nerd seeks women help

[Deathtrap101]

Hey, yea im a lonely nerd who likes karate:karate: and spends too much time sitting infront of the computer:borg:. Well ive never bin really populer with the ladies and im pretty damn sure this isnt the place to get advice, but hey im gettin it from wherever i can and i thought i might get some interesting answers here. Now what are most ladies lookin for in a guy?


ANY answer is a good one.

[artful dodger]

Shoot me for a sexist sounding comment - be protective, the whole I will be your hero thing. Another idea, take a look at daytime soap operas like Days of our Lives and check out how the guys treat the women. None of them do this in real life but if they did - they'd be winners, I'm telling you.

[Deathtrap101]

lol, any advice not requiring me to watch soaps??lol

Should i mention that im 15 going into the 10th grade??and not 30 years old living in my parents basement.(Though i do live in my parents basement:sadsong: )

[J-kid]

Stay cool. Show off to girls. talk to them, the silent stair for 3 days thing works good., try it.

[tonbo]

Well, I am certainly no expert, but I have what I think is some pretty darn good advice:

BE YOURSELF. BE REAL. PAY ATTENTION, AND DON'T BE A JERK.

If you want a serious relationship with someone, you will have to work at it. Work at being real, not trying to impress them. However, do the little things: remember their birthday, get them flowers, do things with them that they like. Treat women with respect, and you will be amazed. That's what it's all about. Yeah, women want to be protected, sure. But they also like having the guy they can *talk* to, who doesn't try to beat the sh** out of everyone to prove how tough he is.

Since you are 15, you are going to be dealing with a lot of game-playing, by both sexes. People are still flaky, and emotions are a funny, funny thing at that age. TRUST me on that one. Don't be looking for a life partner at this phase--just look for someone you "click" with. Go after the type of girl that you like, and treat her right.......just don't play no games, 'cuz they ain't worth the time, ya know?

Good luck, from one nerd to another...;)

Peace--

[Rich Parsons]

Originally posted by Deathtrap101

Hey, yea im a lonely nerd who likes karate:karate: and spends too much time sitting infront of the computer:borg:. Well ive never bin really populer with the ladies and im pretty damn sure this isnt the place to get advice, but hey im gettin it from wherever i can and i thought i might get some interesting answers here. Now what are most ladies lookin for in a guy?


ANY answer is a good one.

Hey DeathTrap101,

When you figure it all out, let me know. I could use similar advice. :) I am 35 and looking again. BTW, nothing wrong with being the Nerd type, but you do have to go places where there are (Young) women to meet. Talk to the women, be yourself, is all the advice I can give. Just remember be true and honest, and things will go better.

Still trying to figure it all out myself.

Rich

[arnisador]

One word: Confidence. You've got to look and act like you think well of yourself.

See also this thread (http://www.martialtalk.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1997) (ignore the diet/fitness part).

[Deathtrap101]

lol, i was actualy just kidding about hte nerd thing, i like to think im pretty 'cool'. lol.

[GouRonin]

You're 15. Relax. Breath.

Rich and Tonbo are right. Be yourself. Be respectful. Follow the golden rule. "Treat them like you yourself would like to be treated."

In high school I would only date women who were 1)Cheerleaders, 2) Swimmers on the swim team. In university I expanded my horizons to include 3) Sorority girls.

I wasn't interested in anything they had to say as long as they hung on my arm and looked good among other things.

My wife literally kicked my @ss and made realize how much of a jerkface I was. She was NONE of the 3 things.

People are much more interesting for who they are not what they do.

[artful dodger]

Originally posted by Deathtrap101

lol, any advice not requiring me to watch soaps??lol

Should i mention that im 15 going into the 10th grade??and not 30 years old living in my parents basement.(Though i do live in my parents basement:sadsong: )

You don't have to sit and watch soaps for hours, just take a look. A lot of research has been done when producing these sort of programmes to find out what women like, and they've hit the spot so to speak. So take a look. I don't mean be them and not yourself because that can't work, but check out how they treat women. In real life they would have women eating out of their hands. And get this, a guy just needs to hold the door open for me to go through before him, or see me to the car door before he gets in the car, and my opinion of him has increased tenfold, and if they do the opposite my opinion majorly decreases. And another thing TO BE INTERESTING BE INTERESTED. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Just watch people talking and their body language. Everyone likes the part of the conversation thats about themselves.

[Aikikitty]

How come no women are replying to this??? One thing I'm really attracted to is humbleness/meekness. When I'm saying meek I'm not talking about the weak 'Dorothy Gail from Kansas-the small and meek":rolleyes: I'm talking about what it really means.
To illustrate meekness--Superman! Superman is so strong and could take over the world but he doesn't walk around all tough, take over the world, and show off (I hate it when guys show off!) but he uses his strength to help people.

Kindness is a major plus for me too! I like guys who are not just kind to the "cool" people but kind to everybody and treats the "weird" people just like the "cool" ones. ;) That's a strength of character too and I'm sure girls would notice! I would! (but that's just me.)

I think you're too young for a "real" relationship but hears extra bonus advice that you don't have to pay attention too but I think it's good. -----Many people here say "be yourself" or "act and do a lot of other things" I suggest that you examine your personality and think about the flaws. Illustration---One of MY major flaws is getting impatient and when I get impatient, I don't always act like I should and many people don't like to be around me. I don't want to be that way forever (especially when I get married some day) so I've been working on that for years to not act so impatient when things get rough. It's hard but I'm getting there. >sigh< In the same way, if you have a short fuse/temper, please consider working on that because seriously-what girl would want to be with a guy who loses control like that?

I hope you get what I'm trying to say. :) This is my (slightly more than) 2 cents.

Robyn :asian:

[Nightingale]

hmmm... speaking of superman... my ideal guy is Clark Kent. He's everything women want...

1. down to earth
2. polite
3. a gentleman (opens doors, brings flowers and the like)
4. he isn't bad to look at...
5. he's intelligent and can have a conversation about something other than cars and sports. Keeping up with current events is a good thing.
6. he's protective without being oppressive... (saying "be careful" as she goes out to meet an old friend is a good thing... saying "you can't go because you dated him for two weeks five years ago" is oppressive)
7. he does housework (albeit at superspeed).


basically my advice is this:

be genuine

be yourself

think before you speak

have a genuine interest in what she has to say
(or learn to fake it really well)

let her make her own decisions about what time to spend with you, and what time to spend with her friends, because she'll resent it if you try to control her.

support her in the things she wants to do.

pay for the first date at least, and flowers are nice... one red rose, not a dozen. One sunflower is nice also.

if you upset her, apologize. even if you don't think you're wrong...saying "I'm sorry that I hurt you" is not admitting guilt. Its saying that you regret that her feelings were hurt. And flowers are a good thing (here's where the dozen roses comes in handy)

don't try to date someone just because of her looks... she'll see right through you, and you won't like her reaction.

talk to her face, not her...other assets.

(at 15, I hope you don't need to hear this one, but here it is anyway)
no means no. she isn't playing hard to get, she means it. Don't rush intimacy. You need to have an emotional connection before you have a physical one. Respect yourself and her, and remember that she deserves better than the back seat of a car. (translation...wait til your of age, preferably longer), and last but not least, if you're gonna do something stupid, be smart about it.

just my $0.02

Nightingale

[artful dodger]

It's the guys turn to say how they like women to be.

[Nightingale]

hehe... please do. you guys are as much of a mystery to us ladies as we are to you all.

[KenpoTess]

15 oh my.. I remember.. yeah back in the prehistoric days.. being 15... and I don't think females change much with age as far as what they like in a guy.. besides the polite stuff.. Humor is far up on my list.. and not the wise cracking jokester.. but someone who's funny.. and can make a girl smile and laugh.. at your age.. that's where you want to start out.. :) Just be yourself..
every girl has different 'likes'. Some like the brooding mysterious guy.. some, the boisterous ham.. some like the nerdy puter guy.. so if you have your eye on a certain girl.. watch who she interacts with.. the football players? Because maybe she wants to be popular.. ? The Teenage years are fickle ones.. I could go on for an entire book..
but my advice.. don't be changing for anyone.. Be Yourself~!!! :))
have fun and enjoy life~!

Tess

[GouRonin]

Originally posted by artful dodger
It's the guys turn to say how they like women to be.

I won't say a word. Not...one...word...

[Aikikitty]

Originally posted by GouRonin



I won't say a word. Not...one...word...


You are very wise, Gou. ;)

Robyn :asian:

[tonbo]

Okay, you guys asked for this, so here goes......

What do I look for in a woman?

Personality. Yep, that's right. Always have, always will. Looks are nice, too....but that's a two-way street. And looks will change over time....a good personality and friendship will last a LOT longer!

My wife is as close to my perfect woman as any human is going to get. She is intelligent, playful, sensual, and has a lot of depth. She is my best friend, my sparring partner, and the best date that I could ask for.

I have always looked for women that spent time developing things other than just their looks--makeup has NEVER impressed me, nor has flashy clothing. If a woman can hold down a good conversation, and has interests of her own, that gets me going. I don't care for the cheerleader/empty-headed/glamor girl. Give me the tomboy who can put on a dress and feel comfortable, and that's a winner.

For me, basically, if a woman isn't a thinker, then I don't need to bother. I deal with the real, not with the shallow. Looks don't impress me--brains and personality impress me.

Thankfully, my wife has both looks *and* personality. She's my best friend, a great lover, and she kicks my butt often enough to keep me honest...;)

Hey, you asked.....sorry about the ramble, though....;)

Peace--

[Deathtrap101]

Hey guys, thanks thats all really good advice. I actualy hang out with alot of girls at my school. My biggest problem is coming up with good conversation, another problem is im too shy to ask ayone out that i feel close too. I always wanna know for sure that they like me too and i dont think thats a very good way of thinking, caus your never gonna know for sure.

[Kirk]

Originally posted by Deathtrap101

Hey guys, thanks thats all really good advice. I actualy hang out with alot of girls at my school. My biggest problem is coming up with good conversation, another problem is im too shy to ask ayone out that i feel close too. I always wanna know for sure that they like me too and i dont think thats a very good way of thinking, caus your never gonna know for sure.


Just focus on being their friend. The shyness will either work itself
out, or they'll make a move on YOU, if they're interested.

[Roland]

he had some great advice.

Heck, invite the girl you like to rent that movie, if she says yes, she is yours dude!

[Deathtrap101]

heh heh....err.... Well the girl i realy realy like has a boyfreind.....and me and her are both really good freinds and sometimes it seems like she has an attraction to me but i think im just hulusinating. Me and her boyfreind used to be good freinds too untill all of a sudden he doesnt like me anymore without any given reason, kidna pissed me off.....:shotgun:

He has such an awesome girlfreind and doesnt seem to notice...though he isnt actualy that bad of a guy he's just real moody.

[Nightingale]

in that case, just be there for her. if he doesn't realize what he has, she'll figure things out eventually. Do not try to break them up. It usually won't work, and makes you look bad.

High school relationships usually don't last incredibly long, so when the breakup comes (if it does), give her a shoulder to cry on, a month or two to get her head on straight (you don't want to be rebound boy...very bad) and then ask her over to rent a movie, or take her out somewhere she likes to go. Just ask her if she'd like to go out on a date sometime.

[cdhall]

Originally posted by KenpoTess

15 oh my.. I remember.. yeah back in the prehistoric days.. being 15... Tess

When I was 15, there was no 10th grade. Whoever could kill dinner for the village and drag it back to camp in good condition had his pick of who to have dinner with.
:rofl:

[tonbo]

Whoever could kill dinner for the village and drag it back to camp in good condition had his pick of who to have dinner with.

That was *YOU*?

MAN, I always hated you for that......you always got back to the village with more and better stuff than me.....:(

Everything I dragged back looked like small roadkill that had spent a few days tumbling in the dryer with a load of sharp rocks.

*sigh* Oh, well.....I found a different village and moved on...;)

Thanks for the laugh, cd...;)

Peace--

[Carbon]

Um, if your 15 you may think its a big deal to get a girl to be with you.

Its not, I'm 17 and I haven't really had a whole selection of girlfriends but trust me when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter.

I know and talk to quite a bit of girls and it just depends who they like and who they want to hang out with.

So if you are trying to get a hot ass girl in your school don't count on it, unless your a handsom football player.

The hot girls in my school who are high on the popularity chain won't really talk to anyone.

If you find a hot freak girl who likes talking to you, then try and hook up with her, if things get weird then just tell her you didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.

[GouRonin]

Originally posted by Carbon
So if you are trying to get a hot ass girl in your school don't count on it, unless your a handsom football player.
The hot girls in my school who are high on the popularity chain won't really talk to anyone.

Speaking as former high school jock, I have this advice. Being a jock is only the way to get to meet the babes. Once you meet them, like in sports, you have to be able to produce.

Scented candles, body lotion, and Barry White will take you a long way...
:rolleyes:

[Nightingale]

dumb question...

who's barry white?

[GouRonin]

Originally posted by nightingale8472
dumb question...
who's barry white?

Oh...my...God...
:eek:

[Damian Mavis]

Sheesh Nightingale your only 5 years younger than me how can you not know who Barry White is?

Judo Kid : "I do the silent glare thing"

Ahhh young stalkers in training, isn't that sweet?

Damian Mavis
Honour TKD

[Nightingale]

I looked him up... I'm not an R&B fan...its too sleepy.

[Damian Mavis]

Ya I don't like Barry White either, it's just that most people know that his music is synonomous with getting jiggy with it. It's supposed to woo the women.

Damian Mavis
Honour TKD

[TkdWarrior]

Originally posted by Deathtrap101

Hey, yea im a lonely nerd who likes karate:karate: and spends too much time sitting infront of the computer:borg:.
sounds like me... TKD then programming .... eats up around 16 hrs daily :(
u just need more active life...try finding out some time in weekends... u'll find some...
-TkdWarrior-

[Carbon]

Maybe you should just hit on everygirl you see and eventually someone will think its charming and then you can do whatever from there.

Also Judo-Kid, uh silent glare? I think that would just freak them out. I think your methods are what might get a girl to notice you but eventually scare her away.

[Abbax8]

Here's a suggestion from a happily married man with kids. At 15 you should concentrate on your school work, your MA interests, and other hobbies you may have. Go to school dances and such if you have the interest. If your family is involved in church, go to the activities it sponsors. Beware, you may get a girlfriend by being yourself. Then you need to schedule her into your activites. Cuts down on training time and can be EXPENSIVE! I'd stick with MA for a few more years. Find a girl after high school or maybe after college (or trade school or whatever). Being unattached allows you maximum freedom to explore what you like. Do that now. Later, look for that someone special.

Peace
Dennis

[Kirk]

Originally posted by Abbax8

Here's a suggestion from a happily married man with kids. At 15 you should concentrate on your school work, your MA interests, and other hobbies you may have. Go to school dances and such if you have the interest. If your family is involved in church, go to the activities it sponsors. Beware, you may get a girlfriend by being yourself. Then you need to schedule her into your activites. Cuts down on training time and can be EXPENSIVE! I'd stick with MA for a few more years. Find a girl after high school or maybe after college (or trade school or whatever). Being unattached allows you maximum freedom to explore what you like. Do that now. Later, look for that someone special.

Peace
Dennis

GREAT Advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hollywood1340]

Fellow artists,
That is the best advice I've heard in a long time. As a 21yo (As of 10/30/02) this is hard time in your romance life. But right now if you ask I say "I'm married to the Martial Arts as no woman in her right mind will have me. Just have to find one in her wrong mind". There are many fish in the sea, and from what I've been told, they'll be there for quite some time :)
Stay well,

[TkdWarrior]

dude something is wrong...very wrong...
i bet u r not at rite place... u r lookin for advice in Martial arts Forum...??? most(100%) of MAis't r insane :D MAists r worst ppl when it comes to relationships advice :D(no offence dudes it includes me as well)...go find a relationship n dating forum u hav better chances there ;)
-TkdWarrior-

[Kirk]

Originally posted by TkdWarrior

dude something is wrong...very wrong...
i bet u r not at rite place... u r lookin for advice in Martial arts Forum...??? most(100%) of MAis't r insane :D -TkdWarrior-


Yep, but we find good company!:D

[ace]

:drink2tha

[GouRonin]

You're all either drunk or high.

Dood! Date as many women as you want in high school. That is what high school is for.

[Kirk]

Originally posted by GouRonin

You're all either drunk or high.

Dood! Date as many women as you want in high school. That is what high school is for.

Hmmm, another valid point. I was more of the "party dog" in H.S.
while a very close friend was extremely focused on academics.
He made the comment that if he had to do it all over again, he
would've partied more, and I said I would've studied more. Guess
it's all based on perspective. I say a serious relationship can wait.
Dating on the other hand ... should be enjoyed while you're still
young.

[Master of Blades]

Im high but thats beside the point. I always find that a gun to the forehead makes them like you pretty fast. But other then that I havnt been very successful......

[Nightingale]

people should definitely date in high school. if you don't, you end up kinda naive. if you get your heart stomped on good when you're in high school (and it'll seem devastating at the time, but you get over it really, really quick), then you tend to approach adult relationships with a little more caution and tend to wait until you know someone before falling madly in love.

realize that the person you're with in high school probably isn't the person you're going to be with forever, because you both still have a lot of growing to do, but they're someone who can teach you a lot. Just try to look at it this way... treat the girl you're out with the way you would like a guy to treat your future wife.

[kenposcum]

Okay.
First of all, don't be yourself. That's a total crock. If you were being yourself, you'd fart and then giggle incoherently for fifteen minutes. The chicks don't dig that. What you're looking for is the facade of sophistication. Get a confederate to fart and giggle in front of you, and then roll your eyes (suppress laughter) and say something to the tune of "Oh, grow up."
Second, pick a genre. If you can, jock it up. If not, become Mr. Punk Rock Guy, Burnout Boy, Debate Dave, Thespian Theo. Look at it this way...the jock guy gets the jock groupies. The punk rock guy gets the punk rock chick. But without an identity, particularly in high school, you're screwed. Nobody's going to care about how nice and sweet you are.
Third, spy. View your situation as if you're going to war. No one would go to war without intelligence, right? Plant electronic listening devices everywhere she might be. Tap her phones. Get a quality pair of binoculars to gather intelligence on her at home.Fourth, and I alluded to this earlier, use bribery and confederates. You're into the martial arts: get somebody to "attack" her, and POW, here comes our hero Deathtrap to kick ass and send the assailant running off! Cue harp music, Cupid firing a salvo into her luscious...uh, soul. Bribe her friends. Most chicks in high school would sell their friends to the Jawas, because they're really only there to compete with each other anyway.But make with the nice-nice before you try to bribe, and understand that if you're too dorkdified, the intended recipient of the bribe will instead turn on you like the evil snarling Kali incarnation you know her to be, and your humiliation will be great.
And most importantly, be assertive and aggressive. Remember that saying of the SAS, "He who dares, wins."
Good luck.:asian:

[GouRonin]

The advice was going so well, then you went nutty.

[Carbon2]

I think being Mr.Punkrock boy is the road towards getting your lamer ass kicked.

This is just my opinion though. If your a computer dork, find yourself a computer dork girlfriend who thinks being a computer dork isn't so bad.

[GouRonin]

Originally posted by Carbon2
This is just my opinion though.

My opinion is that your opinions really kinda suck. Nothing personal.
:D

[Damian Mavis]

Omg, Carbon2? What did you do to Carbon1!?

Damian Mavis
Honour TKD

[Deathtrap101]

Ok, mhmm....well...I never did really need any advice, but most of its pretty funny stuff. The only problem I have with girls is im shy to ask them out, thats it.I already know girls who like me.

But keep going with the advice that last one was pretty good.

[Bob Hubbard]

Carbon2 got both himself and Carbon1 permanently banned from MartialTalk.

[Damian Mavis]

gee what was the last straw? I guess that was a long time in coming but I honestly thought he had toned it down a bit lately.

Damian Mavis
Honour TKD

[Nightingale]

Originally posted by Deathtrap101

Ok, mhmm....well...I never did really need any advice, but most of its pretty funny stuff. The only problem I have with girls is im shy to ask them out, thats it.I already know girls who like me.

But keep going with the advice that last one was pretty good.

dude, just ask.

the thing is... although you've got no guarantee she'll say yes, if she's a nice girl, she'll be flattered, even if she doesn't return your feelings, so she will be nice about letting you down easy. If she isn't nice about it, she's not someone you'd want to be with anyway.

girls are shy too.... and we're kinda brainwashed into thinking that the guy oughta be the one asking, which is unfortunate.

Try to be her friend first and get to know her. Then, I'd suggest asking her to a movie. Don't call it a date. Just say "would you like to go see (insert name of scary movie here) with me?" and leave it at that. She'll let you know if she's interested in any more than friends. (grab her hand during a scary part... if she likes you, she'll just hang on after the scary part is over...if she doesn't like you, she'll let go, and you have your answer with no bruised egos involved.)

best of luck.

-Nightingale

~~~

[Bob Hubbard]

Carbon was suspended until the end of the month due to some recent posts. His choose to create a 2nd account to circumvent the suspension. By his actions, he chose to be banned. All he had to do was be mature and wait until 11-1-02. Because he didn't, he is now gone.

[Damian Mavis]

Makes sense to me.

Damian Mavis
Honour TKD

[Nyoongar]

Tell them your gay, then when you have lulled them into a false sence of security, jump them and explain that you have never done it with a girl before but she could be the one to turn you back :D :p :rolleyes:

PS: It's never worked for me as I have very high morals and could never so something like that. ha ha

[GouRonin]

Girls dig guys who wear pants.
:rolleyes:

[Nightingale]

pants are good...especially if you have scrawny or really hairy legs. shorts are tolerable. skirts and dresses...don't go there.

[Damian Mavis]

Don't all men have hairy legs? haha

Damian Mavis
Honour TKD

[Nightingale]

I specified REALLY... as in not hair but fur. you know what I mean.

[Nate_Hoopes]

Originally posted by Deathtrap101

Ok, mhmm....well...I never did really need any advice, but most of its pretty funny stuff. The only problem I have with girls is im shy to ask them out, thats it.I already know girls who like me.

But keep going with the advice that last one was pretty good.

dude you sound just like me when i was in HS and still somewhat today, first I'll mention that my job is in fact a computer tech, so i know exactly what your going through. heres the key, first talk to a girl, any girl you like and would consider dating, see how they react, do they seem nervous as all, if so thats a good sign, are they really talkative or rambling around you? that is also a good sign. If you even *think* that this girl might be interested dont just flat out ask her out, that puts a lot of pressure on you, and on her, instead say "Hey you know you seem pretty cool, do u mind if i get your number?" if they say yes, shes almost already agreed to the date.

Now keep in mind women (just like guys) often arent competely honest, so if you get the fake phone # routine dont sweat it we've all been there.

[Kirk]

Nate ... what book does that quote come from?
(in your sig file)

[Master of Blades]

LOL what a weird bunch of people you are......Its a wonder any of you can get a girl :p JOKING before I get any racist attacks........:shrug:

[Nate_Hoopes]

Originally posted by Kirk

Nate ... what book does that quote come from?
(in your sig file)


I can't remember. I first read or rather was read the hobbit and the lord of the rings books when i was 4, read them myself when i was 8 and again at 12, havent read them since, for some reason when i think of J.R.R. Tolkien thats the quote that pops into my head. I plan on reading them again so i may be able to get back to you on this. however i want to say its from the Hobbit.
but dont quote me on that.

[Master of Blades]

Lol........Im not sure but I think thats from the Hobbit too :shrug:

[GouRonin]

Originally posted by Master of Blades
LOL what a weird bunch of people you are......Its a wonder any of you can get a girl

I'm married you dolt!

:D

[Blindside]

Nate ... what book does that quote come from?

I'm guessing here, but I think it is from Bilbo's poem/song about roads and journeys. Look for it late in the Hobbit, or early in Fellowship.

Lamont

[Magua]

you may be desperate but don't appear as such..don't be too aloft either..be yourself is the best advice you could get though..
if there's any questions in particular you have i'd be glad to help bro..holla

[Nyoongar]

Originally posted by GouRonin

I'm married you dolt!

:D

Yeah, but to a woman? ;)

[GouRonin]

Uh huh.

She's a saint.

She has to be to have married me.
:rolleyes:

[Master of Blades]

A "woman" ey Gou......Yeah that would make sense. :D

Anyone else married to anyone "women" and want to prove my statement wrong?:shrug:

[Bod]

Wash