I'll take two Black Belt Eagle Scouts please

[Tames D]

I got my two boys, ages 6 and 7 in Karate and Cub Scouts. They recently finished swim lessons and I plan to start em in Little League Baseball and Archery. Am I becoming one of THOSE fathers? You know, the ones that push their kids too hard.

At this point they are interested in all of this and I'm not pushing but I wonder if it will prove to be too much. I especially don't want them to lose interest in Karate. I wonder if it will be overwhelming for me as well. I think the only activity that I will 'enforce' will be Martial Arts. Am I wrong? Just started thinking about this today.

Anyone have any thoughts? Any instructors out there that have kids in their classes that have burned out under these conditions? Any parents in similar situations?

And then of course there's Pop Warner Football just around the corner, lol.

[Phoenix44]

As a mother, a martial artist, and a martial arts instructor, I have to say, yes, it is too much. Karate, cub scouts, baseball, and archery? How about homework? And what about just hanging out, being a kid?

[theletch1]

We have a couple of girls in our school, ages 11 and 13 that we're jokingly taking bets on how long before they both simply implode from all the activities to which they've been signed up. Once burn out sets in their performance will begin to suffer and affect their classmates as well. As long as they don't seem to be having problems doing all the things they WANT to do then keep on keeping on. As for not enforcing any of the activities...I agree. Obviously you aren't going to want them sitting on the couch all day playing video games. Activity of some sort is a must for their physical health alone, not to mention their emotional health. As Phoenix said, they still need time to just be kids.

[Ceicei]

I have two sons who are very involved with many things. I suppose they're involved because I and my husband are involved as well. They're 14 and 12.

I love karate, caving, and target shooting with handguns/rifles. My husband loves motorcycling, ATVing, target shooting, and hunting.

Both sons are into karate, scouts, and target shooting. The oldest loves to go caving, snow skiing, and water waveboarding. He plays on football and soccer leagues and joins the school track team. He used to play the basketball league. The younger son enjoys motorcycling, ATVing, and soccer. He also loves computer gaming and is technically adept, just like his father (his father's occupation and love are computers).

In spite of our busy lives, I do permit all of us "down time" from doing our various activities. It permits us to disconnect at times and sometimes get away from the expectations that are inherit with some certain activities.

My sons know that homework and chores are priorities and these must be done first before all the other stuff.

- Ceicei

[jim777]

Karate/Girls Scouts/Piano-Flute/Soccer/CCD here. Today's kids have waaaay too much to do, certainly more than we ever had. I'd like to see it cut back to just music and Martial Arts myself, but like your boys, my girls want all this stuff at the moment.

I think as long as the kids can take it, leave them in it. They get lots of just "being a kid" stuff during these activities from what I can see. When they start to complain often (not just occasional "I'll miss my TV show" stuff), then I'd take them out. The correlation here is that life itself is also an awful lot more complicated then when we were kids.

I used to play the guitar almost every waking second, and I had Little League baseball; that's it. My parents left work at work, had no cell phones, and no Internet email or buzzers or pagers or whatever. Life was slower for everyone. The stakes have really been raised for all of us. We notice it more in our relationship with our kids (We didn't do all that!) but we semi-ignore how much more we have to do ourselves than our parents did. I guess we should be thinking about our grandkids and the pace that awaits them!!

jim

[charyuop]

Just one little thing...
Be sure to know the difference between what your kids WANT and what your kids WANT BECAUSE.
Since I was a little kid I have never been too much into consumerism, but many kids were and many more are today.
Many kids might show interest in MA because daddy does it, might show interest in Scouts because George the classmate does, want to learn to play guitar because other kids will come near me in school...and so on.
You can easily tell by how much the enjoy what they decide to do if they are doing it because they like it or for any other reason. Of course talking to them to investigate their real intentions is a must by the parents. As Theletch1 said you don't want to wait for them to implode.

Kids need to do everything. Sport, study, reading, play with friends, watch TV, play games that stimulate brain use, play video games and yes even being a couch potato.
It is up to parents to see that kids don't overdo or do too little...

[shesulsa]

I really think you have to have your pulse on how much your kid can handle. Some kids don't have any problems at all being constantly occupied - in fact, if they weren't, they'd likely be disruptive or popping pills for ADHD.

I try to watch my kids for stress symptoms like overtraining, consistent or repetitive illness, depression, anxiety, temperment, grades, attitude, etcetera.

Some kids have a low requirement tolerance threshold and others do just fine for a long while. They'll reach a point where they have to make tough choices and back down a little and you'll know when that time will be.

[terryl965]

Here is my take having three boys the more I have them involved in the less time they have to get into the wrong group, I'm with them always and I try my best to keep an eye on all there activities, which includes MA, skating skate boarding, biking baseball, soccor, and football, they enjoy swimming but that has no comprtition value what so ever just fun, They have about three hours every weekend to spend with the nieghbors kids and then it starts all over again, remember you have to be there as well, so both you and them must agree.

[Phoenix44]

There's a big difference between doing a lot of fun activities, and being involved in a lot of scheduled, organized activities. It's my understanding that we're talking about teams, lessons, classes, leagues, all of which require a time commitment and obligation. They're little boys, for cryin' out loud. Also, are they going to have any religious instruction? What does their mother think, BTW?

[RED]

I myself was very concerned about pushing my children to hard. I had them stick to one sport or hobby for a while. I alwayes said they can do what they want, but then I noticed them becoming TV and Video game junkies. They started to lack ambition in everything. So then I pushed them into triing things, and I don't let them quit until they truely experience what ever it is and put forth an effort in it. Now they pick the things they want to do and they give 100% at it. I say go ahead and push them. But they will need time to be kids and play thier own way. It's a fine line.

As far as Scouts go. Making Eagle has more to it than achieving a rank as a child. Eagle scouts get recognised in the military with rank thus getting more money. Eagle scout on a resume` does wonders. Making that rank will open many doors down the road. I'm nearing 40 and I still put Eagle Scout on my resume`. It's been a real help.

[Touch Of Death]

I got my two boys, ages 6 and 7 in Karate and Cub Scouts. They recently finished swim lessons and I plan to start em in Little League Baseball and Archery. Am I becoming one of THOSE fathers? You know, the ones that push their kids too hard.

At this point they are interested in all of this and I'm not pushing but I wonder if it will prove to be too much. I especially don't want them to lose interest in Karate. I wonder if it will be overwhelming for me as well. I think the only activity that I will 'enforce' will be Martial Arts. Am I wrong? Just started thinking about this today.

Anyone have any thoughts? Any instructors out there that have kids in their classes that have burned out under these conditions? Any parents in similar situations?

And then of course there's Pop Warner Football just around the corner, lol.It would depend on what you were trying to accomplish. Something has to give.
sean

[Touch Of Death]

I myself was very concerned about pushing my children to hard. I had them stick to one sport or hobby for a while. I alwayes said they can do what they want, but then I noticed them becoming TV and Video game junkies. They started to lack ambition in everything. So then I pushed them into triing things, and I don't let them quit until they truely experience what ever it is and put forth an effort in it. Now they pick the things they want to do and they give 100% at it. I say go ahead and push them. But they will need time to be kids and play thier own way. It's a fine line.

As far as Scouts go. Making Eagle has more to it than achieving a rank as a child. Eagle scouts get recognised in the military with rank thus getting more money. Eagle scout on a resume` does wonders. Making that rank will open many doors down the road. I'm nearing 40 and I still put Eagle Scout on my resume`. It's been a real help.
Yeah, my daughter would prefer to eat only popcorn and chocolate if I let her decide "what she wants". LOL

[Tames D]

As a mother, a martial artist, and a martial arts instructor, I have to say, yes, it is too much. Karate, cub scouts, baseball, and archery? How about homework? And what about just hanging out, being a kid?
Ouch. Your gonna really be irritated with me when I tell you I got them their first motorcycles (dirt bike). Snow skis will come this fall.http://martialtalk.com/forum/images/icons/icon7.gif

[Tames D]

We have a couple of girls in our school, ages 11 and 13 that we're jokingly taking bets on how long before they both simply implode from all the activities to which they've been signed up. Once burn out sets in their performance will begin to suffer and affect their classmates as well. As long as they don't seem to be having problems doing all the things they WANT to do then keep on keeping on. As for not enforcing any of the activities...I agree. Obviously you aren't going to want them sitting on the couch all day playing video games. Activity of some sort is a must for their physical health alone, not to mention their emotional health. As Phoenix said, they still need time to just be kids.
I agree and so far it seems ok.

[Tames D]

I have two sons who are very involved with many things. I suppose they're involved because I and my husband are involved as well. They're 14 and 12.

I love karate, caving, and target shooting with handguns/rifles. My husband loves motorcycling, ATVing, target shooting, and hunting.

Both sons are into karate, scouts, and target shooting. The oldest loves to go caving, snow skiing, and water waveboarding. He plays on football and soccer leagues and joins the school track team. He used to play the basketball league. The younger son enjoys motorcycling, ATVing, and soccer. He also loves computer gaming and is technically adept, just like his father (his father's occupation and love are computers).

In spite of our busy lives, I do permit all of us "down time" from doing our various activities. It permits us to disconnect at times and sometimes get away from the expectations that are inherit with some certain activities.

My sons know that homework and chores are priorities and these must be done first before all the other stuff.

- Ceicei
Wow. Sounds like your family has more going on than mine. I'm glad to see you got a handle on it.

[Tames D]

Karate/Girls Scouts/Piano-Flute/Soccer/CCD here. Today's kids have waaaay too much to do, certainly more than we ever had. I'd like to see it cut back to just music and Martial Arts myself, but like your boys, my girls want all this stuff at the moment.

I think as long as the kids can take it, leave them in it. They get lots of just "being a kid" stuff during these activities from what I can see. When they start to complain often (not just occasional "I'll miss my TV show" stuff), then I'd take them out. The correlation here is that life itself is also an awful lot more complicated then when we were kids.

I used to play the guitar almost every waking second, and I had Little League baseball; that's it. My parents left work at work, had no cell phones, and no Internet email or buzzers or pagers or whatever. Life was slower for everyone. The stakes have really been raised for all of us. We notice it more in our relationship with our kids (We didn't do all that!) but we semi-ignore how much more we have to do ourselves than our parents did. I guess we should be thinking about our grandkids and the pace that awaits them!!

jim
That's kinda how I'm playing it right now. It's not like their spending every waking moment with physical activities.

[Tames D]

I really think you have to have your pulse on how much your kid can handle. Some kids don't have any problems at all being constantly occupied - in fact, if they weren't, they'd likely be disruptive or popping pills for ADHD.

I try to watch my kids for stress symptoms like overtraining, consistent or repetitive illness, depression, anxiety, temperment, grades, attitude, etcetera.

Some kids have a low requirement tolerance threshold and others do just fine for a long while. They'll reach a point where they have to make tough choices and back down a little and you'll know when that time will be.
Good advice.

[Tames D]

Here is my take having three boys the more I have them involved in the less time they have to get into the wrong group, I'm with them always and I try my best to keep an eye on all there activities, which includes MA, skating skate boarding, biking baseball, soccor, and football, they enjoy swimming but that has no comprtition value what so ever just fun, They have about three hours every weekend to spend with the nieghbors kids and then it starts all over again, remember you have to be there as well, so both you and them must agree.
Exactly!

[hrlmonkey]

like some of you on here, i teach the arts as well. i've always been able to spot the students in a class who are there because of the parents, not themselves. they are the ones that dont have the interest, obviously no commitment and ultimately they can detract from a class. its never easy to talk to parents and tell them that, until your child has the interest, your money could be used better (yes, i'm one of those instructors - too honest sometimes). sorry if i sound harsh, i dont mean to be nasty if thats how it comes across.

[Tames D]

I myself was very concerned about pushing my children to hard. I had them stick to one sport or hobby for a while. I alwayes said they can do what they want, but then I noticed them becoming TV and Video game junkies. They started to lack ambition in everything. So then I pushed them into triing things, and I don't let them quit until they truely experience what ever it is and put forth an effort in it. Now they pick the things they want to do and they give 100% at it. I say go ahead and push them. But they will need time to be kids and play thier own way. It's a fine line.

As far as Scouts go. Making Eagle has more to it than achieving a rank as a child. Eagle scouts get recognised in the military with rank thus getting more money. Eagle scout on a resume` does wonders. Making that rank will open many doors down the road. I'm nearing 40 and I still put Eagle Scout on my resume`. It's been a real help.
This is where my wife comes in. She's heavily involved in the scouts as a leader. She's a stay at home mom and has a little more time to devote to this with the kids. She's the driving force behind this, and would love to see them become Eagles someday.

[donna]

Having had 5 children, and all of them in various sports and clubs, I have found the most important thing is to keep an eye on the enthusiasm level for each activity. By that I mean the childs enthusiasm for the sport. You as a parent know your child the best ,so look for signs that they arent enjoying it as much, such as reluctance to practise or moodiness before and after an activity. Also listen to their instructors and coaches if they say that interest is waning. I have always emphasised to my kids that they can try any sport or club they want, but they have to really want to do it as I am not going to have the time to push them to train etc.. So far this has worked well , with them at least trying each sport for a season/ year before pulling out or deciding to keep going with it. I have found that as they get older and have more pressure with school and homework, they tend to cut back themselves to one or two of their favourites. I think you need to be open minded and flexible enough to listen to their opinions too.
And it is important to try not to let your own passion and enthusiasm for an activity blind you and make you deaf to your childrens opinions on that same activity.It sometimes helps to get them to talk to an impartial "other person" then you can get feedback without emotion.

[Touch Of Death]

Having had 5 children, and all of them in various sports and clubs, I have found the most important thing is to keep an eye on the enthusiasm level for each activity. By that I mean the childs enthusiasm for the sport. You as a parent know your child the best ,so look for signs that they arent enjoying it as much, such as reluctance to practise or moodiness before and after an activity. Also listen to their instructors and coaches if they say that interest is waning. I have always emphasised to my kids that they can try any sport or club they want, but they have to really want to do it as I am not going to have the time to push them to train etc.. So far this has worked well , with them at least trying each sport for a season/ year before pulling out or deciding to keep going with it. I have found that as they get older and have more pressure with school and homework, they tend to cut back themselves to one or two of their favourites. I think you need to be open minded and flexible enough to listen to their opinions too.
And it is important to try not to let your own passion and enthusiasm for an activity blind you and make you deaf to your childrens opinions on that same activity.It sometimes helps to get them to talk to an impartial "other person" then you can get feedback without emotion.I understand you point but I had a step daughter that decided English was not her favorite subject. My answer, every time she kept saying it, was. "Which language do you suppose they teach your favorite subject in?". My point is that, I wasn't going to let her choose any favorite subject but English. Her opinion was secondary. When does a parent have to let them do what they want? They don't. You still provide the choices... if you are in control.
Sean

[hrlmonkey]

Her opinion was secondary. When does a parent have to let them do what they want? They don't. You still provide the choices... if you are in control.
Sean

this road leads to resentment. i'll also bet that if your parents felt this way, you didn't like it. not good advice for anybody to take on board

[Touch Of Death]

this road leads to resentment. i'll also bet that if your parents felt this way, you didn't like it. not good advice for anybody to take on boardSo you advise that English is unimportant or that a parent not provide choices?

[hrlmonkey]

no, i'm advising that not acknowledging your childs feelings will lead to resentment. your making more of it, than the sum of my wording.
your not providing choices, your enforcing chinese democracy, but you dont see it. you are filling the role of the guardian as you feel neccessary, but i think your not seeing the long term knock on results.

[jim777]

I understand you point but I had a step daughter that decided English was not her favorite subject. My answer, every time she kept saying it, was. "Which language do you suppose they teach your favorite subject in?". Sean

:lol: That's awesome! So help me, if I ever get a chance to use that line I will :)

[donna]

I understand you point but I had a step daughter that decided English was not her favorite subject. My answer, every time she kept saying it, was. "Which language do you suppose they teach your favorite subject in?". My point is that, I wasn't going to let her choose any favorite subject but English. Her opinion was secondary. When does a parent have to let them do what they want? They don't. You still provide the choices... if you are in control.
Sean
While I can appreciate your point of view on such a serious subject such as an English class, I was more pointedly referring to the choices my children were allowed to make in regards to their leisure time. School is always important and needs the guiding hand of a parental point of view, but their leisure time , while guided, should be something for them to feel passionate about , not to feel pressured to do to please someone else.

[KempoFlow]

I think it's a bit much. DS does Karate and Scouts. He did baseball last year, but what we did was cut karate back to two privates a month during the season. It was just enough to keep him up to speed but not excel. Same thing with soccer in the fall.

DD does Karate and Ballet only. She will do soccer in the fall as well. Again we will cut back Karate to privates only for the season.

[Brian R. VanCise]

My kid's are very active and yet I try to find a nice balance for them to be a kid as well. Currently we do piano/guitar, soccer (for one), martial arts and archery. We also make time to do other things like go to museum's, etc. In the past we have done even more. So find the balance that is right for you and your family. That is really the key. http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/images/icons/icon6.gif

[Phoenix44]

Ouch. Your gonna really be irritated with me when I tell you I got them their first motorcycles (dirt bike). Snow skis will come this fall

Nah, I won't be irritated. They're your kids. I'm just a mother. And a pediatrician...

[jim777]

You know when I notice my kids have way too much to do, and no free time? When I ask them to clean their rooms ;) That's when the weight of their schedules and lack of sleep catches up to them. Anything else they're up for, but the "But I'm sooo tired.." always starts when it's time to clean their rooms! :)

jim

[Phoenix44]

Really? My daughter's been cleaning up a storm. Because I just blocked her internet access pending the room clean-up!

[Touch Of Death]

no, i'm advising that not acknowledging your childs feelings will lead to resentment. your making more of it, than the sum of my wording.
your not providing choices, your enforcing chinese democracy, but you dont see it. you are filling the role of the guardian as you feel neccessary, but i think your not seeing the long term knock on results.I'm not with her mom anymore but both openly thank me for being so pushy about thier native toungue. LOL
Sean

[Touch Of Death]

While I can appreciate your point of view on such a serious subject such as an English class, I was more pointedly referring to the choices my children were allowed to make in regards to their leisure time. School is always important and needs the guiding hand of a parental point of view, but their leisure time , while guided, should be something for them to feel passionate about , not to feel pressured to do to please someone else.There are two ways to provide choices: your own actions and passions, and activities you approve of.
Sean

[Ceicei]

Really? My daughter's been cleaning up a storm. Because I just blocked her internet access pending the room clean-up!

I do the same thing with my sons' computer access and their room. That tactic works.... :uhyeah:

- Ceicei