Best piece of office equipment in a self defense situation?

[beau_safken]

Ok sitting at the office has led me to the idea of if I had to grab one piece of something quickly from my desk to defend myself..what would it be?

Looking around there are some many fun things.

1) Scotch tape dispenser. Has a nice little teeth thing on the front for grinding into someone and a nice weight to it for a good old smack.

2) Inbox: Nice a sturdy wire mess that could be a nice shield or deflector

3) Inner office memo envelopes: Bright and yellow, so could be good for throwing up to distract.

4) Rubber stamp: Nice and sturdy fistpack with the added bonus of leaving a guaranteed mark. Nothing like a big PAID or RECEIVED stamp to show you mean business.

5) Scissors: Need we go on?

6) Staple Remover: Just a little pinch of that bad boy will do a lot of damage.

7) Stapler: Open that guy up and use as a nice baton while giving your attacker a nice staple in the ass to remember you by.

What others can you guys think of?

[shesulsa]

Light duty 3-hole punch, notebooks (also good for shield, as is trash can), letter opener, ruler, chair ...

[Carol]

computers

monitors

desks

phones

mice

keyboards

cables

telecom switches (just kidding!!)

[shesulsa]

beverage cup, beverage, name plate, notion jar ...

[beau_safken]

Novelty pens, crazy straws and the computer speaker bandoleers

[shesulsa]

:lol:

Necktie, shoe, belt ....

Man, this is a dangerous crowd! :lol:

[beau_safken]

Well just call me:

Beau "Office Ninja" Safken I guess.

Oh how about those large metal paper clips that look like clamps? A little titty twister action with two of those large ones would do the trick.

[thescottishdude]

I wouldn't escalate it to throwing objects when you don't have to. Using you fists and kicking is more effective than throwing hole punches anyway.

[shesulsa]

Uhhh ... I don't think the purple nurple action qualifies as a defense technique ....:lookie:

[mantis]

stapler is a go!

whackyourboss.com
there's 14 of them, last time i checked

[Kenpobldr]

Does my assistant count as a weapon?

[Ping898]

Let's not forget the soda cans, and unopened can, shaken, not stirred :D would be good if the attacker is not right on top of you.

[terryl965]

Letter opener
Scissors
pictures
and last but not least the gun in the drawer.
Terry

[elder999]

I once clocked a nutjob who "challenged me' at the dojo with a phone, and choked him with the receiver cord!

Phones were much heavier back then, though.......

Scissors are around, and that computer monitor would make a wicked mess if you could crash it over someone's head so that they went through the screen....

[mantis]

I once clocked a nutjob who "challenged me' at the dojo with a phone, and choked him with the receiver cord!

Phones were much heavier back then, though.......

now you have to use a cell phone
gotta feed him the batteries to choke on

[Cruentus]

When I worked in an office, I had a neck knife that I could pull from between my shirt buttons behind my tie.

But I would say that the best piece of office equiptment is a pistol. It could help you close a deal too.... :)

Funny but true story:

there was an Insurance salesman who, in order to close a deal on life ins. pulled out a real pistol and pointed it at the husband and yelled, "Bang!!!! Your dead!" Then he turned to the wife and quietly said, "Now....what are YOU and your kids going to do?"

When I heard that I was rolling on the floor laughing. Needless to say, they didn't buy the policy, and the guy was fired and rightfully faced criminal charges. :)

Paul

[beau_safken]

Holy crap Paul...no joke?? Thats a hell of a cliffhanger but maybe just the finger gun would do the trick next time.

[Cruentus]

Holy crap Paul...no joke?? Thats a hell of a cliffhanger but maybe just the finger gun would do the trick next time.

Yea no joke. I never met the guy, but what a moron!

[Jonathan]

Pens.

Scissors.

Tape dispenser.

Ruler.

Go for the eyes, fingers (pen between the fingers is ouchy-hurty, as I understand it); anything vulnerable.

[beau_safken]

Yea no joke. I never met the guy, but what a moron!

Damn... :whip: What a dumbass :D

[Rich Parsons]

Well Paul Trumped me with the "Gun".

I used to have some conduit piping in my cube. It made for a nice training stick. Problem is that it kept disapearing. :(

[MardiGras Bandit]

The blade from a paper cutter would be nice, if you could wrench it off. A powerstrip swung above the head could make a nice flail, or at least a silly one...

A pinkslip?

[masherdong]

Throw your boss at them. lol

[still learning]

Hello, Just wanted to add this...Paper weights...most time they are small and heavy....great to throw at someone to slow them down.....Aloha

[bobster_ice]

A pen made out of titanium!!!!

[bobster_ice]

Throw your boss at them. lol

lmao!

[Jenna]

Ok sitting at the office has led me to the idea of if I had to grab one piece of something quickly from my desk to defend myself..what would it be?

Looking around there are some many fun things.

1) Scotch tape dispenser. Has a nice little teeth thing on the front for grinding into someone and a nice weight to it for a good old smack.

2) Inbox: Nice a sturdy wire mess that could be a nice shield or deflector

3) Inner office memo envelopes: Bright and yellow, so could be good for throwing up to distract.

4) Rubber stamp: Nice and sturdy fistpack with the added bonus of leaving a guaranteed mark. Nothing like a big PAID or RECEIVED stamp to show you mean business.

5) Scissors: Need we go on?

6) Staple Remover: Just a little pinch of that bad boy will do a lot of damage.

7) Stapler: Open that guy up and use as a nice baton while giving your attacker a nice staple in the ass to remember you by.

What others can you guys think of?
Hey Beau ya big samurai of the stapler :), what the h3ll sort of office do you work in?? :D If these martial thoughts like yours constitute part of normal office life: using your boss as a human shield, your ballpoints as throwing darts and your Coca Cola as makeshift pepperspray, then all I can say is thank the lord I work a proper job AND I'd love to be a fly on the wall in your weekly team "meetings", any disagreements must be, um... eventful, ha!

Just jokin wid ya! You just keep practising that coffee cup kata, you never know who's lurking at the coffee machine waiting to garotte you with their mouse cable *sideways glances* ;)

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

[MJS]

I wouldn't escalate it to throwing objects when you don't have to. Using you fists and kicking is more effective than throwing hole punches anyway.

Throwing something can serve as a distraction to buy you some time for an escape.

As for the topic of discussion...I can't really think of anything that hasn't already been mentioned. It really is amazing at how many everyday items we have around us as potential tools to use!:ultracool

Mike

[beau_safken]

Hey Beau ya big samurai of the stapler :), what the h3ll sort of office do you work in?? :D If these martial thoughts like yours constitute part of normal office life: using your boss as a human shield, your ballpoints as throwing darts and your Coca Cola as makeshift pepperspray, then all I can say is thank the lord I work a proper job AND I'd love to be a fly on the wall in your weekly team "meetings", any disagreements must be, um... eventful, ha!

Just jokin wid ya! You just keep practising that coffee cup kata, you never know who's lurking at the coffee machine waiting to garotte you with their mouse cable *sideways glances* ;)

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

When you work for a .com, its one nightmare after another ;). I like the title thou... Sweet...

[Rich Parsons]

The blade from a paper cutter would be nice, if you could wrench it off. A powerstrip swung above the head could make a nice flail, or at least a silly one...

A pinkslip?


I did not mention the paper cutter as I do not want anyone to remove it from my office. ;)

[Lisa]

Pot of hot coffee in the face would be good if you can get to it. :)