I am just curious as to how many other ladies here have been pursued by another martial artist, when you have made it clear that you are not interested, not even in being friends.

I have been contacted (via email relay and private messages on MA boards) by guys seeking a sexual high by gettinh beaten by a woman. These are easy to deal with, delete and ignore.

But have you ever had an experience where you made friends with someone that seemed normal and turned out scary??

My experience in a nutshell... I started talking to a guy when we got in a heated discussion ont a board about sparring. he gave me some useful tips that worked when I tried them- I was very appreciative, and thanked him. He was my age (25) and since he was halfway across the country, I had no qualms about talking MA (and ONLY ma, no other type of talk or lead-ons!!) I made the mistake of telling him I was about to be in my first tourney- he asked when, what type. Being a dumbass, I just gave him the URL to the website for the tourney. He then started making sexual suggestions that turned right to disgusting propositions.

You guessed it- he then sent me a picture, and a message that he was coming. Across the country. To my tourney. I told him that was NOT cool with me, I was not into that. He was free to go wherever he wanted but I did not want to meet him after the stuff he had said.
Frankly, I did not believe that he was going to show up.

He did show up at the tourney, and he looked around for me. Thankfully, he had no clue what I looked like, or my schools name, etc. I held my breath as he walked within inches of me a few times (it was a big tourney so I felt safe)

He left after he competed. it was pretty freaky. I just stayed next to my brother the whole time (he is a physically huge TKD freak, and was also competing) and acted non chalant. He emailed me some psycho stuff after that but I never replied other then to tell him I gave the emails and all of his messages to the police in my hometown and that I was going to press harrassment charges if he ever contacted me again....

Anyone else have a story like this? The whole thing was so weird-I felt liek such a dumbbutt for getting snowed by a psycho. I am a heck of a lot more cautious now. Almost to the point of being a *****, sadly, but a woman's gotta do....

I am sorry to hear that happen to you. Make sure if that happens here that you let the moderators know. How did you do in the tourney knowing that this creep was around? Things I told my women's self defense class: Don't use your name on license plate, Don't list your self in the phone book as a single person. Use initials instead. People will use as much info to find out more about you if you give it out for free.
Bob:asian:

Just an admin note here:
If you feel you are being harrassed let us know. We will cooperate with law enforcement if the need for legal action becomes needed. Our goal here is to make this the most comfortable MA board around. Cant do that without our members help.

:asian:

Girlychuks:

There is no easy solution when one gets caught in a stalking situation. It sounds like you handled it well, however. I can also understand how it would be hard to find the line between setting your bounderies and being a "*****."

This of course makes it difficult for the good single men to meet nice young ladies; the nice young ladies are constantly having to screen for psycho's!

This is one reason that I am glad I'm not single!

Seriously though, if anything like that were to ever happend here, let the moderators know.

Talk to you later!
:)

it was a much larger, un-moderated board.
I have to say the gentlemen here are just that, GENTLEMEN.
Not one of you has creeped me out at all...

As for the tourney, I got 1st in sparring (6 other women)
and 3rd in forms (out of 5)
I had FUN!!

Girlychuks,

Sorry, to hear about the bad situation.

I found the following to work well with those people who seem to think that your statement of no to them means that you have found something wrong with them.

"At this time My Psychologist and I agree that it is best for me not:
to see anyone at this time.
to have any additional stress in my life.
Fill in the blank here"

Just trying to give some information that might help you out.

Best Regards

Rich

I had an ex boyfriend follow me to a karate tournament (Stan Witz's) in Vegas.

The guy is a total creep, and I have no idea what the heck I saw in him in the first place, but here's the story:

I had run into him at the renaissance faire the weekend before, and made polite conversation when he approached me. He asked if I was going to be at faire the next weekend (most of the time, a silly question...I'm at faire EVERY weekend its running) and I said "No. I've got a karate tournament in Vegas." That was it. one sentence about what I was doing.

He showed up. Vegas is 400 miles from where I live and he showed up. Complete with flowers and disgusting (read: explicit) love letter. He called the Nevada tourist information center and they told him where it was and he approached me when I was scorekeeping a kata ring and I tried to get him to go away. I was really scared, because the guy isn't mentally stable and frequently went off his medication. Between divisions, the center judge called me up, sensing a problem. I told him that my creepy ex boyfriend had followed me to Vegas. This judge was a pretty big guy, and wearing quite a few stripes. He walked up to my ex, who is really puny, and loomed over him and just said in this really menacing voice "Leave. Now." My ex turned white as a sheet and literally ran out of the ballroom.

I haven't seen him since.

I didn't catch the name of the judge, but sir, if you're reading this, thanks.

Y'all should keep the letters/PM's/emails etc for :

1) Legal protection, if need be
2) As an example to other potential victims
3) The entertainment of others :D

Hey there...

No I haven't had the experices that a few of you girls have had.. and i'm really happy at how you handled yourself in the situations.. WTG;)
I do somtimes get funky vibes about some guys that first come into the dojang.. I feel like theres something about them I just can't put my finger on.. somtimes it goes away and the guy is acutally great.. and we have fun in class..
but even outside of MA.. i get that uneasy gut feeling about people.. (women too!)... I just go with my gut until i can figure out what's buggin me.. if i can't.. i try to avoid those people!!

:shrug:

I get that uneasy feeling when women come into the school for
their free week of lessons. It's like a lot of the guys there are
staring at various body parts, and trying to hard to "get to know
them" .. oddly enough we have only 2 women in our school ...
1 is married, the other is in her 60's. I love my school and the
instructors, I feel very lucky to have found it .. but it's not a
single's bar!

1. Too many people treat the training hall like a singles bar...women and men. A lot of times I get the feeling that certian individuals (female) read something like cosmo that tells them to take Karate to meet men, and that's exactly what they do. And some guys are always on the prowl, and they need to realize when to cool it.

2. I do have to say though, A LOT of the times when someone gets a weird feeling about another person, it has more to do with the person who has the feeling (and all of their emotional baggage) then the other person. There are a lot of psycho's out there, but MOST people aren't psycho. Take a chance to get to know the "weird" person in safe area's (where other people are around, and your not alone with them). You might be amazed at what you find, and I'll bet that most of the time they are harmless. This will help you out in the long run, because now you don't have to be uncomfortable everytime you run in to them.

:soapbox: :)

Originally posted by Kirk

I get that uneasy feeling when women come into the school for
their free week of lessons. It's like a lot of the guys there are
staring at various body parts, and trying to hard to "get to know
them" .. oddly enough we have only 2 women in our school ...
1 is married, the other is in her 60's. I love my school and the
instructors, I feel very lucky to have found it .. but it's not a
single's bar!

I used to get hit on at the studio all the time, usually by men in their 30s or so, and I was 15 or 16! However, now, they come in as white belts, and see me teaching the beginner's class... I don't get hit on anymore. I think its because when I'm teaching, I'm all business, and I'm tougher on my classes than the male instructors are (unfortunately, I've found that I have to be to earn the respect of the white belts. They see a woman at the front of the class and think its going to be an easy class. by the time they get their purple, they're used to seeing me in authority, and its not nearly as much of an issue). In class, I make it clear that I am there to train and nothing else. My hair is back in a french braid and tucked under so it stays out of my way. I don't wear make-up or jewelry. I walk into the studio in my uniform and leave the same way, or in warm-ups if its cold. People tend to be very surprised when they see me outside of class.

I have to disagree some what with Paul on the statement

2. I do have to say though, A LOT of the times when someone gets a weird feeling about another person, it has more to do with the person who has the feeling (and all of their emotional baggage) then the other person.

I'm not saying this statement is totaly wrong but I rely on that inner voice when it tells me I should be leary(sp) of a person. I know my wife completely listens to this "voice" inside her when she mets people and even when she has known someone for a long while, if she gets an uneazy feeling she is cautious of that person. I must say that her "feelings" about someone have been correct more times thaan not.

On there other hand I will agree that personal "hangups" may also give one a feeling of unrest but usualy for a reason.

ok, just my personal thoughts on this one

Shadow:asian:

tshadowchaser: I'm not saying this statement is totaly wrong but I rely on that inner voice when it tells me I should be leary(sp) of a person.

Fair enough to disagree....so perhaps I should clarify.

Understand, I am not advocating for someone to completely ignore their inner-voice, because that voice is an important self defense tool, but what I am saying is to interpret the voice logically. Obviously if you are in an area away from help, where someone could hurt you if they wanted to, and you get an ill feeling about someone, DON"T try to get to know them at that moment....get yourself out of there!

But we weren't talking about that; we were talking about a guy who might "creep you out" who walks into the training hall. Look at it logically. Why does he creep you out? Maybe your concern is warrented, but maybe it isn't. DON"T go off alone with the guy, but maybe having a conversation with him, or just observe him in a safe environment will help you pin-point why he creeps you out, and if it is warrented or not.

I just find that everyone has THEIR OWN reality and baggage. I'm not making a value judgement on anyone's baggage; it may very well be justifyable. I just find that often (remember, I'm not talking about an emergancy self-defense situation, I'm talking about "guy walks into a dojo") people are looking at a situation through their own reality, and not logically. I even do that myself sometimes.

I'm just asking for people to analize something logically before making a judgement. It will help in the long run!

Thanks!
:cool:

yeah this is something not alot of guys worey about.

But I would like to point out that sometimes guys are nice to women just because they aresuch a minority in the MA world, I know in my JKD class of students that have stayed more than 3 months we have only two women, most women don't realy get into the sparing or the harder contact aspects so when one of the women shows any intrest basicly all the guys stop what they are doing to give her a shot and to help her out.. it's not like we are hitting on them it's just we would like to see them spar more.

Originally posted by sweeper

yeah this is something not alot of guys worey about.

But I would like to point out that sometimes guys are nice to women just because they aresuch a minority in the MA world, I know in my JKD class of students that have stayed more than 3 months we have only two women, most women don't realy get into the sparing or the harder contact aspects so when one of the women shows any intrest basicly all the guys stop what they are doing to give her a shot and to help her out.. it's not like we are hitting on them it's just we would like to see them spar more.

There's a big difference between being nice and hitting on someone, and I think most girls can tell the difference, although sometimes guys are so subtle they leave us wondering what exactly they're looking for, but hitting on someone usually involves some kind of comment about the female's appearance, and a request for either a phone number, dinner, or a movie or something. Being nice is "let me show you a new technique." or "you look like you're having trouble with that kata, can I help?" hitting on someone is "let me show you a new technique, sweetie, and by the way, you look really good today. Are you free on saturday night?"

The first is always appropriate in class. The second never is. Hitting on someone after class is still a little iffy, but NEVER during.

Originally posted by nightingale8472




Being nice is "let me show you a new technique." or "you look like you're having trouble with that kata, can I help?" hitting on someone is "let me show you a new technique, sweetie, and by the way, you look really good today. Are you free on saturday night?"


If anyone EVER called me "sweetie" on the dojo mat, they'd be flattened.

If anyone EVER called me "sweetie" on the dojo mat, they'd be flattened.

:p He he

As they should be!:D

Originally posted by girlychuks



If anyone EVER called me "sweetie" on the dojo mat, they'd be flattened.

I don't have that problem any more, but back when I was 15 or 16, I got that ALL the time. It was very annoying, because I certainly wasn't doing anything to encourage them.

Originally posted by girlychuks



If anyone EVER called me "sweetie" on the dojo mat, they'd be flattened.
I do that all the time!:rofl: Ok, so she is my wife.:rofl:

all right well that doesn't happen in my school :-p maybe if someone brings their girlfreind in, but other than that...

Originally posted by nightingale8472

I had an ex boyfriend follow me to a karate tournament (Stan Witz's) in Vegas.

The guy is a total creep, and I have no idea what the heck I saw in him in the first place, but here's the story:

I had run into him at the renaissance faire the weekend before, and made polite conversation when he approached me. He asked if I was going to be at faire the next weekend (most of the time, a silly question...I'm at faire EVERY weekend its running) and I said "No. I've got a karate tournament in Vegas." That was it. one sentence about what I was doing.

He showed up. Vegas is 400 miles from where I live and he showed up. Complete with flowers and disgusting (read: explicit) love letter. He called the Nevada tourist information center and they told him where it was and he approached me when I was scorekeeping a kata ring and I tried to get him to go away. I was really scared, because the guy isn't mentally stable and frequently went off his medication. Between divisions, the center judge called me up, sensing a problem. I told him that my creepy ex boyfriend had followed me to Vegas. This judge was a pretty big guy, and wearing quite a few stripes. He walked up to my ex, who is really puny, and loomed over him and just said in this really menacing voice "Leave. Now." My ex turned white as a sheet and literally ran out of the ballroom.

I haven't seen him since.

I didn't catch the name of the judge, but sir, if you're reading this, thanks.

If that happens again and he doesn't get the point, give it to him. Borrow a pencil from one of the judges or someone and stab him in the thigh and tell him to bugger off.
:mad:

GOU,

Remind me not to tick you off!!!

lol ;)

I rarely get angry. People who know me know that. I may come off as grumpy but I am pretty casual.

Even when I am mad I just get very quiet and prefer to be left alone.

If I go beyond that then I go postal. I'm a firm believer that if you're going to go to jail for homicide you might as well take as many people as your can before you go.
:rolleyes:

Originally posted by GouRonin

I'm a firm believer that if you're going to go to jail for homicide you might as well take as many people as your can before you go.
:rolleyes:

Now im really scared of you!!!!! ;)

I'm a nice guy. I'm just looking at this from a logical standpoint. In jail if someone asks you why you're in and you say, "Oh I killed someone." Then they might say, "Oh yeah? Me too." Then they still might %$#@ with you. But if they ask you what you're in for and you say something like, "I killed the population of a small town before they stopped me." Well then, they're more likely to leave you alone

I like to be left alone.
:shrug:

I met Gou, and he doesn't seem as crazy as everyone else said he was. And he knows what he's talking about too. So, all that time spent in Maximum secerity prison for wiping out that town must have done some good!

:p
PAUL

P.S. He is a nice guy too. Just be careful not to look him in the eye for to long, laugh, smile, yell, spit, chew loud, burp, call him by anything besides "Almighty Gou", breath hard, shrug your shoulders, scratch yourself, hiccup, or move suddenly, and you should be fine. He's been known to shank people for less then any of the above.

:rofl:

Originally posted by GouRonin

I'm a nice guy. I'm just looking at this from a logical standpoint. In jail if someone asks you why you're in and you say, "Oh I killed someone." Then they might say, "Oh yeah? Me too." Then they still might %$#@ with you. But if they ask you what you're in for and you say something like, "I killed the population of a small town before they stopped me." Well then, they're more likely to leave you alone

I like to be left alone.
:shrug:

this actually makes sense in a psychotic, hannibal lector type of way.

So if we see Gou checking out the wine list and holding a can of fava beans we should worry? :D

Originally posted by PAUL
I met Gou, and he doesn't seem as crazy as everyone else said he was.

See? I'm not Crazy. It's everyone else. Not me.
:rolleyes:

Originally posted by PAUL
And he knows what he's talking about too.

Well, finally someone admits to this. Thank you.
:eek:

Originally posted by PAUL
Maximum secerity prison for wiping out that town must have done some good!

I said...I worked in corrections. Worked! WOOOORKED!
:rolleyes:

Originally posted by PAUL
P.S. He is a nice guy too. Just be careful not to look him in the eye for to long, laugh, smile, yell, spit, chew loud, burp, call him by anything besides "Almighty Gou", breath hard, shrug your shoulders, scratch yourself, hiccup, or move suddenly, and you should be fine. He's been known to shank people for less then any of the above.

This is why I am letting Paul crash at my place if he comes for the seminar. I know that if I need an extra knife he'll be packing. Heh!
:rofl:

Originally posted by Kaith Rustaz
So if we see Gou checking out the wine list and holding a can of fava beans we should worry?

**thuppt, thuppt, thuppt, thuppt**
:shrug:

Ok now I'm NERVOUS about coming up to London!!!

What's is going to be instore for me.. LOL:p

I haven't bitten anyone in a long, long, time.

Seriously though, you might want to think about coming up for the seminar at the school that Dot/Lifewise belong to.

Heck I'd suggest that we make it a martialtalk event. It's no particular style per say and anyone can learn what is being taught. It's knife work. I'll talk to the guy putting it on but I bet that anyone who wants to come from here will just say that they heard about it on martial talk and they'll get the 5 dollar discount. I think that the people on this board who can should get together.

Except me. I don't like any of you.
:rolleyes:

This type of thread never goes out of date..

thoughts?

Yes. After trying all other possible actions (in no particular order: asking, warning of possible consequences, ignoring the person, never being alone when the person might appear) I ended up filing a restraining order, which was effective, although I've heard that for some people, this is insufficient.

I must say, the thoughts about this topic really have evolved over the years....For the better! 20 years ago my sister dated a guy in high school. By senior year, he wanted to get married, she wanted to break up. He followed her home from school, & work etc. He didn't take the hint of, "I'm not into you anymore." There wasn't such a thing as "stalking" back then. (At least not the term, anyway).

The cops would do nothing cuz, "He hadn't done anything to her." So, my father went & picked him up at his college in another state. (Told him his dad was sick & my dad was sent to get him). Brought him back to our town, told him why he really brought him there & kicked his butt in the parking lot of the hospital where he said the kid's father was.

When it went to court, my dad was ordered to pay a fine. He told the judge, "I won't leave until you put a restraining order on him not to be near my daughter!" The judge was dumbstruck. He said, "You beat him up & you want a restraining order on Him?!" When my dad explained that he did all this (including bringing the kid back to his hometown to have a local arrest/trial) just because the police wouldn't do anything before...the judge agreed & put a restraining order on this guy for 2 years.

I'm so glad the laws have been changed to help stalking victims.

My sister dated a douche bag about 3 years ago who none of us liked, but anyway she was what 20-21 at the time so it was her life. So when the obvious happenned and she broke up with this guy, this guy would not take no for an answer. He would leave messages on her cell phone and would leave stuff on her email and if she would change her number he would some how get a hold of it through the company. Anyway, this went on for about a year or so, the police could not do anything because of the same similarities as Iceman's post, finally she met her fiancee a year later and apparently the guy got the picture.

You may be asking why I did not do anything? Well I was in college at the time, my sister should have known better, the guy never went over to her place he was just particularly annoying and if I would have called him up and he said he would not stop, I d probably gone to jail that day.

It's spooky how something that happened long ago stays in my memory

At the time I was about 21 and on hiatus from college and working for a retail chain. At the company picninc, I met "Guy", who had just joined one of the other stores as an assistant manager. I got an uneasy feeling about him, but I ignored it. I ran in to Guy once on a bus to the airport, the conversation was polite and friendly. The weirdness I felt disappeared.

About a month later, I quit my job to return to school. I posted flyers to sell some stuff I needed to sell. The phone rang...Guy. That weird feeling came right back. I told him all we have left to sell is our couch. He said that he wasn't interested in the couch. He called back a few times. A week later, I moved to the city, happy that I would never have to see the likes of Guy again.

Not long after that the weather started getting cold. I was out with two friends, but when the wind picked up, I cursed the fact that I was wearing a miniskirt. My friends teased me. A form approaches me on the sidewalk "I think your skirt is just right." The tone was chilling enough to make the three of us fall silent. I asked Guy what he was doing in Boston. He pointed to a new storefront...my old chain had opened a store in the city. In my neighborhood. He took a transfer, then indicated that I was the reason why he transferred. "Can we be friends?" he asked. My response was unprintable. Shortly after that the phone calls started up again. I would often see him near my apartment building.

I wasn't sure what to do. I finally called a girl I used to work with and told her about the crap that guy was pulling. Soon after that, Guy disappeared.

I once bumped up against some folks that I worked with at the store where I met Guy. I asked what happened to him, they all fell silent. Quickly. They mumbled words like "investigation" and "stolen property" and "other states". I haven't seen him since.

It's not that often when I get a very uneasy feeling about someone or
something. But since then, I've paid heed.

There's a book by a guy named Gavin DeBecker (I think its called, "The Gift of Fear") that talks about that inner voice that tells when a situation (or person) isn't right. He says we often ignore it cuz its just seems silly or impolite or something. Lady Kaur, I'm glad you didn't ignore your's w/ Guy.

I just started reading The Gift of Fear. It's been a very interesting read.

I wish I had listened more to what my "inner voice" was telling me at the time. I've gotten better at listening to my intuition, it was quite a wakeup call.

That is pretty scary I must say. Up until you said that he had moved to Boston I was like this guy is an annoying sob, once you said he took the transfer on account of you, well that is just down right scary.

This type of thread never goes out of date..

thoughts?

So true! Another point to consider is that not all stalking is sexually related - some is simple psycho vengeance. I was harrassed for well over a year in 1995 (the year the Internet really took off) by a man who disagreed with me on a current events forum. Apparently he had some skill as he was able to find out enough about me to get my work number, home number, etc. Scary situation. Finally, he must have found someone else. Things are better now as many of the jurisdictional problems have been worked out.

On edit: one of the great things about Martial Talk is that, should you decide so, only the Administrators can see your full name should you desire it. Many MA forums are strict on the "full name rule" - then wonder why they don't attract many women to their boards!

Thanks for reviving this thread Kenpo Tess, as the subject is so important.