Uncommon Valor

[Black Belt FC]

On of my students is faced with the bitter reality that the cancer that grows within him will ultimate consume him. Daily this latent fate is the creeping shadow that pursues one of my students. His experience has taught me many things mainly " ultimate we will die and how you face death will demonstrate your true character whether good or bad".


He for the most part is trying his best to train but most days the movements are slow and unfastened. Even his best efforts are without gain but his bravery is unsurpassed by any past student.

As a master instructor I carry the burden of this secret, I'm not allow to disclose any of my students personal affairs especially if it's a students request. Some of my other students question my leniency during belt test and class towards this student. Some have made their complains vocally and are questioning my commitment to excellence. Someday they will truly understand the depth of the problem at hand; I fear the day will soon come.

For all you students out there if you find a good instructor with integrity try to trust. There're reasons for the things we do and not all of them have to do with making a buck. We stand in a lonely place that few can ever understand. We promote and train students not solely on good body form but also good character and especially students with uncommon valor.

[MA-Caver]

I offer a :asian: to your student for his bravery.


I also offer a :asian: to you for your integrity.

[TigerWoman]

I offer a :asian: to your student for his bravery.


I also offer a :asian: to you for your integrity.

Ditto that. That puts a new perspective on it for us all. For the student, doing martial arts, gives him continuity, some meaning for the rest of his life however short. Its something to hold on to. But he is doing it even when it is difficult - painful even - and he is to be admired for his perseverance and bravery.
It also gives perseverance a much deeper meaning - to continue to reach for a goal that will never be realized.

For you, as his instructor, it must be difficult. But at least, someday unfortunately, it will all be clear and your other students will know why. It is a big burden to carry though. We had a student who had been in a car accident. He had head trauma, lost hearing and had problems with balance. We didn't know, as fellow students. He had been testing with me for the first year then he was gone. He finally came back (I thought from college) and he struggled alot but I saw that he had alot of determination too. I could see that something wasn't right. I didn't know what happened and he didn't want to talk about it. Some 5 years later, he was allowed to do a jump hook break instead of a spinning jump spin heel for his recommended black belt test. I wondered why that was, but finally, my master told us black belts why, at the testing table. Unfortunately, I have seen our master give preferential treatment, ie. easier break to someone who didn't bother to practice that knife or palm break before black belt testing. He wanted her to teach for him as a black belt - the class was scheduled. So, this was my master's choice. But it makes it hard to trust him, have loyalty when it is so apparently wrong. In your case, it appears apparently wrong. So I can see why your students question you. But your integrity is intact and you will have to bear their distrust until you can be exonerated. Then it will be their turn to feel terrible. But life goes on and we all have to forgive and forget.

But we will not forget your student who is so brave..may God Bless Him in his journey... and you too. TW

[glad2bhere]

Dear Black Belt:

At the risk of sounding terse or brusk with what must be a very trying and painful experience I would like to go on record as encouraging you to keep your perspective with the students who is fighting such a dire battle. As much as we feel our heart strings pulled by the trials of others your job, as the teacher is to serve as a coach. If you need an example I can cite an article from a Kung Fu magazine here in the States that told the story of a well-known Tai Chi master who came back from terminal cancer through the intercession of her grandfather who used Tai Chi, Chi Gong and Chinese remedies to pull her back. However, the article is plain that it was the young ladys' struggle and not the grandfathers' who only served as a coach of sorts.

If your other students are remarking on your "leniency" with the student in question perhaps you are being remiss in allowing them to measure their grow so closely by the performance of the people around them rather than by their own "personal best". Were I in such a situation I would not be above having the students make public (maybe even posted) reports of their goals and identify what progress they are making as individuals. Your students would not be the first ones I have heard of who are using the limitations of one person to excuse their own lack of dedication.

Please take this in the supportive manner in which it is given.

Best Wishes,

Bruce

[shesulsa]

I suppose I am old school.

My teacher welcomes ALL walks of life - old, young, deaf, retarded, partially paralyzed, exceptionally intellectual, you name it. All come to him with a different skill level and, instead of turning out soldiers, he turns out people. Some come out of it with a black sash and others don't, but we all grow. He does ask that each of us push ourselves to our individual limit...test our own boundaries...find out who we are.

And he is such an exceptional man, I just do not question his judgement. I figure he's got information I don't have and it's none of my business...I'm not the black belt...and it's not my school, so it's not my place and it never will be...he's my teacher, and I am very blessed.

Likewise, you are teaching this man with the utmost compassion - the test of men...how you carry others into death thus you carry your own self into eternity. You are doing so with love in your heart and this indicates you are a true warrior. Your students are fortunate beyond their comprehension.
God bless this man and you, sir/ma'am and carry you on this quest for true intrinsic and, as you say, uncommon valor. Deep, repeated bows.

Most respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

[kwanjang]

On of my students is faced with the bitter reality that the cancer that grows within him will ultimate consume him.

I am presently organizing a fundraiser for one of my former classmates who is stricken with Pancreatic Cancer. Because folks seem to focus on the disease, few realize that with this disease come many other hardships for these folks. Financial worries are someting they should not have to deal with at this time. As martial art Instructors we seem to take on a role that transcends the normal role of a teacher. It seems we form that special bond often found with soldiers who served together.

Georgia mentioned in her post that she was lucky to have found a teacher like you are. I think so too, and I also believe that Georgia's teacher is lucky he has a a good student in her. My hat off to all of you. :asian:

[shesulsa]

Kom map sam ni da, Kwan Jang Nim. I am truly honored.

[kwanjang]

Kom map sam ni da, Kwan Jang Nim. I am truly honored.

FWIW, we sometimes have to do things for or with a student that may not be readily apparent to the general student body. Most react by questioning such actions, and it is refreshing to see that a student has enough understanding that not everything we do can be explained because we are bound to honor privacy issues.

Your letter reminded me of such situations, and how mature a martial artist you are to just let it be. Too often we forget to acknowledge those who deserve praise for the little things that make life for their Instructor easier. Good students are hard to come by, and I meant what I said. :asian:

[shesulsa]

"FWIW, we sometimes have to do things for or with a student that may not be readily apparent to the general student body."

Yes sir, Kwan Jang Nim, and I have too been the recipient of such benefits of having a teacher (versus an instructor...I do believe they are different).

And, FWIW, perhaps some students go through phases of ego development, wondering what the heck the teacher is doing with so-and-so or why he can't see that whomever isn't doing such-and-such properly, and if they were master they would blah blah blah. Do you think that is so?

IMHO, I think in the best scenarios these behaviors might indicate growing pains. Especially in Black Belt FC's case, hopefully once the inevitable occurs and the unfortunate circumstances are revealed, students will go back home after class and bonk themselves on the head repeatedly with their ranks asking themselves what the heck they were thinking, questioning their teacher's intentions, ability, skill.

My intentions aren't rude, just wondering if this is, indeed, indicative of character development underway?

I thank you again, sir, for your compliments.

Respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

[TigerWoman]

This is NOT about the subjects of this thread but about integrity of a master.

Unfortunately, it is not always true that the master/teacher has integrity. He can profess this value to the high heaven but when he fails this tenet, himself, everything he does comes into question. How can a student trust this person once he had deceived, lied, used others, punished in his own anger, shown disrespect to students, and will not show humility, remorse or even regret. Follow blindly? No, I don't think so. Masters, instructors, are human are are prone to mistakes as we all are. But it is up to them to make the amends. They hold the hearts of the students that have come to trust them.

[kwanjang]

[b][i][color=darkorchid] I have too been the recipient of such benefits of having a teacher (versus an instructor...I do believe they are different).

And, FWIW, perhaps some students go through phases of ego development, wondering what the heck the teacher is doing with so-and-so or why he can't see that whomever isn't doing such-and-such properly, and if they were master they would blah blah blah. Do you think that is so?
Georgia Ketchmark

Hello Georgia:
I think as people have a chance to learn from their own mistakes, it is always an improvement:) Unfortunately, for some this comes very late in life. For example, I went through a period of time when I thought I knew at least as much as my dad did. On a particularly good day, I was even sure of it. As I grew older, I realized just how wrong I had been; unfortunately, my dad had become afflicted with Alzheimers by then. Now he is not with us, I really understand how foolish I was not to learn everything he had to share while he was willing and able. Like I said, some learn too late:(

[shesulsa]

Unfortunately, it is not always true that the master/teacher has integrity. He can profess this value to the high heaven but when he fails this tenet, himself, everything he does comes into question. How can a student trust this person once he had deceived, lied, used others, punished in his own anger, shown disrespect to students, and will not show humility, remorse or even regret. Follow blindly? No, I don't think so. Masters, instructors, are human are are prone to mistakes as we all are. But it is up to them to make the amends. They hold the hearts of the students that have come to trust them.
Agreed, TW. I have known my teacher for eight years and have been through a few trials and tribulations in the early days. I do see him for who he is...a human. I think it's essential that anyone grasp their skill to evaluate who is before them, no matter their walk in life, and have the patience to see where things go. I have had my conflicts with other students and I just waited to see where things went and in time, their true intentions were revealed. I learned to do that from him. I keep my eyes open, I watch him and, his mistakes are his mistakes.

I didn't follow my first teacher blindly, either, and he is now faced with his lies and deception and weakness. I confronted him privately, however - certainly not in front of anyone else. I think being a lamb to the slaughter is foolish...but there is such a thing as respect. I just wouldn't think to wonder out loud why my teacher has relaxed expectations of another student, nor would I allow it to interfere with my training. KJN Ken Corona says 'either your training or complaining.'

Respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

[TigerWoman]

My case is the reverse of this situation between the master and the student. Except no one is dying soon. How would it be if out of spite, your master decides to give you a harder break to do for a test coming up that you have practiced for already a year. And then when he sees it doesn't rattle you, ups the requirement again. He did that with me. I dug deep and trained. I overcame it. Along comes a person who didn't question the master's integrity, didn't want to know, even though she really did know enough but took over my jobs which I stepped down from. She doesn't practice, it was the same break but boards instead of bricks, couldn't even do the palm strike I did as 1st dan. But i shine it on, doesn't affect me. But it was favoritism, and others saw it too. So then, I have been breaking some 200+ boards to do a double jump break for the last year to get to 2nd dan. And he announces that he is going to change the requirements for the future black belt testing. Her 2nd dan test is coming up and she hasn't practiced any breaks. Nor I would say anything "aloud" in class. But somethings don't need to be said. They are being observed by everyone.

[shesulsa]

I think it's quite admirable that you push yourself to excellence above and beyond what others are doing. It's too bad you look upon it as being favoritism (I don't know, perhaps it is). Some traditionalists might say that he is harder on you because he likes you and easier on her to see if she ever steps up to the realization that he's carried her for a while. Then again, do you know everything about this woman? Does she have lupus? arthritis? hemophoelia? Is she having a hard time in life?

Not challenging, seriously asking...do you know this woman's situation?

[TigerWoman]

Yes, I know her quite well. I considered her a friend and still do to some extent. There's alot to this situation. I have felt for a long time as being a student who has had to remain silent and just take it if I wanted to stay in and go to my goal or continue in a martial art that I love. In this case, it is very much on my master who is at fault. Most parents that know have quit the school.

People have come up to me because they have noticed discrepancies like making any break easier except mine. I just shrug and tell them that is the way it is. But its not way however it should be. And btw, I don't WANT an easier break now. I want to push it down his throat as long as I can jump. I want my 2nd dan legally as he originally demanded, except he had additionally upped my power break(and also my 17yr. old daughter to knife/brick just prior to her 2nd dan test) in ANGER at me. Anger at me working against him with two pastors to prevent something that should not have happened.

Would he be harder on me because he likes me. No he does not LIKE me. He would rather that I leave. And please don't say, why don't you then... and not think about what awful process I have gone through for the last 3 years to fight for what I had worked for.

For this, it gives me all the more reason to know what this black belt master, originator of this thread is going through. To suffer silently-and not just this, with no-one to speak in defense of you because "they"- you, Georgia, do not really know the situation. And for that I have to forgive you. Just this, not everything is as cut and dried as you would like to think. Don't always be so sure... but I know your original thinking is admirable, but that only works and I'm not talking about the admirable master of this thread but how your topic evolved to all masters. The master/teacher/instructor does need to stay above reproach or any respect will be surface respect and he WILL be subject to question. TW

[shesulsa]

TigerWoman,

I honestly don't think all masters or black belts should be followed blindly by any stretch of the imagination. My experience with my first instructor taught me that. He was my first husband (we weren't married when I started learning) and used his status as a black belt to manipulate our marriage and me. He also used it to control his other students - all two of them.

It sounds like you have a sucky situation on your hands and I bow to you for making the absolute best of it, as much as you can, anyway. I would do exactly the same thing...stick it out and get what you're working toward. No, I wouldn't advise you to quit at this time, you're too close to 2nd dan and a degree you can truly be proud of.

You know, I had a conflict with a black belt at our school - we used to be best friends. Without getting into detail, things were made quite uncomfortable for me at class, but I didn't care, I went anyway. Over time, things changed, and I still go. The black belt is pretty much gone and I'm glad I stayed.

My ex is now using his BB status to try to manipulate our daughter, who is also a student. She is learning very early on that a black belt is a color on hips, nothing more. What matters is what intentions lie in the heart.

That's why I said my teacher is an exceptional man - yes, he's a black belt and my teacher, and he is a man. I don't just bow to a belt, that's stupid. Everyone who knows me knows the difference between when I bow to a higher rank because I'm supposed to and when I bow to the person wearing it.

Essentially, we agree, TigerWoman. I don't blindly follow anyone (not even my teacher) and don't recommend anyone else do so. I just don't question my teacher because of my experience with him...he is truly one of a kind.

It's really too bad you are going through quite a challenge and I must say, I think you are handling it quite admirably. Do you plan to move on after your 2nd dan test?

[TigerWoman]

Dear Shesulsa,
You are truly lucky to have an honorable man as an instructor. I thought truly, I did too. It took me a long time to trust him, some 4+ years. And it only took about a month or less to destroy it bit by bit when I slowly found out the deceit. But I am trying to keep a positive attitude, as respectful as to anyone, and keep going.

I don't know if I can even continue this jumping to get to the break any more. I'm getting one physical problem after another and it interferes with any practice to get in synch with the double jump. And after I get 2nd, I don't know if he will permit me to just do technique on the floor when he wants jumping all the time. I might feel uncomfortable taking the gentler/kinder route in front of everybody too. And if he shows more favoritism and makes other women's requirements for breaking for 2nd dan, easier, there will be a final confrontation and I will quit. TW

[shesulsa]

TigerWoman,

Is there any possibility of finding another instructor after your test?

[TigerWoman]

Already investigated that a couple of years ago. I talked to another woman 5th dan, same style nearby. She was sympathetic but it wouldn't work out.
Besides, I've got to stop jumping very soon. TW

[shesulsa]

TigerWoman, I've been thinking a lot about your situation, and I'm stumped. It would be a shame to leave, but I don't see any other choice for you, either. I take it your instructor is the only one in your area besides the 5th dan you talked with?

Can any other masters weigh in here? What happens in a situation where an instructor unfairly cants testing criteria not to accommodate illness or injury, but because of personal, ethical conflict? I left, personally, and waited years to find another art - but then, I didn't have much to lose - I was still a white belt then.

Respectfully,

GK

[kwanjang]

A very difficult situation, and not as easy to assess as it may seem (as we hear just one side). I've seen this sort of thing before, so it it quite possibly as Tiger Woman states.

IMHO, you need to take a good hard look at why you train. If it is for personal improvement, I suggest you look hard at the fact that this is an unhealthy situation that is not likely making any improvements for you. If it is for revenge of any kind (including to show your instructor that you can take whatever it is he dishes out), what is the price you are willing to pay?

Perhaps a very frank discussion where you lay all the cards on the table will help both sides see the other side's reasons for feeling the way you do. To continue the way things are is just not an option, as such strained situations impact the lives and quality of training for other students as well. SOMEBODY has to make a move to resolve this or the school, Tiger Woman, the Instructor, AND other students wil continue to suffer.

[shesulsa]

Kwanjang,

Sir, what happens if this issue can't be resolved between the parties and other local schools are not an option? Does her training end there, or do you think another master might accept her, perhaps in a similar style?

Just curious - this is what two other students of my ex did.

Respectfully,
GK

[kwanjang]

Hello GK:
As I said, it IS a very unpleasant situation, and if all has been tried in vain I'm afraid that the options are VERY limited if not impossible. I guess in the end it just comes down to how much you are willing to sacrifice (stress wise) to learn.

I would personally try my utmost to resolve such a situation if I was to face one like it in my school, and I just could not see myself being so stubborn as to give any one of my students such grief. Sorry I can't be of more help, and I sincerely hope you can find an answer that keeps you healthy AND training.

[shesulsa]

Thank you for your comments, Sir.

Hwarang!

[Disco]

Well, I think I have an understanding of what is happening based on reading thru all of the threads. My conclusions are as follows:

1). First and foremost, you are starting to encounter some physical limitations. That unto itself dictates a certain course of action. You either find another style, which is easier on the body or you reduce the overall physical nature of requirements in your present situation. As kwanjang asked, why do you train? Only you can honestly answer that question, but your answer should give you a release point for the frustrations and anger you now feel. If you train for self improvement and focus upon the requirements of self defense, then there really are no problems. Who cares what's being done to and for someone else. I understand you feel it's a smack in the face and a minor blow to your pride, but in the grand scheme of things it's really not worth the time and effort your giving it.
2). Now on the other hand, if your training for the other side of the coin and only care about what people think and what rank you can get to, then things are in a total quagmire. Since you stated that you would feel uncomfortable with the gentler/kinder route in front of other's, kind of tells me that your ego has become the biggest player in this. I don't say that to be disrespectful or antaganistic, but rather just my observation based on the limited information presented.

Based upon item #1 above, these are the options I see........
1). Find a new school/style
2). Accept the petty favoritism being displayed and wait it out.
3). Accept the frailties of the human body and embrace a kinder/gentler way.

Under item #2,
1). Find a way to get back into the good grace's of the instructor.
2). Just keep pushing yourself (The I'll show him mentality, until you hurt yourself). Then when you can't train anymore, this will all be a moot point.
3). Find a way to get back into the good grace's of the instructor.

Just giving my opinion that will hopefully be of some service. Oh, did I mention - Find a way to get back into the good grace's of the instructor.....

[kwanjang]

Thank you for your comments, Sir.

Hwarang!

Just kinda hoping I could get you to try and talk it out. I really hate to see someone training to improve herself in conditions that will likely undo anything positive you might gain. Again, best wishes.

[shesulsa]

Actually, Sir, it's not my situation - I believe TigerWoman is the one with the issues with her instructor.

I'm still pretty happy with mine!

Thank you so much, though, for your caring thoughts and advice.

Respectfully,

Georgia Ketchmark

[kwanjang]

Oops! :rolleyes

[shesulsa]

:asian::):asian::):asian::)

[TigerWoman]

Thank you Kwanjang, Shesulsa, and Disco for taking the time to think about this.

Since last Wed. I did have a confrontation and left. In the past three years discussions proved fruitless. Promises not kept, more deceit, more hidden agendas ie prevent me from teaching. I do not trust him nor will ever. So I wanted a discussion in front of the other black belts. Unfortunately, it came off as how dare you question me so I was accused of disrespect and lack of humility. And without knowing every detail-- that could be the logical conclusion. But I wanted everyone to know why I was leaving - because he made my goal invalid and it was the final straw. It was not longer something to want to achieve. He knew I wanted it badly after a year of trying to break. He wanted the other woman to supplant me as a teacher and lead woman BB.

He has made the breaking requirements easier three times before 1st dan for this woman who recently became his son's baby's grandmother. Now, with the new requirements she could do a flying side thru 2, (previous req. 3 bds. lst dan) a hopside on 2 on each leg, a forearm strike on each limb on 2, and a jump spin heel and get 2nd dan. I had to do a knife/concrete, a dropped board spin heel -1, a sidekick chambered -2, a jump back-2/jump spin heel with two finger hold-1 which I have gone through about 200 boards now and have cracked the top board 3 times but he doesn't take that as completed. He upped mine and my daughters requirements until she at 17 quit before her 2nd dan test. I trained my upper body for a year doing heavy pushups and practice on rebreakables and I finally did the knife/concrete. The other woman did not train AT ALL for her 1st dan, citing weak wrists which even though, can do T-bar pushups.

So, you can say it is petty but it is not, it is serious to get me out. Ask yourself, if someone said to you as a martial artist, that you can't do that, will never get 2nd dan because I won't let you. And you are compared to someone else all the time? What would you do?

I rose to the challenge because I had to that point trained for a year and he had just taken away my daughters chances. I did not want him to take anything away from me, it was not MY transgression. I did not seduce a student. I stood up for her and her family. I was the only one who did and they thanked me for it. So how would you get the good graces back? Hey I 've helped set up his tournaments, he needed BB's at tournaments-I judged for him, I even finally went back to the testing table to show solidaritry for the parents. He found another woman to marry within a year and I made a set of pottery bowls that took me 3 months to make for a wedding present. I even filled in when he wouldn't show up for classes and didn't bother to ask me. No he would not ask me to teach.
In front of others, one a high red, he asked her to teach right in front of me. I have been trying to get a class for two years and keep getting circumvented.

Yes, I want to do a kindler/gentler TKD for my health. I want to keep my strength, flexibility etc. I doubt I can keep it up on my own at home. I really don't have much space.

I wrote the highest ranking man he's a double 2nd dan, Karate, and TKD--under the master. He just called me today and was totally unaware of the situation but he said it explained alot. He pleaded with me to not quit and that he would support me without letting the master know that he knew. (owner of the building) Funny, he said the same thing I thought all along,that if I quit he wins. Same thinking. He also said he wouldn't go for the easier break either. I was offered the jump spin heel which I feel I could do-no sweat. But I would feel like I had accomplished nothing. No, I would have thrown all my work away and validated the new breaking rules. I would rather take off my belt and wear a white belt.
The other gal will test in Feb. and would lead the class possibly that I'm in for that matter all the 2nd dans that follow under the easy breaking rules.
I was the 3rd ever 2nd dan to test and the first woman at 53.

I don't have an option to go somewhere else at this age and start over. I am thinking about what the 2nd dan BB said. He wanted me to go back for health and go easier and ignore jumping commands, or thousands of repetitive kicks at one time. He said he would teach me since I haven't been taught anything personally for two plus years. Or I may take the summer off but then, may never restart. I just feel while I still physically can jump even though it is hard on my body, I would feel compelled to try to keep breaking if I was there. And its not just something you can lay down for while and do occasionally. Right now, I don't want to go back, I guess I've lost heart. :idunno: Thanks for your concern, TW

[Black Belt FC]

This past week my student submitted a doctor’s note to relieve him of training since he will shortly undergo surgery. The note states it will be sometime before he can train again the surgery will be intense. My burden has been heavy in many ways but no way near his; I wish him well.



My experience with this individually has been emotionally costly and personally tiring. My reputation with my senior students has been strained because of this issue; I don’t foresee them ever knowing the truth. I only wish that they trust my judgment with students but know that it can be taxing for them to trust anyone especially when there’re so many cons artist in the world and unfortunately to some extend in the martial arts also.



This experience has helped me appreciate my past instructors more; I wonder how many secrets they had to swallow and hold inside for student sake. A few days ago I made an effort to get one of past instructors something he wanted (martial art item) and presented it to him. He asked me why I ‘m giving him a nice gift, I simply said just my way of saying thank you.

[shesulsa]

:asian:

How old is your student?

[Feisty Mouse]

how you carry others into death thus you carry your own self into eternity.
That was really beautiful, She-sulsa (Georgia).

Black Belt FC - I wish the best in even these difficult times for your student, and for you. Your other students may not realize it now, but your attitude and supportiveness should be apparent.

:asian:

[Black Belt FC]

:asian:

How old is your student?
To protect his/her identity I prefer not to say............

[shesulsa]

Black Belt FC - Understood.

Feisty Mouse - thanks. It's easy to become inspired by truly honorable people.

[shesulsa]

Black Belt FC - how is your student doing? How are you holding up?

BTW:


KJN Ken Corona says 'either your training or complaining.'
I was corrected yesterday by Master Corona - the correct quote is:

"If you're complaining, you're not training."

Farang, Master Corona!

Georgia

[Black Belt FC]

Came by the school the other day had an operation the week before. Seems to be doing ok but not in the best spirit, don't want to give away too much otherwise i will give away students ID.

Thanks for asking
regards,

ML

[shesulsa]

Have any of your other students caught on yet?

[Black Belt FC]

Don't think so no one has made any comments.

[TigerWoman]

Blackbelt FC,
That's strange that your students don't wonder why the ill student is gone but maybe he is still considered a newbie or not in the inner circle so to speak. We have a black belt woman who just had heart surgery and we all pray for her and have visited her. Its too bad your student does not have friends like these from class to help support him and its really unfortunate that he feels that he has to do this alone. We all will die one way or another, but I think it would be sad to trade that support for fear of pity. I guess that there are pluses and minuses in all relationships. But, I believe people are inherently good and communication and humility are really the keys to resolving problems between people.

I have been out of class for two months, due to my instructor. He has apologized finally, after 2-1/2 yrs. and recognized how much wrong he did. There is only so much that he can repair with an apology. It doesn't regain trust or the level of respect that I previously had for him. He also said he was sorry for making my requirements harder ie knife/concrete for me and my 17 yr. old daughter, but just lowered it for women following me in test. And I still have to jump on my bad knee which he acknowledged was not good for me, but the requirement to break is still there for my 2nd dan. I am sitting here not knowing whether to go back and just exercise, forget the belt. Somethings become less important when they have been devalued. But I do value my friendships that I have made with people in TKD and they are the ones who truly spoke up and missed me in class and probably put pressure on my master to make amends. So, in writing this, I guess I have finally decided to go back. May God be with you. TW

[shesulsa]

Tigerwoman, as I stated on another thread, you are to be commended for returning to class.

As you probably know, I'm training for my BB test along with three guys. We watch each other's back - call each other daily for support and accountability. One of my cohorts is just amazing - he has a full plate and is doing everything he can to stay in daily contact with me, work me harder, push me harder, encourage me constantly, meet me to train. He truly deserves his rank. This is already an uphill battle for me - jeez! What it would be like without that cheering on. It means everything to me.

Black Belt FC, I truly hope some unexpected (barring the obvious possibility) and out of your hands revelation happens to wake your other students up.

Just curious - if you can answer - has this ill student's appearance changed at all? Lost hair? weight? Usually, these are giveaways.

[Black Belt FC]

The student stop coming to class before starting treament and operation. Students in our school like any other school come to train for limited or extented time, they're used to seen a small percentage leaving.

[TigerWoman]

Was your student there long enough to have friends though? Gosh, we are a rather tight-knit group after years of training together everyday. We always ask about each other. I wouldn't ask about some but if they have been training awhile, I would. My master does tell me what happened to them or if he doesn't know. I like to meet everyone and get to know them, others do too. I would miss them. Your student really put you into an unfair position and in doing so, stopped his friends at the dojang from really being there and understanding. I hate to guess but he may not be able to come back, be too weak if he struggled before. May God be with you both. TW

[Fightfan00]

WOW MAN!My hat goes off to you and your student,and you are both in my thoughts and prayers.

[shesulsa]

Black Belt FC - any updates you can give us?

[Black Belt FC]

Student came by today to visit; seem happier than before and cheerful. It appears that the disease is in remission but doctor said they will need to check again within a year or two. As for martial art training unfortunately that’s an activity of the past; the school has lost a student but gain a friend.

[shesulsa]

That's good news.

[Miles]

Thank you for posting this very inspirational story. My thoughts and prayers go out to your student and his family as well as for you who have borne the burden of the knowledge of his illness.

Miles

[TigerWoman]

Ditto what Miles said. Thanks for sharing it. TW

[arnisador]

In remission? That's great!