Training Partner Rant

[Jade Tigress]

I just need to vent a little.

I train with this really nice guy and he doesn't mean any harm and he's not being a macho ass or anything like that. When we do our drills he is very intense and in his words, "doesn't go easy on me". We are the same rank but he has been at the level longer than me and is better than me. That being said, he prefers to move very quickly, while I prefer to go more slowly and do the technique properly, rather than go too fast, end up sloppy, and get poor technique into muscle memory.

I understand he is trying to "help" me improve and I appreciate his feedback. However, as most of you know I recently got my nose pierced. It takes 3 months before I can change the jewelry and at a least a year to fully heal. I asked him to be careful of my nose several times. Getting hit in the nose could cause granulomas (small lumps which form around the piercing). It is the most common problem in healing and it usually occurs because the piercing has been knocked, or the jewelry has been taken out and re-inserted damaging the wound.

So anyway, I have asked him several times to not hit my nose. I am learning, these are drills, I'm gonna miss sometimes. I said "aim for the chin, aim for the chin". Well, he has hit me in the nose, hard, on a few occasions and it has made me "gun shy". Pulling back. Then I get the old "don't be afraid to get hit". Well, I'M NOT AFRAID TO GET HIT. I've been hit. I can handle it. I'm afraid of missing while I'M STILL LEARNING A NEW TECHINIQUE AND GETTING HIT IN THE 4 WEEK OLD PIERCING ON MY NOSE!!!

Last night we're training, as I said, he likes to move fast and hard, and I'm trying to move to a slower pace. I got popped hard in the nose. Dammit. So, I keep training, and I'm throwing my punches slower, and he's in a rhythm and anticipating, so I threw a fast punch and hit him right in the mouth. Boy was he surprised. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I could tell it hurt too. heh. :D

He doesn't even make the connection. He actually blamed me saying, "you were going slower and then threw a fast one." Well gee, I was just trying to "help" you train. :angel: Shouldn't be anticipating you know. Don't get into a rhythm. Watch for the punch.

He really doesn't mean any harm, but how the hell do I get across to just let me train. I appreciate the feedback. I appreciate knowing when the technique felt right to him. I appreciate if he switches it up so I don't get into a rhythm. How do I get across that I am there to TRAIN, not get popped to teach me a lesson. Yeah, you know what? I'm learning. I'm gonna miss sometimes, and I don't need the crap beat out of my arms every week because you insist on moving so fast you can't help but bang them.

*sigh*

Rant over.

[Drac]

Try using the exact words in your last paragraph...Looked pretty clear to me...

[IWishToLearn]

I just need to vent a little.

I train with this really nice guy and he doesn't mean any harm and he's not being a macho ass or anything like that. When we do our drills he is very intense and in his words, "doesn't go easy on me". We are the same rank but he has been at the level longer than me and is better than me. That being said, he prefers to move very quickly, while I prefer to go more slowly and do the technique properly, rather than go too fast, end up sloppy, and get poor technique into muscle memory.

I understand he is trying to "help" me improve and I appreciate his feedback. However, as most of you know I recently got my nose pierced. It takes 3 months before I can change the jewelry and at a least a year to fully heal. I asked him to be careful of my nose several times. Getting hit in the nose could cause granulomas (small lumps which form around the piercing). It is the most common problem in healing and it usually occurs because the piercing has been knocked, or the jewelry has been taken out and re-inserted damaging the wound.

So anyway, I have asked him several times to not hit my nose. I am learning, these are drills, I'm gonna miss sometimes. I said "aim for the chin, aim for the chin". Well, he has hit me in the nose, hard, on a few occasions and it has made me "gun shy". Pulling back. Then I get the old "don't be afraid to get hit". Well, I'M NOT AFRAID TO GET HIT. I've been hit. I can handle it. I'm afraid of missing while I'M STILL LEARNING A NEW TECHINIQUE AND GETTING HIT IN THE 4 WEEK OLD PIERCING ON MY NOSE!!!

Last night we're training, as I said, he likes to move fast and hard, and I'm trying to move to a slower pace. I got popped hard in the nose. Dammit. So, I keep training, and I'm throwing my punches slower, and he's in a rhythm and anticipating, so I threw a fast punch and hit him right in the mouth. Boy was he surprised. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I could tell it hurt too. heh. :D

He doesn't even make the connection. He actually blamed me saying, "you were going slower and then threw a fast one." Well gee, I was just trying to "help" you train. :angel: Shouldn't be anticipating you know. Don't get into a rhythm. Watch for the punch.

He really doesn't mean any harm, but how the hell do I get across to just let me train. I appreciate the feedback. I appreciate knowing when the technique felt right to him. I appreciate if he switches it up so I don't get into a rhythm. How do I get across that I am there to TRAIN, not get popped to teach me a lesson. Yeah, you know what? I'm learning. I'm gonna miss sometimes, and I don't need the crap beat out of my arms every week because you insist on moving so fast you can't help but bang them.

*sigh*

Rant over.

I'm in agreement with Drac! That's EXACTLY how you should tell him. :)

[Jade Tigress]

Thanks guys. I've tried, really. I've told him I'm not afraid to get hit. I told him I've been hit before. His reply? "How long has it been?" Like I forgot what it feels like. :rolleyes: I've repeatedly said, "Aim for the chin! Aim for the chin!"

Anyway, I have tried being very clear with him, but he is not getting it. Plus, part of it is his own lack of control that he may be trying to cover with "not going easy on me".

But damn, it felt good to get that out! :D

[bluemtn]

I just need to vent a little.

He really doesn't mean any harm, but how the hell do I get across to just let me train. I appreciate the feedback. I appreciate knowing when the technique felt right to him. I appreciate if he switches it up so I don't get into a rhythm. How do I get across that I am there to TRAIN, not get popped to teach me a lesson. Yeah, you know what? I'm learning. I'm gonna miss sometimes, and I don't need the crap beat out of my arms every week because you insist on moving so fast you can't help but bang them.

*sigh*

Rant over.


Try using the exact words in your last paragraph...Looked pretty clear to me...

Go ahead and rant, and tell him what you just said in your last paragraph. I'd think that he would've been a bit more understanding about a new piercing, and not aim for the nose! Also, you are supposed to switch up the pace some... Of course, I don't do your art, so therefore don't know exactly what it entails....

[chinto01]

I agree with what the others have said. If that does not work talk to your instructor and hopefully they will help fix it.

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

[jdinca]

Ditto! Get in his face and don't be nice about it. You've tried that and it didn't work. If he persists, you may need to change up your speed more often. If he pops you in the nose again, an "accidental" groin shot may be required. "Oh, I'm so sorry, did that hurt?" :angel:

[rutherford]

"I train with this really nice guy . . ."

That's the only part of your post that surprised me. I assume you mean outside of class.

If it's at all an option I would just refuse to train with him. You've already told him what you expect out of training. He apparently thinks he knows better and won't listen. So don't waste anymore time on him.

[Tames D]

Ditto! Get in his face and don't be nice about it. You've tried that and it didn't work. If he persists, you may need to change up your speed more often. If he pops you in the nose again, an "accidental" groin shot may be required. "Oh, I'm so sorry, did that hurt?" :angel:
Yeah but you gotta be careful with the groin shots. He may have a piercing down therehttp://www.martialtalk.com/forum/images/icons/icon7.gif.

[Brian King]

Both consciously and subconsciously many people use speed and power and momentum as a way of dealing with their fear. Understanding this it becomes easier to deal with people who are training at an inappropriate training speed. One quote I like to keep in mind is from Jim King “Fear loses power when you see opportunity”. Talking to your training partner and stressing that slow is for learning and fast is for testing. When learning how to drive a car or ride a motorcycle no sane person starts out with a world class racer going all out or even half speed. I feel the same should be true in combat arts. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast is a very old training axiom that has been proven time and time again. Fast and sloppy can get you or others killed. Many people work on speed when instead their time might be better used working on timing. Your timing can improve as you age while speed usually slows and in reality speed is often compensation for poor timing. Your partners lack of control is more than robbing you of valuable training time and lessons but is also creating bad habits by reinforcing a fear response in you and reinforcing his ego as he sees you flinch and get angered, exactly opposite of which lessons should be absorbed and worked on, and that should not be tolerated by either one of you.

While I do not like training wearing protective gear in this case I might recommend that you wear one of those nose guards like some of the NBA players do. Do not wear it all the time just with those that lack control and let them know you are wearing it just because they do lack the control.

Good luck
Brian King

[kidswarrior]

"I train with this really nice guy . . ."

That's the only part of your post that surprised me. I assume you mean outside of class.

If it's at all an option I would just refuse to train with him. You've already told him what you expect out of training. He apparently thinks he knows better and won't listen. So don't waste anymore time on him.

One reason we train slowly in San Soo is this very thing. Going too fast/too hard can (1) cause someone to be sloppy--or, if s.o. is already sloppy, as you said, they try to cover it with speed; (2) cause serious injuries. My last one was a mashed nerve running through the cervical vertabrae to the arm, all because a higher ranking belt thought he had to show me how a particular neck crank would feel. Now understand, I never go to the doctor anymore for these things, but when my whole arm went numb about a week later, decided to make an exception. Took three months of physical therapy (my first time--wasn't so bad :)), etc., and two years later I still/will always have permanent damage.

Talking to that guy would have been a waste of time. The instructor in charge has a se la vie attitude to injuries. So, no talking there, either.

I could have later hurt him in retaliation, to prove his belt doesn't impress me and wouldn't save him (and I don't mean just a shot to the mouth or groin--those are just part of training, slight corrections, if you will :D; I mean, hurt as in s.th. I'd be sorry for, for a long time). But that's just not me. I'm not in this to hurt people, just as you aren't JadeTigress, and just as most of the people on this board are not.

So, my solution? I just won't ever work with him again. Would I prefer to hurt him? :angry: Oh, Yeah. But I'd feel bad later, because his action really just grew out of his own insecurity. And ya' know what? He's right. He's not as good as he thinks (I'm not either, but I'm determined ;)). So, this guy is foolish and lives with the deep-down notion that he's not as 'bad' as his belt proclaims him to be. That just has to be good enough for me, and I have to move on--without him. :cool:

End of my own rant, I guess....:soapbox: But just trying to say, I get it and empathize.

[Flying Crane]

I assume you have told him exactly, and very clearly, WHY you don't want to get hit in the nose? That the piercing is new, and getting hit could cause complications in the healing process? Maybe tell him again, and insist that he repeat back to you exactly what you just told him...if he hits you again, make him repeat it again. Then, maybe just refuse to work with him.

[JBrainard]

So, I keep training, and I'm throwing my punches slower, and he's in a rhythm and anticipating, so I threw a fast punch and hit him right in the mouth. Boy was he surprised. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I could tell it hurt too. heh. :D

"RAWR" indeed :)


If that does not work talk to your instructor and hopefully they will help fix it.

That's what I would suggest.

[morph4me]

Both consciously and subconsciously many people use speed and power and momentum as a way of dealing with their fear. Understanding this it becomes easier to deal with people who are training at an inappropriate training speed. One quote I like to keep in mind is from Jim King “Fear loses power when you see opportunity”. Talking to your training partner and stressing that slow is for learning and fast is for testing. When learning how to drive a car or ride a motorcycle no sane person starts out with a world class racer going all out or even half speed. I feel the same should be true in combat arts. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast is a very old training axiom that has been proven time and time again. Fast and sloppy can get you or others killed. Many people work on speed when instead their time might be better used working on timing. Your timing can improve as you age while speed usually slows and in reality speed is often compensation for poor timing. Your partners lack of control is more than robbing you of valuable training time and lessons but is also creating bad habits by reinforcing a fear response in you and reinforcing his ego as he sees you flinch and get angered, exactly opposite of which lessons should be absorbed and worked on, and that should not be tolerated by either one of you.

While I do not like training wearing protective gear in this case I might recommend that you wear one of those nose guards like some of the NBA players do. Do not wear it all the time just with those that lack control and let them know you are wearing it just because they do lack the control.

Good luck
Brian King


I agree, I am a proponent of trainng slowly and using proper technique, and I especially like the idea of wearing protection with someone to show you dont trust him because he lacks control, actions speak louder than words. Good luck.

[Jade Tigress]

If he persists, you may need to change up your speed more often. If he pops you in the nose again, an "accidental" groin shot may be required. "Oh, I'm so sorry, did that hurt?" :angel:

LMAO! Seriously, that thought actually crossed my mind. :lol:


"I train with this really nice guy . . ."

That's the only part of your post that surprised me. I assume you mean outside of class.

Actually, I meant that as it's not like he trying to prove how tough he is cuz he's training with a girl, like some guys do. I have to say, I have been fortunate enough in my training so far as not to have encountered guys like that. Though I've heard other woman have to deal with it in training. And I also mean that his intentions are good, he's not being an ass, he and I just have a different view of what we think training should be.


If it's at all an option I would just refuse to train with him. You've already told him what you expect out of training. He apparently thinks he knows better and won't listen. So don't waste anymore time on him.

Unfortunately, not training with him is not an option. I'd rather train the drills with a partner than by myself.


Yeah but you gotta be careful with the groin shots. He may have a piercing down there

Ummmmm....definitely NOT the type. LOL!


Both consciously and subconsciously many people use speed and power and momentum as a way of dealing with their fear. Understanding this it becomes easier to deal with people who are training at an inappropriate training speed. One quote I like to keep in mind is from Jim King “Fear loses power when you see opportunity”. Talking to your training partner and stressing that slow is for learning and fast is for testing. When learning how to drive a car or ride a motorcycle no sane person starts out with a world class racer going all out or even half speed. I feel the same should be true in combat arts. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast is a very old training axiom that has been proven time and time again. Fast and sloppy can get you or others killed. Many people work on speed when instead their time might be better used working on timing. Your timing can improve as you age while speed usually slows and in reality speed is often compensation for poor timing. Your partners lack of control is more than robbing you of valuable training time and lessons but is also creating bad habits by reinforcing a fear response in you and reinforcing his ego as he sees you flinch and get angered, exactly opposite of which lessons should be absorbed and worked on, and that should not be tolerated by either one of you.

While I do not like training wearing protective gear in this case I might recommend that you wear one of those nose guards like some of the NBA players do. Do not wear it all the time just with those that lack control and let them know you are wearing it just because they do lack the control.

Good luck
Brian King




Excellent points Brian, and something my training partner does not understand. He thinks faster is better. The assistant instructor has told him to slow down on occasion but, just like when I tell him to watch the nose, he quickly forgets and gets into his own little "I'm training so hard" zone.

I do appreciate all the advice. I'm going to ask my Sifu for suggestions. :asian:

[DavidCC]

It was your choice to get the nose piercing - a cosmetic procedure that has made it difficult for you to train properly, and made you into someone who is not a good partner to train with while it heals. Didn't you know before it was done about these time frames and problems it would present for proper training? If so, then you clearly priortized the nose piercing over your training. Now you want to have it both ways, and blame your partner because you can't.

Maybe you should not go to class until the 3 months is up.

If you had an injury that led to the same restrictions, would you still be training while it healed? Say, if you had broken finger or something... ? Would yo be mad if your partner accidentally hurt your broken finger, or would you think "well, that's what I get for training while injured".

please don't be offended, I'm just telling you how I, as a teacher, would approach a student with the same issue.

-David

[Jade Tigress]

It was your choice to get the nose piercing - a cosmetic procedure that has made it difficult for you to train properly, and made you into someone who is not a good partner to train with while it heals. Didn't you know before it was done about these time frames and problems it would present for proper training? If so, then you clearly priortized the nose piercing over your training. Now you want to have it both ways, and blame your partner because you can't.

Maybe you should not go to class until the 3 months is up.

If you had an injury that led to the same restrictions, would you still be training while it healed? Say, if you had broken finger or something... ? Would yo be mad if your partner accidentally hurt your broken finger, or would you think "well, that's what I get for training while injured".

please don't be offended, I'm just telling you how I, as a teacher, would approach a student with the same issue.

-David

Yes I did know. And getting hit in the nose is not a normal part of training if done properly. I'm not sparring. It's a DRILL, it's supposed to be controlled. And yes, I choose a cosmetic procedure for personal reasons just as I choose to train in martial arts for personal reasons. I don't think one has to negate the other. Would I care about getting hit the nose if I was in a street fight or trying to defend myself? HELL NO! But this is TRAINING so that I CAN avoid being hit in a real life situation. I mean heck, I don't go around kicking guys in the nuts full out in training like I would if I were actually defending myself. I CONTROL it. To me, this is more about courtesy and control than it is "training with an injury".

[Jade Tigress]

Good God you guys are fast! KW, FC, JB, and Morph, all cross-posted with me.


FC, yeah, I told him. He's not purposefully hitting me in the nose, but it's happening anyway. He's hitting me because he's going too fast and can't control it. Then when I miss, he covers his lack of control with "you can't be afraid to get hit" or the old, "don't watch my hand", etc, where he starts coaching me on missing his uncontrolled punch.

[MarkBarlow]

Yes I did know. And getting hit in the nose is not a normal part of training if done properly. I'm not sparring. It's a DRILL, it's supposed to be controlled. And yes, I choose a cosmetic procedure for personal reasons just as I choose to train in martial arts for personal reasons. I don't think one has to negate the other. Would I care about getting hit the nose if I was in a street fight or trying to defend myself? HELL NO! But this is TRAINING so that I CAN avoid being hit in a real life situation. I mean heck, I don't go around kicking guys in the nuts full out in training like I would if I were actually defending myself. I CONTROL it. To me, this is more about courtesy and control than it is "training with an injury".

I think you're completely within your rights to request structure for drills. As you said, there already exists an unspoken agreement for you not to punt his chestnuts up into this throat. Maybe an occasionaly punt might make him appreciate how good natured you've been.

[Flying Crane]

Good God you guys are fast! KW, FC, JB, and Morph, all cross-posted with me.


FC, yeah, I told him. He's not purposefully hitting me in the nose, but it's happening anyway. He's hitting me because he's going too fast and can't control it. Then when I miss, he covers his lack of control with "you can't be afraid to get hit" or the old, "don't watch my hand", etc, where he starts coaching me on missing his uncontrolled punch.


Yeah, I dunno. Either he can get it into his head to not hit you in the nose, or you just can't work with him for now.

Davidcc has made a valid point on one hand, but on the other, it doesn't seem to me like something that can't be worked with. If you had an injury, like a broken finger or bruised ribs, I think you could train thru it and reasonably expect your classmates to use some extra caution. Same thing here, the only difference is that you chose this one for yourself. Some people you just can't work with. They are in their own world.

[Em MacIntosh]

So far, it sounds to me like you've been lucky. I've seen someone lose a nose ring the hard way (hooked and ripped clean through the nostril) in a sparring accident. I think it hooked on the glove or finger or something to that effect. The class was taking it slow too. It sounds like you are compassionate and understanding, so you don't want to become bitter or resentful toward each other. I would suggest clearly stating the possibilities of severity of the injury and give him an ultimatum if necessary. If anyone counters with the "then why do you come to class with a piercing? Why don't you take it out?" or "that's why we don't get piercings in ___" [not sure what martial art you take, but you mentioned a sifu, so I'm assuming some kind of wushu (yes, kung fu)], then I suggest telling them that it's the 21st century and that you have a life as well, not to mention that you DO take it seriously. All I can reccomend is to be diplomatic and assertive. It might, unfortunately, just be one of those problems that there is no un-painful solution. Best of luck to you.

[jdinca]

Yeah but you gotta be careful with the groin shots. He may have a piercing down therehttp://www.martialtalk.com/forum/images/icons/icon7.gif.

:xtrmshock I've never understood that...

[Jade Tigress]

Well guys, I logged off for a while and wondered if I was being whiney baby.

Ya know, I'm really easy to get along with and I don't make a habit of whining or complaining. I have gotten lightly tapped on the nose by others and you know what? No big deal. It was controlled. But last night, after 4 weeks of asking him to AIM FOR THE CHIN, I got HIT, not tapped, HIT hard on the nose. Is it too much to ask to use a little control and aim for the chin, or am I really whining more than venting? And be honest. The last thing I want is to be a cry baby. If you see it, tell me and I'll shut up and deal with it.

Em MacIntosh, I am training Southern Praying Mantis kung fu. And yes, this is the 21st century and I do have a life. :)

Thanks again everybody, for your words of wisdom and giving me some things to think about. Rant done. Whining done. Crying done. :asian:

[kidswarrior]

Well guys, I logged off for a while and wondered if I was being whiney baby.

Is it too much to ask to use a little control and aim for the chin, or am I really whining more than venting? And be honest. The last thing I want is to be a cry baby. If you see it, tell me and I'll shut up and deal with it.

No, you're not whining. No, it's not too much to ask. If the guy doesn't have the control for doing light drills, he probably shouldn't be making any contact at all. If he were my student and I saw what you're describing, especially for several weeks, I would warn him in very strong terms, and failing that, probably tell him No Contact until he progresses further in his skill level. JMHO.

[Bigshadow]

That being said, he prefers to move very quickly, while I prefer to go more slowly and do the technique properly, rather than go too fast, end up sloppy, and get poor technique into muscle memory.


Sounds like your doing it right to me! http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/images/icons/icon14.gif I believe he should be matching your speed. If you are going at one speed and he another, that is a problem.




Last night we're training, as I said, he likes to move fast and hard, and I'm trying to move to a slower pace. I got popped hard in the nose. Dammit. So, I keep training, and I'm throwing my punches slower, and he's in a rhythm and anticipating, so I threw a fast punch and hit him right in the mouth. Boy was he surprised. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I could tell it hurt too. heh. :D


Great! Good for you! He needs to be matching your speed. Just how good is he, really? To be honest here... I would question his control if he cannot match your speed JMO.



He doesn't even make the connection. He actually blamed me saying, "you were going slower and then threw a fast one."


Another clue, he doesn't recognize he is doing the same thing...



He really doesn't mean any harm, but how the hell do I get across to just let me train. I appreciate the feedback.


In my honest opinion he isn't helping your training at all. I don't know how much I would appreciate his feedback under the circumstances.



Yeah, you know what? I'm learning. I'm gonna miss sometimes, and I don't need the crap beat out of my arms every week because you insist on moving so fast you can't help but bang them.



Just be blunt, I would. Tell him first, match your speed or go slower. Then follow that up with what you said toward the end (above). If that don't work. Switch partners.

Just my opinions (not knowing your art).

Did I say "match your speed" too many times? :p

[DavidCC]

I'm guess I'm wondering - if he had shown perfection in control and targeting and target penetration etc until you got pierced, and now suddenly he has lost control? Maybe he just finds it too sexy and can't concentrate :D

if his control was never that good, and it just hurts more now because of the new piercing, then this really has nothing at all to do with the piercing...


-D

[Kacey]

I do appreciate all the advice. I'm going to ask my Sifu for suggestions. :asian:

See, this is where I'd have started! While I do understand Brian's point - I have trained with injuries, and my sahbum was very clear about what level of control he expected from partners when one person was injured. The last person with a fresh piercing (and it was her nose, as I recall) was asked to put a small bandaid over it, both as a minor protection and as a visual reminder to others - the bandaid was a lot more visible than the stud.

[Steel Tiger]

Well guys, I logged off for a while and wondered if I was being whiney baby.

Ya know, I'm really easy to get along with and I don't make a habit of whining or complaining. I have gotten lightly tapped on the nose by others and you know what? No big deal. It was controlled. But last night, after 4 weeks of asking him to AIM FOR THE CHIN, I got HIT, not tapped, HIT hard on the nose. Is it too much to ask to use a little control and aim for the chin, or am I really whining more than venting? And be honest. The last thing I want is to be a cry baby. If you see it, tell me and I'll shut up and deal with it.

Em MacIntosh, I am training Southern Praying Mantis kung fu. And yes, this is the 21st century and I do have a life. :)

Thanks again everybody, for your words of wisdom and giving me some things to think about. Rant done. Whining done. Crying done. :asian:

You know, the first thing that occurred to me was brought on by you saying your both the same rank, but he has been at the level longer.

My thought was this; perhaps there is some kind of resentment of your quick progress, not conscious, and possibly your deliberate learning style is revealing some weaknesses in his technique which are exacerbating that resentment. The result bing he is not listening when you ask him to avoid your nose.

Just a thought.

[morph4me]

I still think that doing your drills with everyone else without safety gear, and then putting it on when you have to work with him will send a visible message, to everyone, and maybe it will sink in.

[exile]

You know, the first thing that occurred to me was brought on by you saying your both the same rank, but he has been at the level longer.

My thought was this; perhaps there is some kind of resentment of your quick progress, not conscious, and possibly your deliberate learning style is revealing some weaknesses in his technique which are exacerbating that resentment. The result bing he is not listening when you ask him to avoid your nose.

Just a thought.

Pam, I think that Kidswarrior, Flying Crane and a number of other people have made very pertinent and constructive observations. But this post of ST's really nails what may be the actual problem. Look at it this way: you'd have said something to us if this guy was, um, a bit thick or a few bricks short of a load, right? So I think we're allowed to assume that the problem isn't a shortage of normal intelligence. Yet here's something you've been saying to him for weeks, that you might as well have been telling him in Greek, for all the attention he pays to it. But it can't be that he doesn't really understand what you've been saying. So the most likely conclusion is that he's deliberately disregarding it. I'm not saying he's doing that consciously... but somehow the information doesn't wind up affecting his choice of how to drill with you.

The only way I can make any sense of this is to imagine something along the lines that Steel Tiger's suggesting. He's trying to show you something, all right—that you have no business being at the same rank as he is after having spent a good deal less time to get to that point than he has. Again, almost certainly not consciously. But I'd love to bet everything I own, at even odds, that that's a big part of what's involved.

This creates a problem for you, because if it's really the case that that's what's going on, he's not gonna stop, and nothing you can do or say is going to get through to him. I suspect it's time to call in help from the top. You really can't afford to get injured near that piercing, and this guy sounds as though his ruffled ego is a more important consideration to him than your safety and well-being. :angry:

I really, really hope that you'll reconsider working with him in future...

[IWishToLearn]

Heh yo Ex clear out yer pm's mang. :)

On a totally unrelated note - everything in moderation, with emphasis on reality training. :)

[exile]

Heh yo Ex clear out yer pm's mang. :)

Sorry Steve—second time today I've been admonished—it's been a very hectic day, been doing hit and run posting... the weekend will give me a bit of breathing space... meanwhile, will clean out my locker pronto...

[Tez3]

Pam, I think that Kidswarrior, Flying Crane and a number of other people have made very pertinent and constructive observations. But this post of ST's really nails what may be the actual problem. Look at it this way: you'd have said something to us if this guy was, um, a bit thick or a few bricks short of a load, right? So I think we're allowed to assume that the problem isn't a shortage of normal intelligence. Yet here's something you've been saying to him for weeks, that you might as well have been telling him in Greek, for all the attention he pays to it. But it can't be that he doesn't really understand what you've been saying. So the most likely conclusion is that he's deliberately disregarding it. I'm not saying he's doing that consciously... but somehow the information doesn't wind up affecting his choice of how to drill with you.

The only way I can make any sense of this is to imagine something along the lines that Steel Tiger's suggesting. He's trying to show you something, all right—that you have no business being at the same rank as he is after having spent a good deal less time to get to that point than he has. Again, almost certainly not consciously. But I'd love to bet everything I own, at even odds, that that's a big part of what's involved.

This creates a problem for you, because if it's really the case that that's what's going on, he's not gonna stop, and nothing you can do or say is going to get through to him. I suspect it's time to call in help from the top. You really can't afford to get injured near that piercing, and this guy sounds as though his ruffled ego is a more important consideration to him than your safety and well-being. :angry:

I really, really hope that you'll reconsider working with him in future...


Exile, excellent post! ( tried to give rep but said I couldn't, sorry!)

I think some posters have been too severe on Jade Tigress who is most definitely not whinging! Okay the piercing is a choice but what on earth is wrong with a little consideration? Certainly if I were asked not to hit a certain part of the anatomy for whatever reason whether sparring or doing techniques I don't see any reason why I wouldn't respect that request. It's not as big a deal as some posters seem to think it is. A couple of our guys have had nipples pierced ( ouch!) and as we do MMA we've gone easy on their chests until it's healed but no one has got po faced about it!

[Laurentkd]

Thanks guys. I've tried, really. I've told him I'm not afraid to get hit. I told him I've been hit before. His reply? "How long has it been?" Like I forgot what it feels like. :rolleyes: I've repeatedly said, "Aim for the chin! Aim for the chin!"

Anyway, I have tried being very clear with him, but he is not getting it. Plus, part of it is his own lack of control that he may be trying to cover with "not going easy on me".

But damn, it felt good to get that out! :D


Do you know if he DOES aim for the chin?? Because if he is and he is hitting your nose everytime he is the one that needs to slow down so he can actually hit the target he is aiming for. Figure out a way to use that to your advantage. Ask him to aim for the chin, and when he hits you in the nose call him on it. Somehow make him realize he is the one that needs to slow down because he is completely missing the target he is aiming for. My juices don't seem to be flowing right now, I can't think of a creative way to get him to realize this, maybe someone else can pick this up and follow through with some proper advice....

If you can at least get him to aim for the chin and actually hit the chin, you'll still have to deal with getting hit, but at least you have taken care of problem one by not getting hit in the nose!

[Laurentkd]

Pam, I think that Kidswarrior, Flying Crane and a number of other people have made very pertinent and constructive observations. But this post of ST's really nails what may be the actual problem. Look at it this way: you'd have said something to us if this guy was, um, a bit thick or a few bricks short of a load, right? So I think we're allowed to assume that the problem isn't a shortage of normal intelligence. Yet here's something you've been saying to him for weeks, that you might as well have been telling him in Greek, for all the attention he pays to it. But it can't be that he doesn't really understand what you've been saying. So the most likely conclusion is that he's deliberately disregarding it. I'm not saying he's doing that consciously... but somehow the information doesn't wind up affecting his choice of how to drill with you.

The only way I can make any sense of this is to imagine something along the lines that Steel Tiger's suggesting. He's trying to show you something, all right—that you have no business being at the same rank as he is after having spent a good deal less time to get to that point than he has. Again, almost certainly not consciously. But I'd love to bet everything I own, at even odds, that that's a big part of what's involved.

This creates a problem for you, because if it's really the case that that's what's going on, he's not gonna stop, and nothing you can do or say is going to get through to him. I suspect it's time to call in help from the top. You really can't afford to get injured near that piercing, and this guy sounds as though his ruffled ego is a more important consideration to him than your safety and well-being. :angry:

I really, really hope that you'll reconsider working with him in future...


I should have read all the posts before posting! I think this (and others) are right on. Hope it all works out!!

[Tez3]

Do you know if he DOES aim for the chin?? Because if he is and he is hitting your nose everytime he is the one that needs to slow down so he can actually hit the target he is aiming for. Figure out a way to use that to your advantage. Ask him to aim for the chin, and when he hits you in the nose call him on it. Somehow make him realize he is the one that needs to slow down because he is completely missing the target he is aiming for. My juices don't seem to be flowing right now, I can't think of a creative way to get him to realize this, maybe someone else can pick this up and follow through with some proper advice....

If you can at least get him to aim for the chin and actually hit the chin, you'll still have to deal with getting hit, but at least you have taken care of problem one by not getting hit in the nose!


How about hitting him on the chin a lot (hard!) and saying everytime, this is a chin, this is a chin lol!

[Xue Sheng]

He really doesn't mean any harm, but how the hell do I get across to just let me train. I appreciate the feedback. I appreciate knowing when the technique felt right to him. I appreciate if he switches it up so I don't get into a rhythm. How do I get across that I am there to TRAIN, not get popped to teach me a lesson. Yeah, you know what? I'm learning. I'm gonna miss sometimes, and I don't need the crap beat out of my arms every week because you insist on moving so fast you can't help but bang them.

*sigh*

Rant over.

Jade

SPM or not, exactly where is the school located, what time is class and what is his name….. never mind I don’t need his name… to me he is just another tree.:EG:

Sorry I missed this post and did not respond sooner

You have got some good advice here and my only answer is to explain the situation to him in GREAT detail, but it sounds like you have already done this. And if that fails…well…. hit back…often and hard. Also you may want to discuss this with your sifu as well.

Yes it is a martial arts class and yes WE all want reality but the reality is that speed does not make up for bad form or lack of control and the “You can’t be afraid to be hit” stuff gets old FAST from the person that is hitting you due to his lack of control.

Your training partner need to slow down so he can understand the applications that he is doing and gain the control needed to actually use them should the need ever arise.

It sounds, at least to me that he does not have a grasp on the applications you are training. That or he is clueless as to the applications you are training.

I am going to ask you a couple of questions and please be completely honest here and do not be humble about it. And I do not expect you to answer, just think about it and answer it to yourself.

He has been there longer than you and you are both at the same rank

How long did it take him to get to this rank and how long did it take you?

Did he not get promoted last time for some reason or was he not tested?

Are you better or as good at SPM that he is?

I am wondering, the nice guy stuff aside, if there is not a little unfriendly competition going on here since you have already told him what you do NOT want him to do and it continues.

[Xue Sheng]

Pam

Interesting thing happened in Xingyi today.

My sifu was telling us all to slow down. We need to get the foundation first we need to work on the technique. If we do that power and speed will follow. But speed without technique is messy and without power.

Maybe your training partner need to think about this as well

Just thought I should post that here.

XS

[mantis]

I just need to vent a little.

I train with this really nice guy and he doesn't mean any harm and he's not being a macho ass or anything like that. When we do our drills he is very intense and in his words, "doesn't go easy on me". We are the same rank but he has been at the level longer than me and is better than me. That being said, he prefers to move very quickly, while I prefer to go more slowly and do the technique properly, rather than go too fast, end up sloppy, and get poor technique into muscle memory.

I understand he is trying to "help" me improve and I appreciate his feedback. However, as most of you know I recently got my nose pierced. It takes 3 months before I can change the jewelry and at a least a year to fully heal. I asked him to be careful of my nose several times. Getting hit in the nose could cause granulomas (small lumps which form around the piercing). It is the most common problem in healing and it usually occurs because the piercing has been knocked, or the jewelry has been taken out and re-inserted damaging the wound.

So anyway, I have asked him several times to not hit my nose. I am learning, these are drills, I'm gonna miss sometimes. I said "aim for the chin, aim for the chin". Well, he has hit me in the nose, hard, on a few occasions and it has made me "gun shy". Pulling back. Then I get the old "don't be afraid to get hit". Well, I'M NOT AFRAID TO GET HIT. I've been hit. I can handle it. I'm afraid of missing while I'M STILL LEARNING A NEW TECHINIQUE AND GETTING HIT IN THE 4 WEEK OLD PIERCING ON MY NOSE!!!

Last night we're training, as I said, he likes to move fast and hard, and I'm trying to move to a slower pace. I got popped hard in the nose. Dammit. So, I keep training, and I'm throwing my punches slower, and he's in a rhythm and anticipating, so I threw a fast punch and hit him right in the mouth. Boy was he surprised. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I could tell it hurt too. heh. :D

He doesn't even make the connection. He actually blamed me saying, "you were going slower and then threw a fast one." Well gee, I was just trying to "help" you train. :angel: Shouldn't be anticipating you know. Don't get into a rhythm. Watch for the punch.

He really doesn't mean any harm, but how the hell do I get across to just let me train. I appreciate the feedback. I appreciate knowing when the technique felt right to him. I appreciate if he switches it up so I don't get into a rhythm. How do I get across that I am there to TRAIN, not get popped to teach me a lesson. Yeah, you know what? I'm learning. I'm gonna miss sometimes, and I don't need the crap beat out of my arms every week because you insist on moving so fast you can't help but bang them.

*sigh*

Rant over.

wear something to cover your nose like basketball players wear. Also hit him in the nuts a few times, fast and hard so it jogs his brains a bit and makes him start thinking of what you said to him. and also say "dont afraid to be hit".

[Xue Sheng]

wear something to cover your nose like basketball players wear. Also hit him in the nuts a few times, fast and hard so it jogs his brains a bit and makes him start thinking of what you said to him. and also say "dont afraid to be hit".

Oh man that’s a GREAT idea.... I suggest a fencing mask.... I hit one of those bad boys just lightly and kidding around once.... DAMN that thing cut my knuckles all to hell, and that was just with a light tap.

And DEFINITLY… you have to constantly say "don’t afraid to be hit". :uhyeah:

[Jade Tigress]

How about hitting him on the chin a lot (hard!) and saying everytime, this is a chin, this is a chin lol!


never mind I don’t need his name… to me he is just another tree.:EG:




wear something to cover your nose like basketball players wear. Also hit him in the nuts a few times, fast and hard so it jogs his brains a bit and makes him start thinking of what you said to him. and also say "dont afraid to be hit".




Oh man that’s a GREAT idea.... I suggest a fencing mask.... I hit one of those bad boys just lightly and kidding around once.... DAMN that thing cut my knuckles all to hell, and that was just with a light tap.

And DEFINITLY… you have to constantly say "don’t afraid to be hit". :uhyeah:



:lfao:

OMG! You all are just too funny! :D

XS - Thanks for the thought provoking posts. I really think that's the key to the whole thing. I get the impression he thinks faster=better, and when he finds he can't do "fast" he tries redirecting the focus to my weaknesses.

:asian: to all.

[Brian King]

A couple of quick thoughts as it is lunch right now in the middle of a combat hapkido seminar and I am hungry LOL

Some have put forth the theory that your training partner is feeling self conscious or envious that it has taken you less time to achieve the same rank as it took him. I have never been involved in a martial art that had/have belts or ranks so I will bow to their collective opinion that this may indeed be the case. I would like to put out another theory which may or may not be a symptom of the conflict here with the training partners. Some people have a hard time understanding what it is to be a good training partner. We hear things like the training must be ‘alive’ training, that there has to be resistance, the attack must be honest and other objectives on which to base opinion on whether an attack was good or not. Perhaps the training partner has had it put into his head that for an attack to be good it must be fast? This is the case sometimes but not all attacks should be approached the same as the goal of the exercise often differs from what a fast attack can train at least at first.

So basically perhaps having a light conversation with the training partner to find out what he considers a ‘good’ attack must consist of and see if his understanding and yours match and then discussing the differences of opinion if any may help the drills become more beneficial for both partners.

Brian King

[Tez3]

wear something to cover your nose like basketball players wear. Also hit him in the nuts a few times, fast and hard so it jogs his brains a bit and makes him start thinking of what you said to him. and also say "dont afraid to be hit".


:boing1: Love it!

[teej]

You have gotten good answers from the student perspective. So I am leaving you one from an Instructor/school owners point of view.

I do not know how your classes are run. But if you have a choice, you need a different partner until your nose is healed. As an adult student, you have an obligation to make sure your instructor knows of the situation on the training floor, as well as your medical condition and the healing process.

I tell all of my new students that I cannot address anything if I do not know about the situation and this includes if they overhear something another student may be concerened about and haven't told me.

I try to split my class up into two groups when I pair everyone up, those that want to train hard and those that want to train at a slower speed. I give that option before every drill as some nights a student may want to train hard and some nights may not feel up to par and want to go slower that night.

From a business point of view, you have to make sure your instructor knows of this so that your instructor can control the pace of this guys working with you. I am sure everyone in your class has seen your piercing.

Ask your instuctor to just keep an eye out and when he sees this guy getting too rough remind him he needs to slow down due to your nose condition. My wife trained pregnant in class. She stopped 3 weeks before she had our daughter. Everyone slowed down while training with my pregnant wife. A big part of this guys training is to learn control. Control is being able to hit hard when needed as well as softer when needed and being able to hit the correct targets when they are open.

This guy is hitting your nose when asked not to and not able to control his speed. He is missing a big aspect of his training. There is a time to work hard and a time to work light. I guarantee from my over 27 yrs of training and instructing that you are not the only student having issues with him.

Your obligation as your instructors customer/student is to make sure he or she completely understands your situation. Now it is up to the school owner to fix it. That is what we are there for. Remember, your training school someones' business. A good instructor can control this and keep everyone happy.

Yours in the arts, Teej

[jdinca]

JT, are things getting better?

[Rich Parsons]

As others have said I will repeat here as well:

Are things getting better?

Did you talk to the instructor?

Have you had a chance to check out safety equipment?

Now for my opinion which is similiar to what others have said:

Being the same rank, might be an issue for him and he might not realize it. He might be trying to show to himslef or others (* instructor *) that he is ready for the next level as you were ready for the current level and therefore he must be better by being able to go faster.

Some people do make women work harder. This is not always a punishment to get them out of the class but to get them over the socialization of not hitting or being hit. Almost every boy has been hit and or played a sport where a ball has hit them or a body part has hit them in the face. This is not as bad today as it was 30 years ago, but there are still cultural and social differences. Some people do this uncounsciously and others do it by choice. They work the women harder to make sure they have it and are not going to get hurt on the street. Now for some insight in to this as well. This could be because they have a family or friend or no someone who as hurt and do not want it to happen to the female training partner. This is all said with your first post of him being a nice guy versus being a jerk who is out to hurt people.

Good Luck

[MrE2Me2]

Hello Jade Tigress,

I hope you have made some progress here by now.
And there have been some really effective ideas on how to deal with this.

But I’m going to approach it a bit differently.
I mean no offense here but I do mean what I say.

This guy is obviously charming (you called him nice guy).
But he hits and it is a very hard hit to what amounts to an injury (your piercing).

Now I have been hit hard and I’ve given back my fair share too.
So I know what contact is and how important it is.

Yet, all that being said, this guy acts freely.
There are no consequences for his immoral behavior.

Think of it this way; if he were 6 years old, then you’d treat him different.
A lot of warnings and no action amount to a lot of noise…period!

It doesn’t matter if he’s bigger than you or stronger or even better.
Every time he hits you and hurts you, then you kicked him lightly in the testicles.

Or: When he hurts you, walk away and complain to his instructor…loudly!
Take it to the next level even if you are a bit uncomfortable.

Otherwise, learning how to take a beating will be your primary defense.
Do you want to learn to take a beating (rhetorical)?

And yes, I have been here and done this (all three side).
Assertion was definitely the best option for me.

Indomitable spirit should not be just a catchy phrase.
Don’t take a beating…give one (or find someone who will treat you with respect).

Regards, MrE2Me2

Without prejudice
E&OE

[Ignignokt]

I can't really give any tips, but I can empathize. I've trained with people like this myself and it's damned frustrating. The whole time I am training with people like this I feel like I am only getting worse. I want to be nice because I know that they are not trying to ruin my practice, but at the same time I feel like decking them in the mouth because they are also not trying very hard to not ruin my practice.

I hope things go better for you.

[Jade Tigress]

I can't really give any tips, but I can empathize. I've trained with people like this myself and it's damned frustrating. The whole time I am training with people like this I feel like I am only getting worse. I want to be nice because I know that they are not trying to ruin my practice, but at the same time I feel like decking them in the mouth because they are also not trying very hard to not ruin my practice.

I hope things go better for you.

True.

I missed my last 2 classes due to having to train for my new job, but it's back to class tonight. He was better the last time I trained with him as far as slowing down a bit and I didn't get popped in the nose, lol! However, we were practicing a technique (not a drill) this was side by side with no contact, and he says to me, "you have to sink on this punch". I said, "I am. Just because you can't SEE me rooting, doesn't mean I'm not doing it." So, I hate to say that in spite of some improvement, he is beginning to annoy the crap out of me. Which is a shame, because I like having a training partener vs. training alone. *sigh*

[Obliquity]

JT - After reading your initial post, then your subsequent replies, there are two points I would like to make. Keep in mind my occupation. :)

#1 -- This person is being utterly selfish and completely disrespectful. You need to either tell him just that straight out or punch him hard in the ****ing mouth and then tell him. He does not care about you in an appropriate way. He is caring about you in the way that he thinks is best, not in a way that actually is best.


People like this just don't get it. He is being ignorant of your needs and needs a figurative two-by-four to the side of the head to open his eyes. He likely lives the rest of his life this way, doing damage to others emotionally, physicall, and/or psychologically, all the time thinking that he is "doing the right thing".


#2 -- Why are you protecting this guy?


Because I care.

[rutherford]

Your profession?

Do often find that a hard punch in the ****ing mouth is appropriate therapy?

Hmm. I guess I'm self-medicating. :boxing:

[Jade Tigress]

JT - After reading your initial post, then your subsequent replies, there are two points I would like to make. Keep in mind my occupation. :)

#1 -- This person is being utterly selfish and completely disrespectful. You need to either tell him just that straight out or punch him hard in the ****ing mouth and then tell him. He does not care about you in an appropriate way. He is caring about you in the way that he thinks is best, not in a way that actually is best.


People like this just don't get it. He is being ignorant of your needs and needs a figurative two-by-four to the side of the head to open his eyes. He likely lives the rest of his life this way, doing damage to others emotionally, physicall, and/or psychologically, all the time thinking that he is "doing the right thing".


#2 -- Why are you protecting this guy?


Because I care.

Thank you. You hit alot of this on the head. :asian:

About protecting him, I just mean to convey that his personality is not the tough, macho, chest-thumping, testosterone overloaded dude who thinks he needs to keep little girly in place. I mean he is nice in that he thinks he is being helpful but he is actually starting to piss me off! lol

Last night we had an absolutely brutal warm-up before breaking up into training groups. (I loved it BTW). So anyway, we're all huffing and puffing and sweating like pigs. He and I pair up to start our drills and he says to me, "slow down, take a deep breath, relax". Here he is, all pale and gasping, telling me to *relax*. I said, "you're breathing just as hard as I am."

He's actually a dorky guy. The weird thing is, I get along with just about everybody and I've never trained with someone who rubbed me the wrong way. But the longer I train with this guy the more he irritates me. I just want to train. He is more advanced than I am and that doesn't bother me at all, but I just want to train. I appreciate feedback, I want feedback, but his methods of providing feedback are helpful about 5% of the time and either hindering or just annoying the other 95%.

Anyway, I feel like I keep complaining more and more about this and that wasn't my intent. I don't like complaining or whining and I try not to do it. I fail sometimes, lol! I need the vent though, so thanks for listening everyone. :asian:


Your profession?

Do often find that a hard punch in the ****ing mouth is appropriate therapy?

Hmm. I guess I'm self-medicating. :boxing:



lol! Yeah, what is your occupation anyway Obliquity?

[kidswarrior]

Anyway, I feel like I keep complaining more and more about this and that wasn't my intent. I don't like complaining or whining and I try not to do it. I fail sometimes, lol! I need the vent though, so thanks for listening everyone. :asian:

It was a legitimate concern, no complaining involved. Just because you're one of the parties doesn't change what's right or wrong in the situation. The guy is waaaay out of line, regardless of who might be on the receiving end. I would say the instructor has some work to do with this student--now. :mst:

Thanks for trusting us enough to share it. :)

[MrE2Me2]

Jade Tigress

In your original post,
You said, “I train with this really nice guy and he doesn't mean any harm and he's not being a macho ass or anything like that.”

Also, you said, “I understand he is trying to "help" me improve and I appreciate his feedback.”

In your latest post,
You said, “I mean he is nice in that he thinks he is being helpful but he is actually starting to piss me off!”

Now I asked my wife about this (because I value her opinion).
Sometimes women confuse charming behavior with appropriate behavior.
This allows charmers to disrespect them.
One doesn’t have to be a macho ass to be out of line.

Regards, MrE2Me2

[Obliquity]

Do often find that a hard punch in the ****ing mouth is appropriate therapy?

Who said anything about doing therapy? :)



lol! Yeah, what is your occupation anyway Obliquity?

Okay, do I advocate physical harm? Let me put it this way, he has hit you in the face multiple times. You have asked him multiple times to make the adjustment. He has not simply ignored your requests, he has heard them and chosen to reject them. It is a sad reality that some people just don't get the message until something happens that is painful enough to actually penetrate their psyche. An obvious example is a spouse finally packing up and leaving. Not just pretending to leave. "Enough is enough and we are done unless you wake up the fact that I will not put up with your abuse any longer."

I would not put it past an instructor to demonstrate for training purposes the concequences of disrespecting others and assisting a student in gaining insight as to what it is like to be on the receiving end of like pain as is being inflicted by said student on others.

I get it that he is not a macho guy. My picture of him is more like a doofus. None-the-less, he is an ego-centric doofus who is not really considering the impact of his actions on others. He may truly think he is doing the right thing, but, he truly is not.

He may have a mental scotoma -- a blind spot -- and really not understand what he is doing. Unless and until someone points out to him that his behavior is not acceptable -- and you have attempted to do this in a very kind, but apparently ineffective fashion -- he will continue to go through life 1) handicapped in his relationships, and 2) possibly causing physical and/or psychological harm to others.

I hope this helps. I'm not trying to be a hard-ass. I can actually be a very laid-back guy who loves nothing more than a good laugh, but when it comes to people doing harm to others after repeated attempts to get them to stop, I pull the plug on nice guy attempts and cut to the chase.

BAM! "I have asked you many, many times not to hit me in the nose. You lack awareness and control and are a dangerous training partner. You are selfish and it is clear that you do not care about me or my safety. Therefore . . ."

The BAM! does not have to be hitting him physically. It could just be making a statement like the one in the preceding paragraph. But, somehow, he needs to get the message.

otoh -- you could just go on enabling him. :)

[Xue Sheng]

The BAM! does not have to be hitting him physically.

Oh yes it does :EG:

Just kidding...kinda



Who said anything about doing therapy? :)




Okay, do I advocate physical harm? Let me put it this way, he has hit you in the face multiple times. You have asked him multiple times to make the adjustment. He has not simply ignored your requests, he has heard them and chosen to reject them. It is a sad reality that some people just don't get the message until something happens that is painful enough to actually penetrate their psyche. An obvious example is a spouse finally packing up and leaving. Not just pretending to leave. "Enough is enough and we are done unless you wake up the fact that I will not put up with your abuse any longer."

I would not put it past an instructor to demonstrate for training purposes the concequences of disrespecting others and assisting a student in gaining insight as to what it is like to be on the receiving end of like pain as is being inflicted by said student on others.

I get it that he is not a macho guy. My picture of him is more like a doofus. None-the-less, he is an ego-centric doofus who is not really considering the impact of his actions on others. He may truly think he is doing the right thing, but, he truly is not.

He may have a mental scotoma -- a blind spot -- and really not understand what he is doing. Unless and until someone points out to him that his behavior is not acceptable -- and you have attempted to do this in a very kind, but apparently ineffective fashion -- he will continue to go through life 1) handicapped in his relationships, and 2) possibly causing physical and/or psychological harm to others.

I hope this helps. I'm not trying to be a hard-ass. I can actually be a very laid-back guy who loves nothing more than a good laugh, but when it comes to people doing harm to others after repeated attempts to get them to stop, I pull the plug on nice guy attempts and cut to the chase.

BAM! "I have asked you many, many times not to hit me in the nose. You lack awareness and control and are a dangerous training partner. You are selfish and it is clear that you do not care about me or my safety. Therefore . . ."

The BAM! does not have to be hitting him physically. It could just be making a statement like the one in the preceding paragraph. But, somehow, he needs to get the message.

otoh -- you could just go on enabling him. :)

nice post

[DavidCC]

I think I ahve figured it out. The guy is hot for you, but he's a big nerdy dork and so all he can do is try to please you by offering you his advice and guidance and all of his wisdom, and he just comes off like a big condescending dork. he can't help it.

You are probably way out of his league. and he couldn't control his punches because he was fixated on your new piercing. It doesn't seem like it would take too much loss of focus to be accidentally hitting the nose when you are aiming for the chin, and a sexy little diamond stud might be enough hahaha

And you may not want to admit it, but it seems to me like you he is really getting under your skin too... you know a pearl starts as an irritant to the oyster... So let me leave you with this thought: Nerds need love too. :ladysman: :lool:

[Obliquity]

he was fixated on your new piercing . . . a sexy little diamond stud


Of course, none of us has actually seen this little diamond stud. Maybe it is so large that he cannot help but hit it. :D

[Jade Tigress]

My picture of him is more like a doofus. None-the-less, he is an ego-centric doofus who is not really considering the impact of his actions on others. He may truly think he is doing the right thing, but, he truly is not.



That's it in a nutshell.


I think I ahve figured it out. The guy is hot for you, but he's a big nerdy dork and so all he can do is try to please you by offering you his advice and guidance and all of his wisdom, and he just comes off like a big condescending dork. he can't help it.

You are probably way out of his league. and he couldn't control his punches because he was fixated on your new piercing. It doesn't seem like it would take too much loss of focus to be accidentally hitting the nose when you are aiming for the chin, and a sexy little diamond stud might be enough hahaha

And you may not want to admit it, but it seems to me like you he is really getting under your skin too... you know a pearl starts as an irritant to the oyster... So let me leave you with this thought: Nerds need love too. :ladysman: :lool:



:lfao: Now that thur is funny! :D

As far as the "nerds need love too." For one, I'm there to train, not flirt. For two, I'm married. And for three, and I've been nice up to this point but, unless he starts brushing the fuzz off his teeth and washing the syrup off his hands which I can smell while we're training, he's gonna have a hard time finding ANY love from ANY manner of female species no matter how much of an irritating "pearl" he may become. ;) :D


Of course, none of us has actually seen this little diamond stud. Maybe it is so large that he cannot help but hit it. :D


LMAO! Um, yeah, it's like ohhhhhhhh...at least a carat! :rolleyes:

Seriously, thanks guys. It's nice to get some outside perspective. :asian:

[Obliquity]

Seriously, thanks guys. It's nice to get some outside perspective. :asian:


Glad to help. That'll be $60.00. :D

[Jade Tigress]

Glad to help. That'll be $60.00. :D

:lol: :whip: :D