Keeping Your Training a Secret

[Kodora]

Hello all --

My co-worker/best buddy got me to join her MA school a year ago, and it's been great!

The only thing that's a little tricky is that she's asked me not to tell any of our mutual acquaintances that she's been training in a MA. When I've asked her why, she just states that a "true" martial artist doesn't reveal that they are training.

I understand not yelling about it from the rooftops, or bragging about it at parties, etc, but the whole "cloak and dagger" aspect has been somewhat awkward. Given her job (a high-end jewelry shop) I can see why secret self-defense is a good idea, and I will try my best to keep my friend's confidance; but now that I'm involved, it's hard for me to not let the cat out of the bag. It's such a part of my life now.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? If so, what did you do?



Best,

Kodora

[Andrew Green]

Well, you can still say you are training, just not her...

Kinda silly IMO, some people like to hide themselves though.

[arnisador]

Sounds like you have a balanced viewpoint on this and she may be taken in by the mystique. It's one thing to not tell otehrs about her training, but you should surely be able to discuss your own!

What system is this? Something traditionally secretive?

[Kodora]

What system is this? Something traditionally secretive?

Just American Kenpo, which is fairly self-promotional. ;)

[shesulsa]

I tried to keep my training secret because I didn't want to deal with the challenges and the jeering. Not that I can't cope with it, I just don't like going to someone's house, being the point of ridicule, being challenged and I also notice that people look at me differently like they don't trust me. Non-martial artists (in-laws and such who think MA training it a distant second to a firearm) tend to tiptoe around me and stay close to their loaded weapon - like I'm going to go off suddenly on them.

I've also had men say things to me like, "if I wanted to hurt you, I'd hurt you - your kung fu **** can't save you from me."

Yeah. That's the reason I tried not to spread it around.

[Blindside]

So how does she explain away all the bruises in odd places? One of our brown belts (woman) says that when she goes to work with a black eye, everyone just assumes her husband beats her (or bruises on her arms and legs...).

Lamont

[Kodora]

Blindside wrote:

So how does she explain away all the bruises in odd places? One of our brown belts (woman) says that when she goes to work with a black eye, everyone just assumes her husband beats her (or bruises on her arms and legs...).

Well, she has a cheerfully rough and tumble lifestyle (rides horses, etc.) and a long-sleeved business suit dress code at work.


Shesula wrote:

I tried to keep my training secret because I didn't want to deal with the challenges and the jeering. Not that I can't cope with it, I just don't like going to someone's house, being the point of ridicule, being challenged and I also notice that people look at me differently like they don't trust me. Non-martial artists (in-laws and such who think MA training it a distant second to a firearm) tend to tiptoe around me and stay close to their loaded weapon - like I'm going to go off suddenly on them.

I've also had men say things to me like, "if I wanted to hurt you, I'd hurt you - your kung fu **** can't save you from me."

Wow, that's terrible! :( I'm glad no one gives me a hard time like that. As far as I know, no one heckles my secretive pal, either.

[twayman]

I tell my student to keep a low profile. No sense in inviting conformation. Some folks will provoke just to be an a$$, and put you in a position where you may have to use what you know and those are usually the first to bring in the law. Seems like too much possible trouble for the effort. Also, most martial defenses are served best when you surprise someone. If they know you know how to defend yourself they will be better prepared, although sometimes it scares them away… Hard to tell I would err on the side of surprise.

[Andrew Green]

I've also had men say things to me like, "if I wanted to hurt you, I'd hurt you - your kung fu **** can't save you from me."


And I imagine you reply along the lines of:

"If I wanted to rip off your testicles, I'd rip them off - your big man ego **** can't save them from me?"

[shesulsa]

And I imagine you reply along the lines of:

"If I wanted to rip off your testicles, I'd rip them off - your big man ego **** can't save them from me?"
Something along those lines, yes. And, er, point that thing the other way.

[Andrew Green]

This ninja penguin has gone hi tech ;)

[shesulsa]

looks like he could use some sleep too ...

[Jonathan Randall]

I tried to keep my training secret because I didn't want to deal with the challenges and the jeering. Not that I can't cope with it, I just don't like going to someone's house, being the point of ridicule, being challenged and I also notice that people look at me differently like they don't trust me. Non-martial artists (in-laws and such who think MA training it a distant second to a firearm) tend to tiptoe around me and stay close to their loaded weapon - like I'm going to go off suddenly on them.

I've also had men say things to me like, "if I wanted to hurt you, I'd hurt you - your kung fu **** can't save you from me."

Yeah. That's the reason I tried not to spread it around.

Ditto. Although one useful function is that when martial arts come up, you can immediately tell the insecure, immature types (and save the info for future reference). They'll immediately try to say something to run you down like "what would you do if somebody had a gun, huh? Your Karate wouldn't do you anything then.", or "... there's people who never had a day of martial arts who could tear black belts apart", both statements with truth in them, but their INTENT is to minimize your accomplishments.

Bottom line, yeah, I keep my own MA training fairly secret myself, and yes, I have asked friends not to discuss it (my involvement). It causes too darn much trouble in some circles.

[Lisa]

For me, I don't go around telling everyone I do MA. Okay, maybe I tell them I do if the conversation rolls that way... usually when they look at my arms and give me that "OMG what does your husband do to you" look :D

But saying "true martial artists don't reveal their training" sounds kinda weird to me, how would one promote their art then? How would one get new training partners?

I say if you are having fun and you want to tell people about it, go for it. If she wishes to remain anonymous, accept that, respect it and do your own thing.

[mantis]

this means im no real MAist

[Gin-Gin]

I say if you are having fun and you want to tell people about it, go for it. If she wishes to remain anonymous accept that, respect it and do your own thing.I agree! :)

[Rich Parsons]

Hello all --

My co-worker/best buddy got me to join her MA school a year ago, and it's been great!

The only thing that's a little tricky is that she's asked me not to tell any of our mutual acquaintances that she's been training in a MA. When I've asked her why, she just states that a "true" martial artist doesn't reveal that they are training.

I understand not yelling about it from the rooftops, or bragging about it at parties, etc, but the whole "cloak and dagger" aspect has been somewhat awkward. Given her job (a high-end jewelry shop) I can see why secret self-defense is a good idea, and I will try my best to keep my friend's confidance; but now that I'm involved, it's hard for me to not let the cat out of the bag. It's such a part of my life now.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? If so, what did you do?



Best,

Kodora

She could have had a bad incident in her past where some guy or gal tries something on her and she responds and they get up set.

It almost always happens with the guys I know who make the comment "Oh you train, well I will get Mid-evil on you." ** Stirke a pose ** "Wah"

She could just be trying to avoid the stupid things people do.

[Sam]

I ALWAYS GET what shesula gets.

I don't go screaming it from the roof or anything, but my own sisters think they could take me. So does my brother in law. It's annoying. Why do people assume they can beat something which they don't even have ANY working knowledge of?

[FearlessFreep]

But saying "true martial artists don't reveal their training" sounds kinda weird to me, how would one promote their art then? How would one get new training partners?

Yeah, Kodera, how did you find out about your friend training :)

[rutherford]

I actively encourage people in their opinion that they could kick my ass.

It just makes it easier, should I have too. :idunno:

[Gin-Gin]

I ALWAYS GET what shesulsa gets.Sorry to hear that, Sam.
Why do people assume they can beat something which they don't even have ANY working knowledge of?Ignorance, too many Kung Fu movies, inane stupidity, take your pick. If I were you, I would just ignore them.

[Sam]

it's easier to ignore people who arnt related to you...

*mutters*

[shesulsa]

it's easier to ignore people who arnt related to you...

*mutters*
Indeed it is, Sam ... indeed it is. Got that goin' on right now, as a matter of fact. I have bad news for you - it doesn't usually get any better, only worse and the stakes get higher. Train hard and secretly.

IF they ask about it I just say something like, 'eh it's an exercise program like anything else - Tae Bo, ya know?' and change the subject into something they are a supposed authority on and let them talk for a while.

PM me if you want to discuss this in more depth.


I actively encourage people in their opinion that they could kick my ass.
I do this with a select few - usually the ones who clearly have a need for feeling that they are in control. I'd rather they feel secure that they can kick my ass than try to find ways to power-over me.

[Jonathan Randall]

Indeed it is, Sam ... indeed it is. Got that goin' on right now, as a matter of fact. I have bad news for you - it doesn't usually get any better, only worse and the stakes get higher. Train hard and secretly.

IF they ask about it I just say something like, 'eh it's an exercise program like anything else - Tae Bo, ya know?' and change the subject into something they are a supposed authority on and let them talk for a while.

I do this with a select few - usually the ones who clearly have a need for feeling that they are in control. I'd rather they feel secure that they can kick my ass than try to find ways to power-over me.

I so much hate this crap. I'm not very tall and I used to get this so often around the table at holidays that I stopped telling my family that I was training. It is so annoying because it shows an absolute disrespect for your person. Of course, if these people took ONE karate class, why, they'd come back speaking of their lethality and want to start correcting your technique.

The last straw was when my younger sister's husband was quoted as an authority over me because at one time he practiced from the first volume book of "Bruce Lee's Fighting Method". Never mind that he hadn't had a freakin' day of martial arts training and I went to classes six days a week religiously, and supplemented karate with boxing and judo.

[BrandiJo]

I so much hate this crap. I'm not very tall and I used to get this so often around the table at holidays that I stopped telling my family that I was training. It is so annoying because it shows an absolute disrespect for your person. Of course, if these people took ONE karate class, why, they'd come back speaking of their lethality and want to start correcting your technique.

The last straw was when my younger sister's husband was quoted as an authority over me because at one time he practiced from the first volume book of "Bruce Lee's Fighting Method". Never mind that he hadn't had a freakin' day of martial arts training and I went to classes six days a week religiously, and supplemented karate with boxing and judo. well my parents think that its some great news now at family get togethers and that i can show off and mes around with the two cops in the family and that i should just for the fun of it go at it with them, and ya know if it were just me and htem and we wanted to mess around and see police training against what i know it would be fun, but not a show off my daughter. But aside from they cant even get the art i do right..its always do your kung fu thing or kicking thing to him...im like its taekwondo and id rather just eat/ sit down/ go out side right now

[Marginal]

But saying "true martial artists don't reveal their training" sounds kinda weird to me, how would one promote their art then? How would one get new training partners?


That part's simple. You set up a mini shrine with a katana as the centerpiece. Then when young punks try to steal it, you beat them up, and then train them in your back yard. (Hey, you gotta justify buying all those pulleys somehow....)

[Kodora]

Freep asked:

Yeah, Kodera, how did you find out about your friend training?


I used my powers of mind-reading, of course! ;)

But really, after thinking about it for a week or so, I realise that she really must have her reasons, and I will always respect them -- even if it's a bit awkward sometimes.

I've never been teased/challenged by anyone since I began training. The worst reaction I get is a raised eyebrow, because I'm so tiny in stature and am known to promote non-violence. (I don't even squish spiders). Some people seem to think it's as funny as a chihuhua training to be a police dog.

I don't care. I'm having too much fun.



--K

[Gin-Gin]

That part's simple. You set up a mini shrine with a katana as the centerpiece. Then when young punks try to steal it, you beat them up, and then train them in your back yard. (Hey, you gotta justify buying all those pulleys somehow....):rofl:
I don't care. I'm having too much fun.There you go! :D

[Phoenix44]

a "true" martial artist doesn't reveal that they are training

Yeah, Bruce Lee certainly kept it a secret

:rolleyes:

[DutchKenpo]

Hello,

I got something of the reverse, when I am at my friends hangin out.
Sometimes some of them start to mess around, when I join its over because they are a bit afraid, telling me I might hurt them with my skills and I'm too fast. they are not challenging me at all.

And when I try to show them a new trick I learned and am very excited about they are very un cooperative feeling they probably get hurt.

It's funny to see that of all the people I invite to take a lesson at the school, almost only women show up, ratio 10 to 2.

grtz, Bob

[brothershaw]

THere is definitely some validity to keeping it quiet,
1- Once at a bbq, full of people I dont know (and some of them drunk) my brother in law starts talking about how I do karate ( i dont do karate), it really pissed me off. I dont really talk to him much anymore.
2- Somebody I worked with for years knows and usually brings it up to new people I work with but I downplay it as much as possible ( usually people see I dont like to talk about it much and they stop asking questions).
The average public has no decent concept of martial arts, and even other martial artists from different schools/ styles can be jerks. Which means basically only talking to people on forums or in the school about ma.

[Shaolinwind]

I've also had men say things to me like, "if I wanted to hurt you, I'd hurt you - your kung fu **** can't save you from me."

.

Oooooo I would find it hard not to at least fantasize about putting my whole arm through a person's chest cavity for saying that... Just for being the kind of meathead who'd say that to a woman.

[Shaolinwind]

what would you do if somebody had a gun, huh? Your Karate wouldn't do you anything then.", .

Someone said to me "it doesn't matter what you know, you can't do anything against a 9mm". To which I replied calmly, "That depends on how close you are to me."

But I agree.. Lazy, unmotivated people tend to want to minimize anyone's achievement regardless of what it is.

[arnisador]

Someone said to me "it doesn't matter what you know, you can't do anything against a 9mm". To which I replied calmly, "That depends on how close you are to me."

When I get this I usually say, My hands are with me. Where's your gun?

As to the person who says something like "if I wanted to hurt you, I'd hurt you - your kung fu **** can't save you from me", I usually just smile. Sometimes I agree with them. It drives them crazy.

[Rich Parsons]

When I get this I usually say, My hands are with me. Where's your gun?


I have said the same thing before. Just make sure they are not carrying though. :shrug: I only say this cause, one time they were carrying. :(



As to the person who says something like "if I wanted to hurt you, I'd hurt you - your kung fu **** can't save you from me", I usually just smile. Sometimes I agree with them. It drives them crazy.


I agree, I may not be able to stop them from hurting me, but I should be able to survive the encounter, and then move on.

But what I usaully say is, "Careful, or you will hit me and knock me out, and I might roll over on the ground and break your ankle." ;) This usually confuses them as I smile and walk away.




PS: Post number 8000

[Jonathan Randall]

But I agree.. Lazy, unmotivated people tend to want to minimize anyone's achievement regardless of what it is.

You said it! I can ALWAYS tell who around a dinner table will say things like that - they are always the individuals of low self-respect who will go to any lengths to knock other people's accomplishments. Usually I let it pass when it is aimed at myself; however, when a co-worker was running down a young woman who had just achieved her black belt (unfortunately from a recognized McDojang, still...), I interceded on her behalf and told him it was uncool. Here's a fifty year old lazy man who has to run down a highly motivated young woman who has a thousand times more self-discipline than he EVER had.

[shesulsa]

The response to the gun worshipers - I've said similar things before also; however, this is a double-edged sword. My teacher pointed out a Navy Seal in our class - he outweighed me by at least 50 pounds, was stronger, more knowledgeable and experienced - and asked me, "Georgia, what would you do if someone like him were coming for you?"

".45, Sir."

"Got one?"

"Not on me, Sir."

"Okay, then. Plan B?"

Open mouth, eat own words.

[Shaolinwind]

When I get this I usually say, My hands are with me. Where's your gun?


Very nice, I will have to use that if I ever hear the gun comment again.

[Tgace]

Many times my answer would be.....yes.