Martial Artist Significant Others [Archive] - MartialTalk.Com

terryl965

11-02-2006, 09:38 PM

How crucial to the success of a relationship do you think it is that your partner is also a martial artist?

All I can say is my wife and childern all do it with me and we have a great time together, whether other people can do this I do not know, it sure did not help witht he first marrasige she hated it when I was training

Lisa

11-02-2006, 09:40 PM

I guess I can only answer from my perspective. My husband never has done any kind of MA. Had not interest and that is okay with me. We both have our own interests outside of each other and we support each other in them.

I think you have to find what works for you in your relationship with your significant other. Some do train together, I have seen good and bad in that scenario. Some couples are great on the mat together, others, well...they aren't and it is noticible when they train together that they have some...umm...extra agression towards each other :D

SFC JeffJ

11-02-2006, 10:01 PM

My wife seriously outranks me! She dragged me back into martial arts after a long hiatus.

Carol

11-02-2006, 10:04 PM

I've never dated a martial artist, but I think I'd prefer to be with one.

At the very minimum, my date would need to understand and respect why I train. It's too important to me to be with someone that merely "tolerates" it.

MJS

11-02-2006, 10:06 PM

exile

11-02-2006, 10:16 PM

My wife does not train in the Martial Arts. I was training for many years before I met her, she knew this, and is supportive of what I do. As for how it effects our relationship...we've been married for 10 yrs. and it hasn't caused any tension. :) She has her hobbies and I have mine. :)

Mike

Apart from a few small differences of detail (my wife and I've been married almost 20 years, and I didn't start training in MA until just a few years ago), my situation is a ditto of Mike's.

Kacey

11-02-2006, 10:56 PM

My ex and I started TKD together in 1987; as far as I know, he quit shortly after the divorce. He was a blue belt (4th gup) when I started as a white belt, and we tested for I Dan together; shortly before the divorce, I was told to test for 2nd, and he wasn't. Did that cause the divorce? Not at all - it was due to his inability to hold a job, and also because I grew up and he didn't - but it did influence the timing. Having your partner in your MA class can be great - but it can also be horrible; it was for me, especially the last year or so we were married.

If I could choose, I would choose to have a partner in an MA, but in a totally different MA than the one I'm in.

searcher

11-02-2006, 11:38 PM

Very important to me and my wife. I met her at the school I was teaching at. I helped her and kept my eye on her. Later she needed teaching time to get her Shodan and I needed an assistant instructor. She started helping and within a month we were dating. She gave me a bloody nose on Tuesday and I asked her out on a Thursday.

MBuzzy

11-03-2006, 12:04 AM

You know...I don't think that I want my fiance learning how to kick my ass. :)

But she does understand and respect my training. Luckily when we get back to the states, she has her horses to ride and I have my Tang Soo Do.

bydand

11-03-2006, 06:44 AM

It is important to me for her to ubderstand why I train and why I enjoy it. As a huge plus, she also trains now. I started training before we dated, and I knew I had to take her out when she came to check out a class and it just happened to be the night I had a brain bubble and landed after a hard throw right on the point of my shoulder breaking it and shattered my collerbone. We had been friends for a couple of years so she went with me to the hospital and while I was waiting on the Dr. to let me go I mentioned that she shouldn't let what happened color her view on the training, she looked at me and informed me while they were bundling me up she had told the instructor she really wanted to sign up. Seems seeing someone about 1/2 my size wreck me, convinced her it really wasn't muscle and strength, but body movement that made it effective. :) Now it is our 2 oldest boys and both of us who train.

SFC JeffJ

11-03-2006, 07:10 AM

Great story Scott!

Jade Tigress

11-03-2006, 09:02 AM

My husband is not interested in Martial Arts, though he has always been good about supporting my interests. Personally, I'm glad he's not into it. I wouldn't discourage him if he was, but training, and class, is *my* time. A time I can get away and focus on something other than the myriad of hassles in daily life. Sometimes you just need to get away, ya know?

Xue Sheng

11-03-2006, 09:38 AM

My ex-wife was very happy I was in MA because, as I later found, she was using it in attempts to intimidate others, just one of MANY reasons she is now referred to as “Ex”.

My wife, now, is from China and she sees my MA as just a hobby compared to what she is use to seeing in China. Frankly she tolerates it and allows me to train. She also is working to find me a teacher for when I am back in China. But she does not train MA and that’s fine with me. She use to as a child, and it sounds like it may have bee Shaolin Long Fist, she did it because her mother forced her to go and it did make her healthier, but she did not like it that much so after a year she stopped and focused on her academics. However she did recently say that if a good Chen stylist were closer to us she would consider training Chen. Just to explain, in translation that actually means if a member of the Chen family or one of there senior students moved into are area she would consider training.

Now she just tells her family I am Martial arts Crazy and that is ok for me, her and her family.

Eternal Beginner

11-03-2006, 09:41 AM

For me it is pretty important that my hubby and I be on the same page where MA is concerned. I spend a lot of time training and travelling for competition, so it is nice that he (and my children) are all training together and travelling together.

Frankly, if they didn't, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing because my family comes first. So it is perfect that he is a Martial Artist and supportive of what I do.

Tarot

11-03-2006, 10:15 AM

I picked the "If they can't tap out, we don't go out" option. It's extremely important to me to be with someone who is also interested in training.

It's important because someone who doesn't train, while they may be supportive of their SO, I don't think they really "get" and fully understand training and why it can be so meaningful to someone. I've seen many relationships where the SO really interefers with the MAist's training. "Can't you be home more?" "Do you have to go to class tonight?" "What do you mean you're traveling cross country for a seminar?" For me personally, that's not something I would be able to handle.

Currently my husband and I train in the same art which I love. To me, it doesn't matter so much the art, just that each of us are doing something. At the end of the day, for me it's important to have a guy I can smack around and who can smack me around. :p

The Kidd

11-03-2006, 10:45 AM

My wife also trains but she does it for different reasons. It helps to come home and when I explain something she knows what I am talking about. It is also something great to do as a family because both my boys train as well.

morph4me

11-03-2006, 01:29 PM

My wife does not train in the Martial Arts. I was training for many years before I met her, she knew this, and is supportive of what I do. As for how it effects our relationship...we've been married for 10 yrs. and it hasn't caused any tension. :) She has her hobbies and I have mine. :)

Mike

Same story, difference is I've been married 29 years. I think she actually looks forward to me going to class so she can have some alone time

Flying Crane

11-03-2006, 01:48 PM

I don't think it would be a deal-killer for the relationship if she wasn't a martial artist, but at least she would need to respect my need to train.

That being said, my wife is a martial artist (we met in a capoeira school, and she had trained in Tae Kwon Do and Hapkido prior to that, when she was in high school), and I think it has enriched our relationship. It's a topic we can discuss and share in, as we both still do capoeira together.

morph4me

11-03-2006, 01:59 PM

My wife respects that I train, she just can't understand why I would subject myself to it. :lol:

Phoenix44

11-03-2006, 02:50 PM

My partner is a martial artist, as are our kids. It definitely enhances the relationship.

If I couldn't be with a martial artist, I'd have to be with someone who is passionate about something--art, music, basketweaving, anything. It would be the only way he'd understand.

Ceicei

11-03-2006, 03:32 PM

I was in Kenpo before I married my husband, so he knew already of my passion. He did take Karate during high school for a month or two. After we married, he decided to sign up and train with me for a year. He found it wasn't his thing, but he does have a very strong respect for the time and work involved with training. We have four children and three of the four train in Kenpo (my youngest is not ready yet). My husband supports and encourages all of us. When I chose to cross-train in in a second style (Jujitsu), he did not try to stop me, although he does worry more about me (since I had two surgeries as a result of jujitsu).

- Ceicei

IcemanSK

11-03-2006, 04:00 PM

When I met my wife she knew I was pretty hard core. I talked about it & trained all the time. She's the type of person who "needs to understand" the things important folks in her life do. She would watch me train & ask lots of questions after. She has a great appreciation for the arts.

MJS

11-03-2006, 04:20 PM

Same story, difference is I've been married 29 years. I think she actually looks forward to me going to class so she can have some alone time

Cool! Yeah, same here. She has her things that she does with her friends and the same for me. We have our time with each other as well. Personally, I think that it helps make a relationship stronger if there is that seperate time instead of always being together day after day.

My wife respects that I train, she just can't understand why I would subject myself to it. :lol:

LOL, funny you should say that. I get that look when I come home with the 'war wounds' :)

Mike

MA-Caver

11-03-2006, 08:22 PM

I'm not married but if I do find that SO then I'd probably would like for her to get involved and start training. I agree with some of the others who felt that it helps the relationship because you both have some common ground to share... even if you're doing different arts you still can have lively conversations with each other about MA and even bounce moves/techniques off each other just for the fun of it.
But for me I'd feel better knowing that she is doing something that is multi-benficial; self-protection, and excercise to name a few ... I also heard that it helps the sex life too :uhyeah: :D

stickarts

11-03-2006, 08:30 PM

I think it boils down to your spouse understanding how important martial arts is to you and being supportive of that. I have seen good relationships and troubled relationships when spouses are involved, and equally when they are not involved in martial arts.
If a spouse or a potential future spouse does not support what is important to you than that is a red flag in the relationship!

bydand

11-04-2006, 07:29 AM

If a spouse or a potential future spouse does not support what is important to you than that is a red flag in the relationship!

Take heed to these words. A truer statement has probably never been uttered. I am lucky, very lucky; my wife supports things that are important to me, and I support the things that are important to her. I think if you are to really be SO's then it isn't just support, but also very important to you as well.

Fluffy

11-04-2006, 09:33 PM

Very immportant, my wife is a 2nd Dan and an operations manager for my school. I made sure I married someone who understands all my bumps and bruises.

Lisa

11-04-2006, 09:41 PM

Take heed to these words. A truer statement has probably never been uttered. I am lucky, very lucky; my wife supports things that are important to me, and I support the things that are important to her. I think if you are to really be SO's then it isn't just support, but also very important to you as well.

I agree also. Part of who I fell in love with was the gun shooting, hunting, firearm loving, competitor that my husband is. Wouldn't want him to change, that would not be fair.

fnorfurfoot

11-04-2006, 11:53 PM

Before we got married, my wife and I started Kempo together almost 12 years ago. We got our yellow belts together before she had to go back to college. She didn't get back into it until last year.

In the mean time, I had opened my own school and had also been training our son for the past 4 years. She had no interest to train but she wanted to have a say in how I ran my school. It was my school because she did not train at the time. I didn't really feel that she should have any say since her only interest in the art was how much money it was making us.

Now that she has returned to training, she helps with my children's classes. Teaching my wife is tricky. It's hard to know how hard you can go before you hear about it at home. For the most part, what happens at the dojo, stays in the dojo, but you know that complaints will come if she feels that you are going too hard.

chris_มวยไทย

11-06-2006, 03:38 PM

my girlfreind doesnt do a martial art and probably never will , however she does respect the fact that its a big part of my life and is always interested in it and likes me to teach her techniques when were play fighting :eek: :boxing: ;)

matt.m

11-06-2006, 04:52 PM

Since my dad is a hapkido master my wife has been overly supportive of me training. Tae kwon do has been an awesome way of physical therapy for me as well.

Rich Parsons

11-06-2006, 06:42 PM

They should respect and understand why I train, teach and have a passion called Martial Arts.

Arizona Angel

11-06-2006, 06:47 PM

It's not bad at all to have your significant other in class with you, but at home, one on one, that's another story. Someday I am sure I will figure out how to do that sucessfully since Kenpo is a way of life, not some sort of entertainment.

MA-Caver

11-06-2006, 06:49 PM

I went ahead and pirated this thread/poll onto another discussion board because I was curious about my OTHER favorite activity (caving). Of course it's re-worded to fit the forum. It's getting good responses now and this is one of them from a gal I know. (my own explainatory comments are in italics)

If you're female, having a caving significant other solves a lot of problems.

No one thinks it strange when you go on a trip and 80% of the participants are men (They're other cavers. Do they count?) or you go out for beer with the boys.

The kids don't think it's an insult when someone says, "Yer mama wears combat boots." (Yeah. So?)

You both do laundry. The groady kind.

You don't have to explain that yes, you DO have to strip to the skin in mixed company after a trip, or risk freezing to death. (they've been there, too.) (clothes can be quite muddy after certian cave trips...)

There is nothing unusual, at the end of the day, to find stray bits of unrecognized clothing in the car.

No explanation is needed when one says, "I'll go to bed after I (finish the grotto newsletter, print the membership cards, get done packing, clean my lights,
find my (insert lost caving article here), pack my pig (an improvised caving pack made from two gallon bleach jugs) , answer this email from some stranger looking to take 50 scouts to a cave tomorrow.)

They understand when you want to wear your helmet and light to the theater-- they'll find theirs and come along, too.

They know why you prefer to clean someone else's cave than your own house, and you think camel crickets in the basement are way cool.

Wouldn't trade them for a million dollars and a mansion in the 'right' part of town.

charyuop

11-12-2006, 11:54 AM

Before I met my wife she was doing MA, while the only interest I had in MA was watching kung fu movies. She quit MA and then we met. We have been married 5 years now. In the meanwhile I started Tai Chi and of course as ex MAist she supported. I then dragged her into Tai Chi as remedy to her artrites and now we do Tai Chi together.
Tomorrow I will start Aikido and when I told her she was happy for me to start that too.

But is it crucial to have a MAist near you? No, and I can't even expect for the partner to undertsand. If someone is not in MA it is normal that might get worried for you to get hurt or injured, thus he/she might not fully approve. The important is that there is no interference in the training.

Haze

11-12-2006, 12:02 PM

I started training after we had been married about 5 years. My wife had and still has no interest in it for herself but does support me.

Same as I have no interest in pilates. Just not for me right now.

We have talked about getting into a TaiChi class together.
Maybe it will happen.

We have interests in common and we have are own interests. I think this makes for a stronger relationship.

(and she can probably kick my a** without any training,,,,,,,,,,,LOL)

Shawn

12-10-2006, 06:04 PM

About 8 years ago I started dating the woman that became my wife just this year. When we started dating I was training 4-5 evenings a week, and I think she started coming to classes with me just to spend a little more time together.

Training together was great. We always got along well in class while training.

In the last year I've opened my own school. In many ways having my wife there is a huge asset. She knows the material, and helps new students (especially women) get started in class. She looks impressive and pleases students when she kicks my ass in demos :-). But teaching her, or correcting her in class, often causes strained moments. Not always, and not for long, but it does come up.

Its important to me that my partner be involved in the martial arts, but it may not be the best idea to have your partner as a student.

Shawn