
05-29-2003, 07:39 PM
Originally posted by Seig
Just for that, I shan't share when you finally drag your butt up here. I will be eating venison while you shall be eating Big Bites from 7-11.
That's ok, The "Queen of Pain" will take me out to dinner!;)
jfarnsworth
05-29-2003, 07:54 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
That's ok, The "Queen of Pain" will take me out to dinner!;)
For some reason I doubt it.:rolleyes:
jfarnsworth
05-29-2003, 07:55 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Hey, my Kenpo don't work against them Javelinas!:eek:
Maybe just for sport we'll ask you to be the javalin catcher at Seig's place.:rofl:
jfarnsworth
05-29-2003, 07:56 PM
Originally posted by Seig
Just for that, I shan't share when you finally drag your butt up here. I will be eating venison while you shall be eating Big Bites from 7-11.
He will probably be just as happy.:confused:
RCastillo
05-29-2003, 08:09 PM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
For some reason I doubt it.:rolleyes:
Yeah! All I gotta do is wave that diamond around I'm gonna give her, and we're off to dinner!;)
RCastillo
05-29-2003, 08:10 PM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
Maybe just for sport we'll ask you to be the javalin catcher at Seig's place.:rofl:
Yeah, with the Goldendragon in front!;)
jfarnsworth
05-29-2003, 08:11 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Yeah! All I gotta do is wave that diamond around I'm gonna give her, and we're off to dinner!;)
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
Originally posted by RCastillo
Hey, my Kenpo don't work against them Javelinas!:eek:
Mine would
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
For some reason I doubt it.:rolleyes:
That would be a neat trick.......
Originally posted by RCastillo
Yeah! All I gotta do is wave that diamond around I'm gonna give her, and we're off to dinner!;)
Your wife will be pissed when you give my wife her diamond....
So, you really think Tess cna be bought off that easily? Besides, who's gonna drive you?
Originally posted by RCastillo
Yeah, with the Goldendragon in front!;)
That's ok, I bet He knows when to duck
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
He will probably be just as happy.:confused:
No taste.........:(
jfarnsworth
05-31-2003, 08:24 AM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Yeah, with the Goldendragon in front!;)
I would venture to make a sure guess; that the goldendragon will make sure you are in the front.
(As Mick Foley said): Have a nice day!
RCastillo
06-01-2003, 11:12 AM
Originally posted by Seig
Your wife will be pissed when you give my wife her diamond....
So, you really think Tess cna be bought off that easily? Besides, who's gonna drive you?
Drive??? I forgot that part...........:o
jfarnsworth
06-01-2003, 03:12 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Drive??? I forgot that part...........:o
:D :rofl: , Is that Cenile setting in?:rofl: :rofl:
Go ahead, try and steal my wife
I have a new gun I am just dieing to try out......
RCastillo
06-05-2003, 02:12 PM
Originally posted by Seig
Go ahead, try and steal my wife
I have a new gun I am just dieing to try out......
The "Queen of Pain" is too tough for me. I'll just watch from afar........like Texas!:eek:
jfarnsworth
06-07-2003, 05:07 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
The "Queen of Pain" is too tough for me. I'll just watch from afar........like Texas!:eek:
Good idea!!!!!!:eek:
RCastillo
06-08-2003, 03:59 AM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
Good idea!!!!!!:eek:
You don't scare me bud!:p
jfarnsworth
06-08-2003, 09:07 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
You don't scare me bud!:p
Maybe you should be:EG:
RCastillo
06-08-2003, 11:15 PM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
Maybe you should be:EG:
Woooooo, jeepers, creepers........:eek:
jfarnsworth
06-09-2003, 09:36 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Woooooo, jeepers, creepers........:eek:
He He He He He..............yep!!!!!!!!!!:mad:
That does it! You two quit posturing and get your posteriors here in September!
RCastillo
06-13-2003, 10:49 AM
Originally posted by Seig
That does it! You two quit posturing and get your posteriors here in September!
He started it, and now he's gonna follow SGM Parkers words of wisdom, and mediate horizontaly when I see him!:boxing:
jfarnsworth
06-13-2003, 10:06 PM
Originally posted by Seig
That does it! You two quit posturing and get your posteriors here in September!
You know that I will do my best to get there. Everything kind of comes down to this block time at work where we can't take time off.
jfarnsworth
06-13-2003, 10:07 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
He started it, and now he's gonna follow SGM Parkers words of wisdom, and mediate horizontaly when I see him!:boxing:
:eek: :shrug: :mad:
Don't matter, and I'll be ready.:p
RCastillo
06-13-2003, 10:14 PM
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
:eek: :shrug: :mad:
Don't matter, and I'll be ready.:p
Good, pick me up on time. I hate to be late to anything. BTW, Your treat:cool:
Originally posted by RCastillo
He started it, and now he's gonna follow SGM Parkers words of wisdom, and mediate horizontaly when I see him!:boxing:
Don't forget your cup. Last time he was here, Jason got the "Super Secret Super Level 16 Boot to the Groin" training.
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
You know that I will do my best to get there. Everything kind of comes down to this block time at work where we can't take time off.
I thought you had the flu that time of year.:confused:
Originally posted by RCastillo
Good, pick me up on time. I hate to be late to anything. BTW, Your treat:cool:
More than likely, I will be the oen picking you up. What's he treating you to?
RCastillo
06-14-2003, 12:55 AM
Originally posted by Seig
More than likely, I will be the oen picking you up. What's he treating you to?
Whatever I want............:)
Originally posted by RCastillo
Whatever I want............:)
I wash my hands of that part!
RCastillo
06-14-2003, 10:01 AM
Originally posted by Seig
I wash my hands of that part!
Too late............;)
jfarnsworth
06-14-2003, 09:42 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Good, pick me up on time. I hate to be late to anything. BTW, Your treat:cool:
I'm always 99.5 % of the time on time.:asian:
jfarnsworth
06-14-2003, 09:43 PM
Originally posted by RCastillo
Whatever I want............:)
I'll buy you a vanilla coke.
jfarnsworth
06-14-2003, 09:44 PM
Originally posted by Seig
Don't forget your cup. Last time he was here, Jason got the "Super Secret Super Level 16 Boot to the Groin" training.
Bumber, you let the secret out.:eek:
jfarnsworth
06-14-2003, 09:45 PM
Originally posted by Seig
I thought you had the flu that time of year.:confused:
If I must then I must.:)
jfarnsworth
06-14-2003, 09:46 PM
Originally posted by Seig
I wash my hands of that part!
As far as I'm concerned he should be extremely greatful. 1. If you get him from the airport. 2. If you put him up in your place.
Originally posted by jfarnsworth
As far as I'm concerned he should be extremely greatful. 1. If you get him from the airport. 2. If you put him up in your place.
you are absolutely right!
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