Jealous lovers?

[wee_blondie]

Kind of a personal subject but it would be interesting to see if any of you have had similar experiences.

I was with this guy for 4 years, and in the last two of them I decided to go back to Muay Thai training (I had left when I finished school and you know how it is when you go off to college etc, all you want to do is party!). At first he wasn't too bothered, but seemed to resent the fact that I had chosen a male-dominated sport. Despite my best efforts to assure him that I wasn't looking for a date - just wanted to train - he couldn't accept that as the truth. I invited him on numerous occasions to come down and join in or meet for the odd beer when we had events planned but he always had an excuse.

After a while it became clear that he disliked the amount of time I spent at the gym and would make nasty comments whenever I mentioned that we'd had a particularly good session. His favourite ploy was to mention attack's and such that had been on the news and follow it up with "your kung-fu won't help you there". Needless to say that wound me up on many levels!! :rpo:

I think he just felt like he was the man and should protect me. Not that this is necessarily wrong but I'd hoped that he would understand that I wanted to be able to rely on myself for protection. The main reason he wouldn't come to the gym with me was that he was very competitive and wasn't keen on being shown up by a girl.

Thankfully I got rid of that control freak and am now happy and single, training more and enjoying the rest of my life. :uhyeah: Have any of you had similar problems? What did you do?

It would also be interesting to hear from any guys that might have felt the same about their partner doing MA.

Heather

[SAVAGE]

I had a struggle getting my wife into MA, but now shes aKarate Junkie....Ive created a monster.

[Tarot]

I think he just felt like he was the man and should protect me. Not that this is necessarily wrong but I'd hoped that he would understand that I wanted to be able to rely on myself for protection. Heather
Hopefully you reminded him it's the 21st century and us whittle poor fragile women don't need a men to protect us. ;)

At least your happy now, which is the main thing. IMO, if a significant other gets jealous of someone going to the dojo then I think it's a more deeper issue. Training is just an easier target than to actually have to say what is bugging them.

[stickarts]

I think you hit it on the head when you mentioned there was a control issue.
I met my wife through martial arts and fitness activities and i always encouraged her to do what she wants and what makes her happy.

I was always dedicated to various forms of training and told people this upfront when I started a relationship with them.

Heather, the right guy will encourage you and your training.

[Swordlady]

I've never been in that situation, but I think you nailed it right in the head. Two people in a dating relationship should be willing to accept the other's interests. Honestly, if the person you are dating isn't behaving that rationally about your interests (martial arts or not), how is he going to behave with more *serious* issues down the road? Better to nip those control issues in the bud.

Oh yeah...guys who go on about the "you're the helpless female, so I must protect you" garbage also get on my last nerve.

[Lisa]

Glad you are out of that relationship. My husband and I for quite a few years had different interests. It was our time away from each other and we encouraged each other to pursue our extracirricular activities and worked our schedules of training out to make it possible for the other.

[Carol]

"Your Kung Fu won't help you there..." OH that is nasty. :(

[MA-Caver]

Jealousy is nothing more than insecurity manifested.
Ceicei and I are close friends with similar interests and go do stuff together. We often times have our own conversation bubble going on, but her husband is that secure enough in their relationship/marriage that he doesn't think about taking the time and (wasted) effort to be jealous.
A man who gets jealous when his significant other spends a lot of time in a male dominate activity isn't really the big strong male his gal fell for. Particularly is she isn't interested with those other guys that way in the first place.
In a word.... Loo-hoo-ooh-hoo-zzerr. :D

[wee_blondie]

Nice to hear that I'm not the only one who realises that this guy was a loser!

So have any of you sparred against a partner? Did it cause any problems or did you just have fun with it??

[Jonathan]

Nice to hear that I'm not the only one who realises that this guy was a loser!

So have any of you sparred against a partner? Did it cause any problems or did you just have fun with it??

At one point, when I was still single, a lady friend of mine and I had discussed doing some light sparring.

It became code for flirtation, in a friendly, fun kind of way. We never actually did get a chance to spar, though I don't imagine we would've really had any problems with it.

[Tarot]

Hubby and I train together and practice with each other at home. So yes, we spar together a lot. I know it's not everyone's bag, but I love being able to do that with him. :D